Yes.. busy as a bee and lazy as a lion.

Yes thats me. I have been really busy lately and I feel myself really lazy at the time to time. I feel like wanting to have a nap each second I just can. :D

Hiya again!

Hi again! I have been really busy (again). I have done 2 hours of work for my animation that is my schoolwork. Its was fun but made me tired. I drew more than 95 pictures and all I got was couple of seckonds of animation.. Its really hard work. I never tough it could be so hard work. But I´d say that it was worth of it. I will be posting my animation here after its done.
-Tanya

Hullo friends!

Yes, I have been quite busy lately, but I m still alive.

Heheheh. XD

Did I speak about things getting nasty?

.....Well now its really bad, for a weather. It totally rains. Luckily I can be here warm inside, and draw with drawing board.

I m planning also add Finnish language blog also.

When things go really really wrong..

Yes, I got depressed at this weekend, and that is why I got to sleep 12 pm and today I woke up 6:00 am, and now I have experiment about copyright law, and now I should be smart, and clever when I barely stay awake.

.....

But luckily no one else seems to have forgotten whole thing.. SO if I die, I m not only one.
But have nice day!

[EDIT:
"The teacher wants to move the day, because no one read, and that we still needs to learn something" 
 ] 
-Varjokani

I can bake! O_O

Yeees.. I baked my first cake ever.  I used whole day to do this, so do not kill me.

I used this as measure. I mean "There where ear of the lion ends mom. " xdd

Comments please!^^

-Varjokani

浜松のハレルヤコミュニティーチャーチで行われたワーシップの様子

Just wanted to share this beautiful song with you guys. Even you are Christian or not, you have to admit that this is beautiful.
I love their voice and how they really love to sing.  I think that this is what singing and worshiping is a all about; to love to do it, and have fun. But enjoy!
-Varjokani

About me in Youtube..

As many of you have seen I have an account at Youtube.com. I have planned to use it as a way to show my art, but I also want to use it for teaching things about art, and drawing. Yes, you have seen some of my art but only a small amount of it. So my question would be "What would you want to see in my account?" Send your answer here... And just to make it clear, it has to be something that I or you would dare to do before your parents so keep all bad ideas inside you okay?
Have nice day! :-)
-Varjokani

Hi again!

I m at a school at the moment. I have studied whole day Exel and feel really like I want to draw and hang out at DeviantArt, but I still enjoy studuying and learnig everything new about media.
I also m thinking to create new videos to Youtube;

This is just test try, and I know that I needs to fix that light.

Have nice week!

-Varjokani

Hiya!

I have been busy lately. Waking up 6:00 am is hard, and so I have spent whole day watching movies and resting.. But I think I needs to go to sleep now. I just wanted to do a quick post here.  I love ya!

And just when I wished to wake up early..

And go to bed 9:00 pm. Surely then I just needs to get ache on my stomach. I m just so mad at myself. I just wished to wake up early and then I could not get a sleep because of that horrible pain. I m just so out of luck. >_<'  When did I have  a good luck? o.O  But well, I m still alive (for your bad) and I m still writing these. Yes, I needs to go school tomorrow and after all the pain I had because of my rabbit-hater teacher I m bit scared, but who would not?  Lets just hope and pray that everything will turn out good and I will live happily after all till I die with my buckhare (means=boyfriend).  Lets just hope that I havent gotten any school fobia.
-Varjokani

Good bye my beloved Summer holiday...

Yes, it seems like I just yesterday started my Summer and now it seems to fade away. I will soon start studying as media-assistant, so it means I can´t hang out at DeviantArt so much as I used to. I m going to  miss everyone. Well luckily this is one step ahead to my dream job so I think I can take this. I just can´t wait to start studying.. but at same time I feel little nervous because I will not know anyone and they all are going to be strangers but I think I can manage that also.  But I will be posting more about my studies as I know more of them. All I now know is that I needs to wake up really early  (6:00) or something if I wish to be there in time at school. Lets just hope that I stay awake.  I m not so keen on falling as sleep at first schoolday of mine. That would be horrible, wouldnt it be.
But wille be writing more soon!
- Yours Varjokani

Asiaa Irja Askolalle!

(( Varjokani production on ollut ongelmissa internetyhteyden kanssa joten anteeksi viivytys))
---->
Voisiko joku ystävällisesti viedä nämä terveiset Askolalle? Olisin hyvin suuren kiitoksen velassa.


Itse kristittynä ja omasta mielestäni erittäin suvaitsevana henkilönä ihmettelen eräitä asioita Suomen nykyisessä kirkossa. Kristillisyys on perinteinen uskontomme, ja sitä pitäisi vaalia. Ei tietenkään niin että ketään pakotettaisiin siihen . Ateistit ja muslimit saavat vapaasti olla sitä mitä haluavat.

Jostain kumman syystä tämä ns. "vapaa lupa ajatella omilla aivoillaan" ei koskekaan meitä kaikkia. Homoseksuaaleja, ja ateisteja se kyllä koskee, mutta jostain kumman syystä ex-homoseksuaalit ja kristityt jotka uskovat Raamattuun eivät saa olla omaa mieltään?  Saanko kysyä missä vika?



Otetaampas esimerkiksi Gay parade- paraati, jossa homoseksuaaliset ihmiset marssivat tasa-arvon puolesta ja osoittavat omaa mieltään. Tämä on Suomessa täysin sallittua, ja mielestäni saakin olla, mutta kas kummaa heti kun joku ilmoittaakin olevansa ex-homo niin heti ollaan syyttämässä kyseistä henkilöä toisten oman mielipiteen loukkaamisesta, ja masentamisesta ym. Mikseivät muka ex-homot saisi olla omaa mieltään? JA sitten vielä väitetään että kyseistä henkilöä haastatellut Nuotta olisi rasistinen. Kuka tässä ei anna kenen olla oma itsensä. Kukaan ei ole kieltänyt etteivätkö homoseksuaalit saisi olla omaa mieltään mutta nähtävästi tämä ei edelleenkään koske ex-homoja, vaan nämä ovat heti loukkaavia itsekeskeisiä ja hyökkääviä rasisteja jotka näkevät vain oman itsensä. Miten minusta tuntuu että tuo väite pätee enemmän johonkuhun toiseen ihmisryhmään joka näyttäisi sietävän vain oman mielipiteensä, ja muut (siis ne pskapäät ja erimieltä olevat) ovat rasisteja. (?)

Toinen asia on se että kas kummaa kun muslimit saisivat kyllä tulla kirkkoon kertomaan omaa mielipidettään mutta kristiytyt yhteisöt eivät. Miksi tämä minusta vaikuttaa siltä että että täällä tosiasiassa syrjitään uskovia kristittyjä ja nämä syyttäjät väittävät olevansa törkeän rasismin uhreja!!!

Tietenkin tuomitsen myös muslimeija ja homoseksuaalisia henkilöitä koskevan todellisen rasismin. He ovat yhtä arvokkaita kuin mekin. Kuitenkin mielestäni myöskin kristittyjen pitäisi antaa olla omaa mieltään kun kaikki muutkin saavat niin toimia.

-Varjokani

OMA MIELIPIDE SALLITUKSI KAIKILLE!!

Hiya!

I have started drawing again.. If you have any request please send them to me. -Varjokani

Some fellows have luck...

And other ones don´t. ..

Well let me explain it. I have been wondered for at least 3 months whats wrong with my vhs-player, and then my friend Kuippana comes here and it starts working.  Then my network has been broken and when Kuippana comes in the room I get it (network) working. I needs to ask him to barrow his lucky rabbit-paw (Kuippana is half rabbit like I) for me...
But for other matter. There is freaking warm here in Finland. I was sure I had fever at this morning but it was only the warm weather. Oh! I m such an idiot. Its always too warm or too cold for me.. Never "perfect." But well.. Maybe I STAY ALIVE. *over-reacting*

See ya.

-vk

Hiya! I m back from Estonia!

I just came back home from Estonia. My father´s friend lives there and he likes to visit her.. and also he likes to take our family there for a summer. The hardest part of that trip was driving. I became easily sick on  long driving distances. It took whole day to get into the Pärnu and because my parents wanted to take our doggies with them we needed to find a wet so we could have someone to give document that they took their warm medicine.

When we finally got there I was really tired. I remember just it that I walked in a cottage we rented, and then I did go straight in bed and fell a sleep.

Here is a picture taken near our cottage.. Its was quite middle of nowhere like you can see.
 

 At the next day me, and mom shopped and swum into the ocean. The waves where huge.. Over half m if there is any trust in my counting skills. I just wish I could have place like that at our backyard. Well I know its impossible but still.

It was fun to see how nice all people where. There was one restaurant where they brought us extra table middle of the street and then they bought our dogs a lots of water freely. I also had a change to make glass-necklare there.. Or partly. The glass-part was already made but I had a change to add tin layer on it and make it ready myself. It was really cool. I gave the neclare to my mom and she was really happy about it.

In Estonia there were lots of storks. Some of them had even built their nest on a chimneytop on a roof. Too shame that I could not get a photo of them. Some of them also had nestlings, small baby storks.
 Also there were a lots of grasshoppers.. Or that is what we call all of this type creatures in Finland.  They were huge and they had get in their mind to have concert 24/7 in our yard.

When we were leaving home and stopped for break on one cafeterian we met one of these fellows. He or she seemed really keen on one of our dogs. It hopped all the time on our dog´s back and come to say hello. I took it back to the next table but everytime it came back to our table. It even tried to say hello to my mom.. Well..........  Ehehem... My mom does not like bugs. She is scares them. Well that little fellow got brave idea to come my moms head. It walked up from the chair to my moms back and into her neck. That was when I got a paper  plate and carried poor fellow to the nearest flower bush. Luckily mom did not notice it. I managed to take photo of it:


This was the "LITTLE" fellow who come to say hello;

 


Yes we had a  colorfull trip even I missed my baby bunny Bigwig -and from the way he was eating while I was gone he missed me also- he did not eat almost anything. When we got home he started eating again. I m too lazy to write more at this time but will be writing soon.
-Varjokani

Hullo!

Yes.. Its me again.  I m planning to make new videos to Youtube. At the moment I have two types of ideas; Shortmovies and also videos where I comment all the things what happen around me. I still needs to practice speaking before camera. I can speak behind but that is entire different case. O_O

Its seems like ages when I last time had happy news and I think that now when I can write this blog again I will share it with you; I finally have a place where to go studying to be media-assistant. Its scary. I have just get used to be teen-ager and now I m 17 years old. Its scary because I  feel time going so fast. But lets hope that someday I will be able to make my own movies and tell by picture what I feel and how I feel and what I think. Also I want to make everyone to see things that they seem to be blind. 

At the moment it still is long way of studying before I m done.

..

Hi everyone. I finally got my wireless network working somehow.. Or maybe its just it that it works again and then its dead. I m still bit of quessing the last one.

Well. I had been hard weeks because my granny died on my Birthday morning and we just got a call from hospital. I was like "WHATATAAAA!?!?!? HOW...? " partly because last time when I saw her she was alright and I borrowed some books for her. I still find it hard to understand that she is gone.. Or maybe that she does not live there anymore. Good bye strawberry juice of hers.. and beetroot stew and apples... Her apples where huge. I remember that they were so big that I could get them stucked in my coats pocket even my pockets were huge also. .. Huh.. Its just so weird how much of stuff you are going to miss when you realize you are going to be without it. I mean we always got huge amount of strawberries for her own garden even she was 92 years old at least.. I had to eat them so much that when I saw a strawberry I almost died and I dont like them so much, but still I miss them.

Its really odd how we miss things we dont have  and when we have them we think its "how it should to be" and we dont care so much of it. We love our life and we have such amount of hurry and work so we forget how much of important things we have. My mom friend loved running till she got into coma and when she woke up she could not walk again. I m pretty sure that if someone would tell her half year before she would call her or him a liar and say that it was a good joke.

I really have no time write so much at the moment but I courage you guys to think of your lifes. What do you have today? Home and house? Health? Life?  And what of all about your friends? Do you care them? Yes or no. We all needs to enjoy things we have before we lose them.

Also I would put the cat on table and ask; IF YOU DIE TODAY WHERE YOU GO?
That is really important question that all of us needs to think. Where would us go? Where we want to go? Is there a heaven? Or maybe a God?  If there is God what would he like about you? Would he get you in when you die?

I  m not trying to preach here I m just saying think of it. We cant ever know when its our last breath here. We can be okay and then someone can drive over us in the road and we can be dead. Think of it... Maybe today befrore you go to sleep. Think of all what I said. You are alive but not forever, and when your life ends are you ready to face that all what happens after it. I´d say about myself that I m but how about you?

-Varjokani

Hiya hiya!

I finally know why my network is not working! :D
The wireless network modeem is broken! T_T It takes ages to get new one... I wish my dad just would buy it soon, before my mobile phone´s bills kill me. o.o

But I had some happy things also for you guys. I reviced my arts at home what I had done at school! I feel so safe nowww.. *Flashlight soars towards my head O_O













But hover, here is a small clip of animation that I made. I try practice using Pencil (thats program) and maybe someday I might be able to create whole movie of my own.. But uintil that enjoy;

Yawns.. Facebook? -_ -

Good day to everyone. Yes I m still a live and writing this even I wonder if anyone is never going to read it. Still its better to do something than do nothing. :-) I love you all. At the moment I feel like I dont know what would I write about, and on the second hand I have hundreds of ideas. Still maybe I write about Facebook, even I surely get everyone attacking on me. Yes, Varjokani does not have Facebook and no she is not going to get one.

The point is that almost everyone haves it, and when you chat with people in Finland at least first thing in their mind is Facebook. No, I m not complaing like its BAD thing to have account there. Its not. I just happens not have one. No. I m not jealous. I just feel like I would  love to talk something else than Facebook and I m bit tired of everyone asking me to join there. I simply haves no time to run active account. At the moment I already m logged in many of places and feel really tired keeping them active. Many like ; Gaiaonline, deviantART, Youtube etc. takes lots of time to keep active, and I dont want to be unactive. I m already shamed that I dont have time to run my Sumo paint account so well. I m still alive there aswell but not so active.

Yes. I dont want an other burn out. But I just want to ask you guys a guestion. When I have this blog what kind of stuff you would want to hear here? About my irl? About my drawings?
 I love you all. :-)
-Varjokani Ps.
Here is the movie I was making with couple of friend and their friends ..  :-)

It tells tale of girl who s friend died and she feels guilty and sad. Then her friend tells that its okay and there is no need to be sad anymore because she is in heaven. :-)

(Pps. I have no connection on the headmaker of film so if you have something to say to them do it somewhere elsewhere because I got there only by friends. )

Sad T:T

Yep. Its me again. Today everyone of my friends got their papers from school but me. Wohoo.. T_T  I was too scared for them to yell at me so I did not go. I just stayed at home and tried to sleep and read one book. Only good thing happened today was that my mom bought me new USB-cable for my mobile phone so I got network working at last. That is no big help when I just wanna cry my heart out. You propobly know why. Everyone else is today happy but me.. One of my friends called me and slipped that he and everyone else of his friends haves a party and some of them are going to stay there for over the midnight. He said that he was not one of them.. It still hurt!!  Oh how I wish I could just have been there and hug all of my friends, and tell them that I m happy for them.

I just would have loved to do it but I just could not do it. It made me really sad.. And my friend was also sad because he tough that I was not happy for him.. Double sorrow for me. I just cried to him and tell him to stay there over midnight and have fun when HE HAD THE CHANGE! He was sad for that and said that he felt bad for leaving me alone because I was not jumping of joy.. I should have really happy also! But how could I?

I had been home whole day alone crying and everyone else were happy. How could I jump here of joy... When it turned out that my granny had new attack... Or he had water coming out of her body from her legs. I just heard about it but now I feel like " WOOOW!! YAAY I M SOO HAPPY LOL.". I hope that you can reconize sarcasm when you see it.  I just wanna cry my heart out. I feel so sad. Everyone else is happy... And I just I could be with them and share it. I m not jealous. I just wish I could be with them, but I were too scared for teachers yelling me. I feel so cowardly acting shit!
I just wish that everything would be okay soon.. Because I really cant take this sadness forever.

But by the way. My mom told me that they maybe send me my papers from this year by post but I have the feeling that the paper says: "Shitty idiot racist fucking idiot with out no brain etc."  I  never hated anyone there. I just was "disagree" with school. I did not believe everything they said with out thinking it first.. They wanted carrots with out brains. I ever have some of my friends saying that they wanted to make me "Perfect human". Only Nazi people did that... And this is Finland!!!!!!! Come on school! O.o

But how ever this is I m still sad  here and alone... I love you all. <3  Lets just pray that everything could be soon better.

-Varjokani

The day when you should be happy but you just wanna..

Let go and stop breathing..

This would describle this coming week really well. I should have trip with my glass but because of my teacher traumatized me with yelling me for my depression and all tricks what they did to me to make me sad. When I said I felt bad they just lauched and made me want to jump into the river from really high.. Lukcily my buckhare (boyfriend) was there to stop me for doing it.

Also tomorrow would be spirng feast of my school and everyone should graduate and or move on.. Everyone else but me. I havent been at school for 2-3 weeks now because I just have felt myself so tired and lost. I also haves troubles at home because my dad does not like me at all and when I m sad and cant take any critique or yelling I m really mad really quick at him. Also it takes effect that my granny is really ill and dad tries to take care of her and he does not see that I m dying.

But yes. All my friends are going to have  get papers for that they did study this year but not me because I just cant find any power to go into school. I just feel so weak... and lost and empty. I tried to learn trust people again and then they stabbed me on my back and hurted me a lot. And when I told that it hurted they laughed and they call themself "Student caring teachers who enjoy their work". As well I could say that I have engagement with a hare and have 10 0000 of childrens with it!


Also my boyfriend is graduating and he will become media assistant. I have that horrible feeling that I m not going to get my paper from school just because they dont like me. I still dont get why!? They have spread some shitty lies about me and they always have 100 of reason why to act the way they do. First I was un-social, then I was depressed, then I had too bad panic disorder (I started to getting those because my teacher hurted me.) While my second of panic disorder I told my teacher that I needs to go home. He said no. Then I said that I´d like to go anywhere.. Even into the mountains. Then he just smiled and laughed. He was like "LOL!!" 
And  I was suffering about bad pain inside me.. Then the reason was that they wanna leave me more time at home for my hobbies. Then I was racist.. Me? If someone knows about being hurted from different hobby etc. its me. I did ask my friends if they had noticed me hurting someone and none of them did! Of curse if I have hurted someone I m terribly sorry but I and couple of my friends have a feeling that those were one of those lies of their. 




I just feel torn and half dead. I wanna be happy for my friends and go there hug them but something inside me says that I cant. I m alfraid that they might yell me more about "What is this show!?? WHy are you depressed?!?!?! Why cant you be happy!?!? WHY YOU DONT TRUST US? Why?!"
-__-''' I DID trust them but then they started to tease  me and laugh when I got hurted by them and mentioned about it.  I just cant! But still there is the an other half of mine who wants to be happy for my friends even teachers are entire different towards them. One of them said at school that he aint gonna graduate if they tease me like this. They spoke him a lot about how important it will become in future. Also when he fell ill not far ago there where lots of messages saying: "Oh.. Poor ya. It so sad that you are ill. I hope you will be okay soon so you can be graduated. You are important one!"

SO.. Everyone else seems to be okay and important but I m racist and fool jerk? ... That is so nice. -_-'
One of my dA friend guessed if they did not like that I was not so easy to be brainwashed into commununism what they seemed to supporting there.. EEh.. Even communism would be nicer! And because they "failed at brainwashing" into "Perfect human who is agree with everything!" *Even the favorite colours* they want now just make me to kill myself. If someone would told me when I started studying I would have lauhged and be like "NO wayy! XDD" but now that SEEMS only one version wic have any clue....

But how ever it is I m going to cry soon a lot.. I just wait with horror when my friends call me and tell me how happy they are. T_T


-Varjokani.


ps. To all irl friends of me. I love you a lot and I wish I could be with you guys but I m just so weak at the moment! Lots of hugs to you and congraz for got loved by teachers! :-) *I did not*

When things can go wrong they certainly will go really wrong..

Hiya!! I just got my network to work for sec so I m sending this out now!
My network is dead again, my bunny´s carrots have been spoiled and poor kid rabbit of mine could not tell it to me. Luckily I found it out now. Then I lost my phone´s USB- cable so I cant use my phone as a modem. T_T It just wanished in the air! And of course I cant go school because teachers have yelled me so much! T_T Also my school haves glass trip and I m die for to go but as depressed kid like me I cant because I m alfraid of more yelling that I cant bare because that I cant bare it.
I m just wondering why is my life so hard.
-Tanya

Hellou world!

It seems that finally our network has started to work! *YAY!* .. Even it still lags. :/
I have used this day really well.. I slept again over half of it. Then I edited my nevest speed painting witch is here:                                                                
I also melted bit of chocolate to make a chocolate bunny as a gift for a friend.. Too bad that first I had not enough of chocolate to do it and I melted it bit of more I failed when I started to shape it too early.. Then I found out that my chocolate was full of my mom´s dogs fur. EPIC FAIL! Then I tried to pick them up but there was always one or two peace of hair of more. Then finally I gave up and throw it a way. Luckily my mom promised to buy me some marzipan. I  hope that she remembers it because one of my friends is ill and I wants to make some surprise for ill friend to make my friend happy.

And my next score for today is to take some shampoo and fool with it before camera and put a new video into youtube!
But see ya! :
-Varjokani

How m I today?

(See the trailer of "Left behind" movie. I just bought the book and it seems so cool! )

I waked today "early".. That means before 11 am, then me and my mom took all our withe clothes to be washed into laundry. Thats because our own well is full of iron that makes everything withe brown and makes it looks like someone would throw over on them. We also visited at the flee market and I bought a new book called "Left Behind". Also I bought Bambi 2 on DVD. But Left behind seems awesome.. I m at the page 61, even I only read it our way back home from laudry. *I m faast XD*

Then when we got home we noticed that granny was not doing so well.. She don´t eat, she don´t drink.. I m worried about her even I m so full of sleeples nights for tressing because of her. Its kida feels good if she stays alive but the way my dad takes her illness is no good. He panics and yells to mom and me like mad lunatic.

At the other hand we also visited at cemetery and found out that our church is acting like jerk! Don´t get me wrong here. I m Christian, but there are some things that I belive are wrong and so on.. And  even thinking of digging into my dead born step sister´s grave and re- burying some random human there annoys me! She would be 23 now, so its not even so far from the time she was buried there. It kinda hurts me of even thinking of it.
 Council wants us to pay over 200 euros so we could let her rest in peace for 20 years, so they could just re-ask us money.

WHATTAA HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS!!! ARE YOU TURNING INTO "GRAVE ROBBERS OR WHAAAT, WUT WUT???????!!!!??!?! O________________________O

Yes, mom was really shocked about it. They sent us a note where they told us that we had till autum time to pay and then now when EVEN summer has not started there is a note at her grave that they want us to decide NOW!..

If this keeps going on I surely will change church.. I don´t wanna a part of grave robbing money-eating fake-christians who don´t even believe God. -_- I have nothing against atheist but church acing like jerks and making my mom´s depression worse I have!  I just want to cry aloud to some people there "WHAAAAT ARREE YAAA DOOOOING´?????!"

..
But well.. Its getting late so I will be writing more soon. I love you all. See ya! :-)
-Varjokani

About my irl life?

Like I a bit guessed yesterday I could not resist to upload new video on Youtube with my mobile phone.. So here it is. I just wanted to try "copy" anatomy to make it look more anthro.. And I think I will be doing more of those..

And now if you don´t want to hear  me telling about my life and the sad sides of it run! Run to the hills of the black rabbit of Inlé!

~~~~~~~~
But now about my irl life. Like almost every good friend of mine in Internet and in real life know I do have depression, and I m usually sad. Now I could not make myself move into school because my teachers yelled at me for being sad. And after all this mess they have made in my real life. Just now I can´t tell you more but I tell you that they are worse than any kind of communist in China, and meaner than demons.. For some reason they hate me. My own teacher even cried my mom that at the time of drawing lesson I drew a bunny! Even the subject was free he was mad at me for drawing a bunny.  All I have learn that he hates rabbits, but I think that because he is teacher he should not bring his own hating and trauma into the work, but stand one small Varjokani drawing a rabbit when she haves a change to do it..

But yes, that is why I have been really bothered nowdays.. I m trying to be friends with everyone and also I have tried to act polite and honest towards them. My bad that you can´t say same from my schools lead. They did all kinds of mean tricks towards me just to make sure that I don´t have training job place, or no place to keep studying at next year but just re-study their school..  Even I have been kinda of spread year just to relax, and I m a good student so they should not have any reason to not let me go.. Only that they don´t like me.

I just wish I knew what is wrong with them. Well. I think that I just needs to keep going and trying if I ever want to get a good job that I want to do.. And I want to draw and edit.
So lets just hope that everything will be better soon.

The truth is I love that school.. There are nice students and my classmates are awesome and each of them have their special abilities. One of them knows how to mix colors to get what color you ever want. That has become handy when she paints. That is so awesome to watch she doing it. An other of them is genious with 10 000 of good ideas what to do. Somehow I just love tho listen his ideas. An other of them just makes everyone to listen when she wants..  And then many others.  Most of the teachers have seemed aweome people as well but for my shame there have been some who really hate me, and wants to something bad to me.

I m sure that most of people maybe could think I m just imaging but I have been betrayed and hurt often. And somehow I just can smell if someone lies or wants to hurt me behind of my back. And they "smell" for both. Then one thing is how they talk "Oh you small child are so jerk that you don´t understand anything for this BIG world´s things.. Blaah.. blaah.. blaah".  Like we all where insane in my class!

I just don´t know what to do.. And there would be coming nice trip in couple of weeks with ship.. And every nice people are coming. I would love to go, but the matter is that I  can´t trust them. I feel like standing on rocky ground with my other paw other side of gorge and other at the other side and don´t know wich way to run.

YES! I know that its the most stupid way to act to just cry here in my blog but I just feel so lost.. Even I m happy in some moments then again I m just so sad and want to die. It does not make the situation any easier that  my granny is ill and my dad yells at me and scares me like mad lunatic just because he is scared himself.

But lets all pray and hope for better day coming soon because I just feels like if this keeps going I don´t know what do.

For being honest I had strange pain in my chest and mouth yesterday.. and for short moments I feel like the pain would be coming back. I just hope its not heart attack.. But I m scaring always for too easily for things like that, but still that worries me also..

But like I said praying for God is only thing we all can do.. Or at least I feel that there is no other way.
-Varjokani

About those things you just hate..

Hiya again!
Yep. I changed this blog´s language to English. Before this all menus where in Finnish. Stupid me did not notice that before..

But what was I going to say? Yes, I haven´t been here or anywhere else so much lately because our network connection, that cheating rabbit´s poop is not working... and I think  its dead.
We, me and my family live in countryside "behind the wolf´s side of the forest" and here everything seems to be broken.. Okay that is over reacted but nothing seems not to work. I have lived here so long, so I should have learned to live as "Tough Finnish jerk" but I m not Finnish, I m Varjokani so never going to happen.  However our network, that thing I now hate so much is not working.. In fact it never work so good, but at the moment its totally dead. It works for 3 minutes and then it just shuts down, and is broken.  The main reason for that is that w e live here and there is big forest between us and nearest town.. and the town in fact is so far.

Normally our network just lags down and snaps offline for 10 minutes and then works for 5 minutes and then again lags, but now its dead. No one in here has no "good internet connection".

YES we have called for the company who arranges our network. They just are like "Okay... We will see for that soon." That means "Nothing is happening for sure you jerks! You just pay us for this and we get lots of moneey!"

They EVEN sent us a letter saying ".. That because of problems in our network in countryside we are rising your network so it works better! You still pay for the original network so this is free!"
...
Yep.. Working ..? After that letter OUR network has lagged even more and now it has been almost a week not working. I tried to ask my mom and dad if I could have some way to get myself into internet buy some other way, but dad is  just thinking "No Varjokani! We are not  going to pay for shit that does not work." Okay.. He was testing some kind of "stick" in his computer ( I don´t know that word in English T_T) But it did not worked.. He had virus and 10 00000 of too much stuff in his computer so it did not worked anyway. But I still would like to EVEN try it in my computer.. And about "shit that does not work." *Points the wireless network connection box and shows her rabbit´s theets* That we are using right now is not working..

Yes. I m online at the moment when I m writing this text but I m going to pay for it a lot because I m using my mobile phone as  modem.  And dad told me that all "network stuff" bills are payed by my own savings so I can´t do that forever if I wish to  have any money when I m moving into my own house someday. Just to mention.. Money does not mean so much to me but even stupid rabbit like I know that if you have no money to buy food your fridge is soon empty for carrots and food. That is no´t good deal.

That is why I m hoping network to work but at the moment so is not in Finland. And that is not only thing what is not working here; After Finland´s television turned into digital it takes only small breeze of wind to tv to say "no connection".

I still can remember when I was 5 and watched tv with my mom. It was thundering and I could hear windows to  screek just because flash lighting just hit near. Still tv was working okay. And  if I remember right our lights got off because flash hit the powerline somewhere.. Then also tv turned off. But we just turned it on and kept watching.. But no nowdays. Now even small wind is losing signal of digital senter from where ever they are sending those from.

Same goes with internet connection.

At this end I want to say that I m really sorry that you had to read this but I just want to tell everyone how "honest and reliable is Finland in real". Council and goverment speak a lot... but no acts. For us who lives far from everything.

But lets just hope that everything will turn into good someday.. Even I half know that it does not and I know that it may take long to me to do anything if I just then don´t get into my head to upload something with my phone and suffer it later and I m sorry for you all to have to wait for  my next video.
-Varjokani

Good morniing!

Helloou!
Yep. It is me again. "Miss lazynes bunny froom Finland". I have been weekend with my buck hare here.. and its soo nice to have some time with him. :-)
Just so sad he lives so far a way from my home and I needs to go back home soon.
But hey! That is how life goes by. It full of stuff thad we don´t wanna do. We usually more likely hate to do it. Like cleaning the house.. For me that is cleaning my room and trhowing all bad "banned" sketches into trash from my floor. Yes, even it does look like I put everything I make into dA, I still throw a lots of stuff away if I dont then lost them into my room, and then after 2 years I m like; "Okaay.. What I do here. Oh! I do remember.. I was going to do this and that, but then I just forgot it" -_-'

Usually it just is that we have things of 3 sort. The things we don´t do, things we do even we don´t like it, and the things we have to do to survive.. And I almost forgot the fourth one; Things we do for fun, but lets just skip it. We have lots of stuff we don´t like to do, but we still do. Like cleaning, homeworks, studying... etc.

But what if we REALLY newer  cleaned or studied. Just would lie down for generation, and eat chips? For first thing to happen would be that chips and threat would end if no one would not run those faxtories. Then all kind of infections would spread.. And you could find out to not live alone, but have small flee and his 10 0000 of kids living with you. All kind of thics and flies and ants love messynes so they would enjoy your company a lot. If no  one did anything it would happen and soon we all would die for no food, and for bad health, because no humans or us brown hares are not meant to live in messyness.  So yeees.. Even I hate to admit it that all "annoying" and boring stuff we have to do take a nerve and make me to hate them, they are still important. If we all would just sit here, ( Speak to the hare, I m sitting here right now. XD ) we would surely die.


So lets all be working hard, and trying our best to keep us alive, okay? I just hope you read this and think of all the things I said. yes, you might think that this is all a shit, but if you even think if I m really happy that you listened. *hug*  And remember that I always love everyone as a friend. Keep good care of yourself.. If no other´s shake, do it for me because you are also important. There is no other who is JUST like you. There is only you like there  is only one Varjokani and only one buck hare of mine.
See ya!
-Varjokani

Obama -message for u-

If I would have a change to meet Obama now I would love to yell to him ”Whut are you thinking of????????? WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?” o______O

Okay for personal point of view I believe that everyone should be premission to live and be free for war and fear. Yes Palestine and Gaza need that too of course.. BUT SO DOES ALSO ISRAEL!
I just mean that I think its riskful to cut out parts from Israel. Its like you would invite someone to attack there and kill them all.

Yes I think everyone should be able to fit in this planet, but not by cutting Israel a parts so everyone, even small kid can attack there. No! That is not what Varjokani wants.

Yeep. I have said all I felt needed. I just felt like if I dont say this aloud my head will heat over. But lets all pray that there would be safe and peaceful for everyone. But remember, there can be peace only if everyone on both sides REALLY want it. If we want to kill eachother there will be nothing good coming. Even I live in Finland, even I can see that. But lets just pray.
-Varjokani

Ps, no i m not taking anyones sides here. I just see that there is a bad risk for more war, and I dont like war. I hate war and fighting! Yes.. I dont care a hell what is the reason to some folk fight but I want it to stop now! And I feel like Osama ask the war to come! I think Osama puts me into shame with his doings. I want all kind of ”bad Israel stop teasing others”-stuff to end! There has been bad things to happening on both sides. Why? Becausw we are human beings, we are not Gods. Only perfect one here is God!

Here again!

 ---->
See my newest video on youtube!! :-)

 
Hi!
Night has started to fall here in Finland, but I just felt like I wanted to write something here before going a sleep. Yes, one thing to mention right here at start, yes I know that Finland won, but NO I don´t like it. Don´t think that I m cheater or traitor or rat before you have read this entry.

I came home late at yesterday night. I was helping filming Uneton48 stuff for one youth media. I barely got any sleep there because I were busy. Then I finally came back at the right  end of Finland I felt really tired. I felt so tired that I stayed over night with my buck hare*. He was really kind to let me stay and then I had a change to sleep finally after 48h of busyness and editing and acting.. BUT did I had a lovely peaceful silence I was hoping for? NO! The mad screaming and yelling kept going over whole night. And because I had been busy I had no idea why there was such of yelling and screaming going on, because I just had no time to watch tv, or media because work with that film took all of my time, and when I was not working I was tried to had naps. So when I was with my buck it was so close that we both did not call over police for "pointless and crazy yelling at the neighborhood middle of the night."  But then we heard from our friend about the situation. For being honest I were really sad for losing my "peaceful change to have a good rest and sleep well."

Then for morning and by next days everyone have been talking about the game and how "fun" it had been. If you  think that winning was fun I say to you I m partly agree, but it was no fun that I had no change to sleep after being on hard work for 48h and having only some 4 hours to sleep, if even that.

But yees.. Thats all for me being mad for Ice hockey. All I say that I wish that Russia or Sweden had win, then I could have slept well at that night instead of me being bad lack of sleep. But now into the time with me and my own buck hare. He was really nice to me. He even bought me the old "Narnia: The lion, the witch and the wardrobe" by BBC. He just asked me to come with him to buy it and then he said "Oh.. And this is for  you." *hug* I think that it was really nice for him. I just wish I were old enough to marry him.. Well luckily I m soon old enough to do it!

And also I hope that changes like Uneton48 movie competion will be more in future. I just loved that time there!  They even brought us (my and my buck) lots of carrots because we were their "brown hares". Then I got one awesome cd at free.

But I think I will be going to sleep now  when I have the change to do it, and relax with some good book maybe. I m sorry for every Ice hockey fans if this text hurt your feelings. I have nothing against you guys, you are awesome, but please next time when yelling please remember that some folk maybe wants to get some sleep after long and hard work. This is a small country and I think we all should be able to fit in here. Even I who wants to sleep..

* Human-rabbit -hybrid like me does not say boyfriend, but says "buck hare" instead.

-Tanya Efrafalainen

ps. I love you all! Thanks for support.

Hiya!

Hi!
Welcome to read the one and only really alive-being one blogs of Varjokani. It is true that I have Finnish lnguage blog on my.Opera[dot]com but I simply m too lazy to update it. And now into the one of the 'main message of this blog' or the main reason Im sitting here and writing this; my lazyness.

Lately I just have been really lazy. I have almost forgot one rp at Gaiaonline.com 'till one of my friends sent me a message for it. That is  a shame because I really loved that rp.  It just is that its so hard to do anyting as I planned. Yes, I m still quite active on dA, an youtube but I just feel bit of like its hard to keep being online and active all those awesome sites that I have account, and those wich I like. But why m I like this? I have been melancoly person whole of my life.. Or at least really big part of it. And then I have been suffering from depression for 5 years now.. At least. But what have changed? That I really can feel that I m alive. I have met the most awesome "buck rabbit" of my life. I just feel like I enjoy the time with him.

Yes, now of course you think that my sad times were over, but it is hot.. Yet. I read somewere that "..as long as you have hard times, and you feel like keeping going on is impossible then surely you are on the right way."  Yes, When I first heard it of I was like what the heck? How? It is true that hard times are so annoying, and feel shitty and that it never feels easier to remember them an of course when you started to feel ok, you fall down on the bottom. But the truth is that after this all shit in my small life it has become easier to understand those who also suffer. I so can understand people who feel like there is nothing left and they want to die because I have also felt it and I still do at some times. For being onest that is how every awesome people I know have felt. If u ever feel the same remember that all cool folk have had it, and they survived and now they can help others eith their understanding

And why in heck m I writing this? Because most of the people around me dont see what I do. My teachers etc. hate me for being me, and they keep wondering why I m sad after going trought all the stuff I have.

But now for the good things I would mention I and my buck (human-rabbit hybrid like me don´t use the word 'boyfriend') have been making short movie film for Uneton48. Dont worry. I will link it here when it comes out from youtube. I love u and remember when u have hard, then u know u are special, not just some mass 'i m happy fellow' who only sees himself, and is blind to suffering of others.

(Ps. I try to be "active".)

-Varjokani

Helloouuuuuuuuuuu!

Hi! Its me again. Yes, That crazy rabbitlover who wants your bunny to hug and kiss it. <3 But thats all for me loving bunnies.  I have been busy at the last days. I have so much places that I want keep keept activated, and I still can´t because I study so hard, and help my friend with music video. When I m done with all of that I m so lazy and tired that I have no time for internet activity. *Yees Varjokani is laaazyy* XDD
But I try to work out for time to be here.
~Yours Varjokani
(\,_/)
(^.^)
(___)0

I love you guys! <3

Helloou!

Its me, Varjokani. The old rabbit drawer. :) I just managed to add my nevest youtube-video online.  See ya again! When I  m not as tired as I m now. *Yawns*
Yours; Varjokani

ps. I m Campion from Sumo paint.