Just to clarify; I myself used to have People skills of Rocket Raccoon when I was 10 years old. I was that annoying over talktive brat that everyone hated. So when I met someone who was like me in a past I made a friend about over 5 years ago, but then it turned out that I was not enough and I could not support the other person like mom when I myself had hard time and I think the other person had already gotten so deeply attached on me taking care of him that they got hurt when I could not no longer be there for them.
Because of this and because I wanna be smarter and better friend in a future I would love to hear if you know what I should do when I meet an autistic person with special interes and they refuse to talk anything else besides their interest and they want me to be “Nice auntie from internet who always wants to talk about same tv shows 24/7.” I personally got in a fight with a really good friend of mine because I did not know how to handle this when my pet died and I could not be hyper happy and nice to them nor make them understand that I could not be there for them. Now an ex-friend of mine seems to be taken it badly and is mad on be because of it. I admit I was stupid but I just wanna know if there is a wise way to tell someone that I cant talk about same anime 24/7 when I myself have depresssion and rough time. I dont want to hurt anyone. Please help.
Like this thing really keeps bugging me. “How to tell someone you cant baby sit them and make them happy with out hurting them?”
Like I feel so bad for not being able to be there for a friend but then I feel angry at him for not understanding me a one bit. And being super salty after noticing I could not be their mom 24/7. Like when ever he needed something I tried to be there beacause I was taught its right thing to do. But I feel such a failure. And I keep thinking if I could have been "better friend for them" and "Maybe if I was better they would have supported me.."
But the sad fact is that their understanding of people was as bad as mine. Or the same that I had when I was 10 years old.
Atm I just keep thinking that if something similiar happens again, that if someone wants me to be there for them and when I cant be how to make sure they dont throw a tantrum on me and start hating me and telling people how horrible person Im.
Like I dont wanna hurt anyone. I just cant act as a happy pill towards someone else.
Okay maybe the part that I m really worried about is that since I m no longer being "happy pill" for that person is that what if they keep doing same to someone else. Yes I'm totally okay with people being with other people to cheer themselves up. But I'm scared that if he gets more hurt because I did not know how to handle the situation and I only made it worse for trying to tell him couldly that I could not be a mom, but then again I gave him no substitute mom or anything to cling on. And if he really needs something to cling to then I let him drown. How to keep person safe?
..
Sorry for this rant. I might have some level of heat stroke and I m not thinking clearly. I bet I m gonna regret writing this thing but ya.. I dunno. I just wish I had more people skills myself so I could get better along with people with no people skills.
The only good side out of this situation is that I know no one is ever ready and we all need to learn people skills. And I try to learn not to let anyone get so attached on me that they get hurt when I cant be their rock when they need it.
Ofcurse this does not mean that if someone wants to talk to me and get support I would not be there. But I just could not support this one person when I was down at the bottomn myself. And I could not make him understand it with out him getting hurt. And I wish I knew better how to handle situations like this.
All I ask if you whom read this know any tips how to handle super sensitive people who have habit of getting near you and acting like you were their mom; How to tell them you arent mom with out them getting mad on you or them starting to blame you for being a bully over internet.
I really wanna be friends with everyone and I used to be super active at people pleasing before, but now I m trying to learn to put myself at first so I could finally fix my own mental problems.
The worst part for me in this mess is that I keep re-living the events over and over again and over analyzing how I could have been better friend, even I got blamed for being horrible friend when I feel the other one did nothing to support me at all. And I know that the other person in this fuze feels like I abandoned him and snapped with out any reason. When all I did was quit pretending happy 24/7.
I admit it was my bad to pretend and now I feel like I hurted a friend by pretending. But then again I feel like I hurted him even more by quitting pretending. I'm so sorry for it all. But in the end there is nothing I can do anymore to change things. I can only try to be smarter at next time and try to tell people head on that I cant be their chat bot or mom 24/7. Thats all that I know to do. But I m sure that someone else here could give me lots of better solutions so please comment down below to tell me?
