About my irl life?

Like I a bit guessed yesterday I could not resist to upload new video on Youtube with my mobile phone.. So here it is. I just wanted to try "copy" anatomy to make it look more anthro.. And I think I will be doing more of those..

And now if you don´t want to hear  me telling about my life and the sad sides of it run! Run to the hills of the black rabbit of Inlé!

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But now about my irl life. Like almost every good friend of mine in Internet and in real life know I do have depression, and I m usually sad. Now I could not make myself move into school because my teachers yelled at me for being sad. And after all this mess they have made in my real life. Just now I can´t tell you more but I tell you that they are worse than any kind of communist in China, and meaner than demons.. For some reason they hate me. My own teacher even cried my mom that at the time of drawing lesson I drew a bunny! Even the subject was free he was mad at me for drawing a bunny.  All I have learn that he hates rabbits, but I think that because he is teacher he should not bring his own hating and trauma into the work, but stand one small Varjokani drawing a rabbit when she haves a change to do it..

But yes, that is why I have been really bothered nowdays.. I m trying to be friends with everyone and also I have tried to act polite and honest towards them. My bad that you can´t say same from my schools lead. They did all kinds of mean tricks towards me just to make sure that I don´t have training job place, or no place to keep studying at next year but just re-study their school..  Even I have been kinda of spread year just to relax, and I m a good student so they should not have any reason to not let me go.. Only that they don´t like me.

I just wish I knew what is wrong with them. Well. I think that I just needs to keep going and trying if I ever want to get a good job that I want to do.. And I want to draw and edit.
So lets just hope that everything will be better soon.

The truth is I love that school.. There are nice students and my classmates are awesome and each of them have their special abilities. One of them knows how to mix colors to get what color you ever want. That has become handy when she paints. That is so awesome to watch she doing it. An other of them is genious with 10 000 of good ideas what to do. Somehow I just love tho listen his ideas. An other of them just makes everyone to listen when she wants..  And then many others.  Most of the teachers have seemed aweome people as well but for my shame there have been some who really hate me, and wants to something bad to me.

I m sure that most of people maybe could think I m just imaging but I have been betrayed and hurt often. And somehow I just can smell if someone lies or wants to hurt me behind of my back. And they "smell" for both. Then one thing is how they talk "Oh you small child are so jerk that you don´t understand anything for this BIG world´s things.. Blaah.. blaah.. blaah".  Like we all where insane in my class!

I just don´t know what to do.. And there would be coming nice trip in couple of weeks with ship.. And every nice people are coming. I would love to go, but the matter is that I  can´t trust them. I feel like standing on rocky ground with my other paw other side of gorge and other at the other side and don´t know wich way to run.

YES! I know that its the most stupid way to act to just cry here in my blog but I just feel so lost.. Even I m happy in some moments then again I m just so sad and want to die. It does not make the situation any easier that  my granny is ill and my dad yells at me and scares me like mad lunatic just because he is scared himself.

But lets all pray and hope for better day coming soon because I just feels like if this keeps going I don´t know what do.

For being honest I had strange pain in my chest and mouth yesterday.. and for short moments I feel like the pain would be coming back. I just hope its not heart attack.. But I m scaring always for too easily for things like that, but still that worries me also..

But like I said praying for God is only thing we all can do.. Or at least I feel that there is no other way.
-Varjokani