Old bad habits seems to die hard.. Noticing again one in myself.
Yes, most of my friends say I'm "Easy to make friends with" and m "nice person".. Yes, I try to be polite and good and behave because mom always told me that you don't need to like everyone, but get along with everyone. ..
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Well I find again that when I let people be themselves and myself being me trying to stand "annyoing people". Then when it comes to the breaking point where I no longer can stand someone's behavior and tell them to quit it.. and tell that I'm annoyed by them. Somehow I always get shock reaction from them.
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How is that always possible people shocking and crying when I say I don't like something. Damn. I m so tired being nice to everyone all the time. I can't be perfect all the time. But still it makes myself feel sad and I find hurting mostly myself when I get mad on someone. But still I just can't take all stupid actions.
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M I only one with this problem or are there any others who have similiar problems?
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Problem being me being too friendly and always supporting my friends, even I got bad depression myself. When I just can't support someone dear to me "it" meaining my friend starts to being really depressed and even suicidal and harmful for themselves. :/
And I just can't help it. I try behave and support everyone and listen. But some times I just need to be left alone.
Yes, I might seem social and easy outside but in real life I find myself baring no skill to bare being near with humans for long time perioid. After coming home from work I usually go straight to bed because I'm so tired of being social. And I feel like I'm getting burn out for being social all the time at work. I wanna sleeeeeeep. But I can't because I have work to do.
And yes, sorry, I know this all sounds confusing and my grammar is failing me again. Lol. Its just that I have so much to say and I dunno how to say it proper way or how to say it. And yes, most of the time I find difficould to speak or write in Finnish. If you think I have hard time writing stuff in English, don't make me write it Finnish. I find that mostly I know English word for something I mean or English saying for some situations, but can't tell how its supposed to say in Finnish. Words like: Cliffhanger, Creeped out, Outsider, furry etc just don't have the same ring in them in Finnish. And saying "Kliffhangeri" or "Kreeppaa mut hengiltä" just sounds stupif. XD
Maybe I sjould continiue my work atm and write more stuff later.
But I just feel like I'm on burnout. Yep. I just fetched more paper pictures and film from warehouse cellar and was supposed to scan and digitalize them all. But after 500 0000 of pictures scanned (at least) I start feeling myself bit weary and dull. I just need to take a looong nap. But then again I know I just can't do it. I can't just quit. I promised my boss that I would do this and I can't let him down. After all he is so nice person and always cheers me up.
Also most of my co-workers are just so adorable. Okay only ones I feel odd being with and find that they don't wanna talk with me are couple of female summer workers.. But for male co-workers I just feel like spoiled kid middle of them. Heheh. Just yesterday one had bougth Icecream and was like "I don't wanna eat this.. you want this?" :D
But ya. Maybe I just needs to slap myself in face and keep doing..
I just have found myself whole day being bit more numb than usually because I had bit argue with one of my friends. He seems to think I m free to leave work to eat with him and he is free to do all what he wants. And he did not get the hint to not call me middle of my work shift. So I told him not to do it.
