laiska?

And again when I feel I had time to do something creative I find myself first sleeping, then playing Osu and then just surfing around web to find Pokemon episodes to watch.

..
"People call me lazy even I did nothing (wrong)" as they say in Finnish. :-D

But I quess that is what working is.

Fashion and being me

Fashion for Passion...? Ya for Passion of the Christ.

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For somereason I get reflex-like bad feeling and feel sick when ever I hear the word "fashion". I just don't get it. Okay. For myself its most important that my clothes feel good and look nice for my taste. I don't give damn about if they are okay by fashion. Or at the other hand if someone says I look cool and I have good fashion skills and I'm wearing trend clothes you might be quite sure I destroy the peace of clothes first time I get the change. I dunno. I just somehow feel like I was allergic to it. Maybe I'm.

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And whats the big who wha about what people look like anyhow? Okay I get it its not right if you wear trash bag and dog poop on you but other than that I'm not interested. Ya. Just popped to my mind to write about this thing since there seems to be so many fashion centered blogs and people around. And also I just keep wondering if I should change my point of view. But since I got no reason for it I think I'm not doing it. Not today at least. Maybe tomorrow. Or I dunno. Hehe.

But ya other thing I don't get when people don't like themselves and try look like someone else. Like some movie star or film star or charachter from some book. I get it people in movies are beautiful. But so are you. Every one of us is beautiful. In our own way. We all are unique and important. So if you don't look like every averange movie star just be happy. You aren't mass production and cheap copy cat. You are you and perfect the way you are. That is the point and thing that makes each one of us valuabe and unique. We are we and there is no way of replacing any of us.

Humans are unique and I think thats how it should be. But somehow we are scared of it?
Well Maybe I quit this typing now and make an other post about being scared of it.

Broken something and feeling sorry.. really deep shit

I managed to destroy my headphone blug's wire again.. Or I think one of my kittens did it. Sad. Well, I knew these would not last long but still bit bitter feeling in the end 'cause these aren't even mine. These are my mom's . Okay I asked her if I could use these but still feeling like I broke something. I told her about this and she did not care. But why still I feel so damn guilty?

And for point a to point b what is being quilty? Why we feel it? Does it make us feel better in the end when we realize we did something bad and can't fix it? Still its considered as good charachter in human beings to feel sorry what they have done.

But however people still do horrible things. Hurt, rape, tease, kill, steal, hurt even more, lie and do all bad things to each others? Why? Whats wrong with people?

I can't think of anything.. I mean why if we feel pain for it why we do it? Why we hurt others if we feel sorry for them. Okay I get it. Some of us are so hurt ourselves that we no more feel sorry for it. We go up to the point when we feel absolutely nothing. I  keep wondering why? Why no one stops it before it goes bad? Or if someone is trying to stop it why I cant see it? Is it because I'm blind and stupid?

Well maybe I'm just being so naive and blind on purpose to protecting myself. But to protect from what? I can't really get it in my head. Its all so complicated. So odd.

kesää vai väsymyyttä

Niinpä taas sitten. Uusi päivä ja uudet kujeet. Saa nähdä mitä nyt on tiedossa?
Sää on muuttunut yllättäen hyvinkin aurinkoiseksi, ja mielestäni hieman outoa että mitä aurinkoisempi ja kirkkaampi sää, sitä väsyneemmäksi itseni tunnen?


Ehkä se on vain tottumuskysymys että olenko tottunut aurinkoon? Luulisi sen kuitenkin piristävän, eikä väsyttävän. Kuitenkin aurinkoa on riittänyt ja pian kai alkaa kesälomakin. Ainakin suurimmalla osalla ihmisistä joten luultavasti saan keskittyä ja olla rauhassa töissä ilman kamalaa puheryöppyä.

Viikonloppu ainakin nyt tulee olemaan täynnä kaikkea kivaa ohjelmaa kun on yhden kaverin valmistujaisjuhlat ja toisen synttärit. Saa nähdä ehdinkö nollaamaan itseäni viikonloppuna ollenkaan.

Joo kai se masennus ja ahdistuneisuus vieläkin painaa että jos ympärillä liikaa ihmisiä joille pitää puhua ja pitää keskittyä kaikkeen ympärillä olevaan väsähdän hetkessä. No sen näkee sitten.