How to tell person you cant make them happy - How to tell a person that they need to make themselves happy themselves with out burning the friendship

Just to clarify; I myself used to have People skills of Rocket Raccoon when I was 10 years old. I was that annoying over talktive brat that everyone hated. So when I met someone who was like me in a past I made a friend about over 5 years ago, but then it turned out that I was not enough and I could not support the other person like mom when I myself had hard time and I think the other person had already gotten so deeply attached on me taking care of him that they got hurt when I could not no longer be there for them. 

Because of this and because I wanna be smarter and better friend in a future I would love to hear if you know what I should do when I meet an autistic person with special interes and they refuse to talk anything else besides their interest and they want me to be “Nice auntie from internet who always wants to talk about same tv shows 24/7.” I personally got in a fight with a really good friend of mine because I did not know how to handle this when my pet died and I could not be hyper happy and nice to them nor make them understand that I  could not be there for them. Now an ex-friend of mine seems to be taken it badly and is mad on be because of it. I admit I was stupid but I just wanna know if there is a wise way to tell someone that I cant talk about same anime 24/7 when I myself have depresssion and rough time. I dont want to hurt anyone. Please help. 

Like this thing really keeps bugging me. “How to tell someone you cant baby sit them and make them happy with out hurting them?”

Like I feel so bad for not being able to be there for a friend but then I feel angry at him for not understanding me a one bit. And being super salty after noticing I could not be their mom 24/7. Like when ever he needed something I tried to be there beacause I was taught its right thing to do. But I feel such a failure. And I keep thinking if I could have been "better friend for them" and "Maybe if I was better they would have supported me.."

But the sad fact is that their understanding of people was as bad as mine. Or the same that I had when I was 10 years old. 

Atm I just keep thinking that if something similiar happens again, that if someone wants me to be there for them and when I cant be how to make sure they dont throw a tantrum on me and start hating me and telling people how horrible person Im. 

Like I dont wanna hurt anyone. I just cant act as a happy pill towards someone else.

Okay maybe the part that I m really worried about is that since I m no longer being "happy pill" for that person is that what if they keep doing same to someone else. Yes I'm totally okay with people being with other people to cheer themselves up. But I'm scared that if he gets more hurt because I did not know how to handle the situation and I only made it worse for trying to tell him couldly that I could not be a mom, but then again I gave him no substitute mom or anything to cling on. And if he really needs something to cling to then I let him drown. How to keep person safe?

..

Sorry for this rant. I might have some level of heat stroke and I m not thinking clearly. I bet I m gonna regret writing this thing but ya.. I dunno. I just wish I had more people skills myself so I could get better along with people with no people skills.

The only good side out of this situation is that I know no one is ever ready and we all need to learn people skills. And I try to learn not to let anyone get so attached on me that they get hurt when I cant be their rock when they need it.

Ofcurse this does not mean that if someone wants to talk to me and get support I would not be there. But I just could not support this one person when I was down at the bottomn myself. And I could not make him understand it with out him getting hurt. And I wish I knew better how to handle situations like this. 

All I ask if you whom read this know any tips how to handle super sensitive people who have habit of getting near you and acting like you were their mom; How to tell them you arent mom with out them getting mad on you or  them starting to blame you for being a bully over internet.

I really wanna be friends with everyone and I used to be super active at people pleasing before, but now I m trying to learn to put myself at first so I could finally fix my own mental problems. 

The worst part for me in this mess is that I keep  re-living the events over and over again and over analyzing how I could have been better friend, even I got blamed for being horrible friend when I feel the other one did nothing to support me at all. And I know that the other person in this fuze feels like I abandoned him and snapped with out any reason. When all I did was quit pretending happy 24/7.

I admit it was my bad to pretend and now I feel like I hurted a friend by pretending. But then again I feel like I hurted him even more by quitting pretending. I'm so sorry for it all. But in the end there is nothing I can do anymore to change things. I can only try to be smarter at next time and try to tell people head on that I cant be their chat bot or mom 24/7. Thats all that I know to do. But I m sure that someone else here could give me lots of better solutions so please comment down below to tell me?

I never had skill to shut up

This is really interesting. When I m planning going to sleep but then suddenly I feel like my head is full of pictures and sounds and all I want to do is write about them or draw or sing or do anything else than sleeping. Is this part of the adhd? Maybe. Or maybe we never shall see the truth that is hidden behind the mist that is all around my head.

Nowdays only way to open my heart or make any kind of diagnose inside my head for myself is to write things down. In situations like this I usually have nothing to tell or write about but when I do write I notice all the things I end up telling from deep inside my head. Its kinda scary, and it is happening again right now. I really have nothing to say about but still I keep writing words that come from somewhere deep middle of the dusky darkness that people call their imagination or their head.

Maybe I should go to sleep.. or at least do my readers a favor and write this in Finnish. But somehow I feel like this thing gets rotten if tried to force myself speak Finnish. Funny fact, I do lots of thinking in English while I m thinking etc what to write about.Or at least now when all words just flow from somewhere and make my hands move in keyboard it is English. I really don't know why this feels so natural. An other weirdo natural feeling thing is Russia. I started to learn reading it a week ago but still it feels like some magical force has turned right direction when I read English or Russian. It just feels like a dream within a dream. Like a distant memory of a dream I have seen long ago far from here.

But where did these memories came from? Why does it seem so right? Who m'I anyways?Many times I have felt my head and world inside my head ain't like any other. I feel like I m freak, and for damn sure you now think I m a freak. I don't care. The most crazies things number one is that I don't care about anything. Its mostly likely part of me being at home and thinking of job opportunities and changes I can take? Maybe I should to rush into action instead of sitting here but I just kinda aren't the type of person.. I dunno

And just to rewind  bit back like I told you earlier I had no intention to write long text. My idea was mostly to go to sleep but as soon as I started writing my head seems to be filled with words that come directly from somewhere to my brains and I only do like a robot, write without half of me realizing I have again filled almost whole page with this odd thinking I m doing.

Now when I remember it when I was a kid I used to talk to myself. Do it a lot. Then At age of 4 or 5 I learned other people did not do it. They kept thinking inside their heads. Then I studied it but now I keep thinking maybe this is somekind of variation of this thing.

And to the other thing, sometimes I feel like there are many personalities inside of myself. There is me, and the other me. Its really scary and spooky and I could write about it a whole book. Maybe I should not confuse your head no longer with it.

I already have spoken about it earlier. I think now it is time to me to go to bed and keep talking tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow sounds good doesn't it? Its surely is full of hope end being brighter.

My personalities

When I come to think about myself.. About all sad times I had and all feelings that I  had in my life I feel thinking of how I become what I m. After seeing movie based of life of Truddi Chase, girl who had documented with MPD; multiple personalities disorder I have started to think of my own personality.
There is the part of me that is nice and caring and polite but really really weak from inside and who easily wants to cry. When the other side is ready to be social and nice and is always getting great ideas and inspiration from things around me...

Then I have the warrior side of my persona that sometimes I m ready to fight till death. The warrior type of me is silent and just stares people around me. I dunno maybe I m analyzing myself too hard. I just remember when being in confirmation camp I could not get sleep when others were yelling middle of night. I just rose from bed and stared them because I was too tired to talk.. And they said I looked like I was about to kill them. They were scared and I found it odd.

Maybe I do have many sides of my personalities and I think I should not have any reason to worry about MPD as long as I can remeber all things and don't feel like I m snipped awake from moment that I don't remember what happened.  So I think I m just normal kid but I still find this kind of thinking interesting. Yet I know when I write this all nonsense here I m sure everyone thinks I m stupid. But you know what. I could not care less. Or at least the "warrior" side of me does not care.