Maybe I should stop

Maybe I should stop thinking what people  think of anything. Maybe I should be brave. Okay, I have tried my best but I still feel like I could just be me and stop crying about it. But why does it feel so hard?
..
Is it that I still want to please people around me and I still care if people care about me? How can it be when  I have been hurt so many times?

Is this 'cause some human feelings inside me have awoken?
Is this a good thing?

If you knew what I truly m, I would break your heart..

I just realized that if you people would know me and know my adoption background etc.  you surely would hate me and want me dead. It hurts me so bad. So much pain inside this body for bad words people have already told me irl.. So much deep suffering that I can't take no more bad words. That is why I stay silent. But I keep wondering how many of you would hate me for it.. If I told the truth. After all what is the truth?
..
Deep thinking again.