This text is 100% improvised and 100% fiction. None were harmed while writing this. And I'm not recommeding any of u to read any part of this. Its part of my old story re-done and improvised.
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______________________________________
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The sky is darkening around me. I feel lonely.. and so cold. I feel like losting last rips of my senses as darkness falls over me. I try keep breathing and staying awake. But its impossible. I can't feel the pain anymore. I have felt too much of it. So I cant feel any no more. I smile. Finally.. Finally its time for the grand ending. -- But how much did it cost. How many times I was scared for this. Many for sure. But now it finally was the end. I felt so calm and almost happy for it. finally. No more pain or conspiracies around me. Finally.
The darkness closes in and I fell a deep sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I open my eyes. I'm silently coming to my senses again. I feel like would suddenly fallen into sleep after long day at doing something hard. I'm running. The sun keeps hovering over me. I'm thirsty. What happened? Why m'I running? What just happened? Where m I? I turn my head as I run to see whats behind me. Bad mistake. I fall. I feel something sharp beating over my face. Branches and trees hit me in a second I stop looking where I'm runnin. I struggle trought them with cursing and spitting needles from pinetrees as I run. Or struggle. At this rate running is impossible. I get clear of the worst bush and start running again. I turn around again to see if there is something behind me. I don't remember anything for couple last seconds. I m confused, and scared.
I get struct and hit again. But this time its different. Its something soft ... and furry. I fall down with it. I feel something metallic and cold being held against my neck. My heart starts racing even more. 'Shit.. I'm done for'.
---
.....
//
Want me to continiue? Maybe I will if you share this and comment this. :)
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Immanuel - King of the Jungle
Listening atm. I so wanna have time to translate these songs for you. maybe I have at some point.
Deep forgotten memories - trying to catch them while writing random stuff
Its funny how when it silent and there is none to talk with I feel bored. But as soon there are people around me I feel tired and all energy inside my just burn up like leaf dipped in gasoline and then struck in firepit until there is nothing left.
But then I love meeting people and talking with them. But why I'm still scared of people? Why? None hurted me for while? Yes, I have been bullied and threatened in real life in my past. If you read my old posts you'll find out I had quite bad derpression (and yes, I'm still eating meds for it). But I just keep wondering how long this is going to last.
I have been at work like 5 weeks soon and I keep wondering why even everyone here are so nice why I sometimes feel like getting burnout just because there are poeple near me. Ya. I usually (like atm) listen music from my headphones so I could keep myself focused on the things I do. Ya. But why being near humans make me so tired?
I just wish I could dive deep inside my head and figure out whats the problemo this time. And yes, I still sometimes get the feeling like sometimes I'm me and sometimes I'm someone else. Its not like I forget my name and had OCD or multiple person in my head that don't have clue of of each others. And I think I can always control myself. But somehow its bit scary when I wake up morning and for now reason notice speaking to my mom "Meow meowgrr.." with no reason.
And then she is like "what?" And I m like Eerm. nothing. It only happens when I'm tired. Sometimes then I with out noticing start sneaking and growling. Its like some reflex for staying safe. But since haven't done it for while and this morning did it at my own home and on my way to toilets I'm quite confused. And yes, it seems I finally m starting to get to the point where I m starting to dive inside my own heart and head. And soul. I dunno if its vise to write these things here, and I dunno if half of them are actually happening. I also dunno if I'm kinda feeding them and making situation sound worse than it is.
..
Its just when I start typing and forgot everything around me I feel like I can see things differently. And when I keep writing my toughts down and like trap part of my head's content in this text. It makes analyzing myself easier. Ya. Sorry for this all shit here. I'm pretty sure none of you actually are interested in this. But I also feel I needs to start keeping track of my acting again.
Maybe this way I could go at the beginning point of my traumas and all bad that has been happening. When I try go there I feel like it just slips trough my fingers and dissappears and the tought is gone. And I feel like I m forgetting something really important atm. But.. but I cant tell what it is.
All I know I have feeling I'm getting close of something. Even loosing it all the time.
And I think I go eat something now and contiune my works after it. And then if manage get something posted here.
And yes. my co-parter at work just showed up and asked if I would go eat with him. Well I think I have to. The faded away memory I was remembering a while when I wrote this thing just dissappeared, and now I just keep wondering why did I open text editor again.. and what the heck I was writing in a first place.
Feeling so confused. Usually I remember why I statrted writing but now.. nope. Scary.
But then I love meeting people and talking with them. But why I'm still scared of people? Why? None hurted me for while? Yes, I have been bullied and threatened in real life in my past. If you read my old posts you'll find out I had quite bad derpression (and yes, I'm still eating meds for it). But I just keep wondering how long this is going to last.
I have been at work like 5 weeks soon and I keep wondering why even everyone here are so nice why I sometimes feel like getting burnout just because there are poeple near me. Ya. I usually (like atm) listen music from my headphones so I could keep myself focused on the things I do. Ya. But why being near humans make me so tired?
I just wish I could dive deep inside my head and figure out whats the problemo this time. And yes, I still sometimes get the feeling like sometimes I'm me and sometimes I'm someone else. Its not like I forget my name and had OCD or multiple person in my head that don't have clue of of each others. And I think I can always control myself. But somehow its bit scary when I wake up morning and for now reason notice speaking to my mom "Meow meowgrr.." with no reason.
And then she is like "what?" And I m like Eerm. nothing. It only happens when I'm tired. Sometimes then I with out noticing start sneaking and growling. Its like some reflex for staying safe. But since haven't done it for while and this morning did it at my own home and on my way to toilets I'm quite confused. And yes, it seems I finally m starting to get to the point where I m starting to dive inside my own heart and head. And soul. I dunno if its vise to write these things here, and I dunno if half of them are actually happening. I also dunno if I'm kinda feeding them and making situation sound worse than it is.
..
Its just when I start typing and forgot everything around me I feel like I can see things differently. And when I keep writing my toughts down and like trap part of my head's content in this text. It makes analyzing myself easier. Ya. Sorry for this all shit here. I'm pretty sure none of you actually are interested in this. But I also feel I needs to start keeping track of my acting again.
Maybe this way I could go at the beginning point of my traumas and all bad that has been happening. When I try go there I feel like it just slips trough my fingers and dissappears and the tought is gone. And I feel like I m forgetting something really important atm. But.. but I cant tell what it is.
All I know I have feeling I'm getting close of something. Even loosing it all the time.
And I think I go eat something now and contiune my works after it. And then if manage get something posted here.
And yes. my co-parter at work just showed up and asked if I would go eat with him. Well I think I have to. The faded away memory I was remembering a while when I wrote this thing just dissappeared, and now I just keep wondering why did I open text editor again.. and what the heck I was writing in a first place.
Feeling so confused. Usually I remember why I statrted writing but now.. nope. Scary.
Eeks!
Someone actually reads this? EEKS! *Scary*
Okay I wanna thank you all for supporting me and reading my posts. You make me so happy. *hugs* :3
It means me a lot. Ty. <3
--
Eli kiitos kaikille ihanille stalkkereille jotka on tällä viikolla lukeneet mun blogia. :3
何が私をリラックスして良い感じですか？日本語はそれのために良いです。
あなたたちは、実際にこれらを読めば、私は知りませんか？か否か？私は知りませんよ。私は誰かが実際にそれを読んでいましたでしょう願っています。しかし、私は気にしないでください。私はまだナンセンスを書いて大好きです。それはちょうど私を助けます。私は良い感じになります。私の頭の上に起こっている何かを書き込みます。私の頭は、すべての乱雑と変人です。そして、この世界は私のためにあまりにも面倒で変人です。私はあなたたちとそれを共有する必要があります。それは私が良い感じになります。だから、私は誰かが実際にこれを読み込むかどう私はそれにもかかわらず、このようなものを書いていきますと思いますか？そして、はい、私は、Googleの翻訳を乱用愛する深い行きたいとき。それは私がクスクス笑いになります。そして、日本は美しい言語です。私はそれを勉強していますが、私の悪いのために自分のスキルは、私が翻訳外で、このテキストを書くことができることがまだそれほど良いものではありません。しかし、私はまだたくは世界中の人に達します。
それは私が良い感じになります。話すように。それは私が安全に感じさせます。現実の世界とは異なり。私はあまりにも多くの人々を参照してください場合は、実際の言葉で、私は疲れて、ちょうどたい非表示になります。..今まで私が執筆、フィンランド語、英語、日本語を開始する必要がある場合、はい、私はまだ決めていないのですか？
私は、これらの言語のすべてが大好きです。私は主に直接フィンランドの人々に話をしたいときに多分ほとんどが、私はフィンランド行います。そして、その後、他の状況は、私は英語を使用しています。私はちょうどたい変更が振り返ると、それに同情する必要が出てと私の頭の外にすべてのものをドロップしたとき、私は日本のやる瞬間に思います。私は知りませんよ。それを使用すると、私はリラックスしになることを日本語で非常にかわいいものがあります。すべての「neeh "" KYAは "私は笑顔になります。
しかし屋。未来が保持しているかを見ることができます。日本語もっと勉強することを約束します。だから、誰かが実際にいくつかの日には、この混乱を読んで、それを理解することができました。
それは私が良い感じになります。話すように。それは私が安全に感じさせます。現実の世界とは異なり。私はあまりにも多くの人々を参照してください場合は、実際の言葉で、私は疲れて、ちょうどたい非表示になります。..今まで私が執筆、フィンランド語、英語、日本語を開始する必要がある場合、はい、私はまだ決めていないのですか？
私は、これらの言語のすべてが大好きです。私は主に直接フィンランドの人々に話をしたいときに多分ほとんどが、私はフィンランド行います。そして、その後、他の状況は、私は英語を使用しています。私はちょうどたい変更が振り返ると、それに同情する必要が出てと私の頭の外にすべてのものをドロップしたとき、私は日本のやる瞬間に思います。私は知りませんよ。それを使用すると、私はリラックスしになることを日本語で非常にかわいいものがあります。すべての「neeh "" KYAは "私は笑顔になります。
しかし屋。未来が保持しているかを見ることができます。日本語もっと勉強することを約束します。だから、誰かが実際にいくつかの日には、この混乱を読んで、それを理解することができました。
Chocolate fixes everything? Right? Right?
Well yes, since its "that time of the month" and I'm damn tired I decided to drink some chocolate coffee and hot chocolate and now I feel brilliant. :-D
At the moment I feel like there ain't thing that hot chocolate could not fix. Well now all I got is to wait till the sugar stops working and running trough my brain and I get down from being high on sugar rush. Eew. Not gonna happen soon. But bros if hot chocolate ain't working you don't use it enough. ;-)
"Jos kaakao ei korjaa ongelmaasi, et käytä sitä tarpeeksi"
So I thinks it end of this lesson, or is it? Want some more? Well maybe later. But now I have to consentrate on my work. And yes, since I m not so keen on spamming this stuff on my Facebook account with my own name on it I spam it here. So enjoy. :P
At the moment I feel like there ain't thing that hot chocolate could not fix. Well now all I got is to wait till the sugar stops working and running trough my brain and I get down from being high on sugar rush. Eew. Not gonna happen soon. But bros if hot chocolate ain't working you don't use it enough. ;-)
"Jos kaakao ei korjaa ongelmaasi, et käytä sitä tarpeeksi"
So I thinks it end of this lesson, or is it? Want some more? Well maybe later. But now I have to consentrate on my work. And yes, since I m not so keen on spamming this stuff on my Facebook account with my own name on it I spam it here. So enjoy. :P
Weird feeling in the morning
*yawns* Goohooodoodh moorning *yanws*
..
Well thats all I can say atm. For somereason I feel bad. My head is sore and my throat feels like I got bunch of kitten hair and slime stuck inside it. I keep thinking what did I eat this morning. Just normal bread with some salad dressing. Ya. I eat that stuff. Not because I'm lazy but I think it tastes like chicken. And now when I type it outload I see how stupid it sounds. Well too lazy to erase it.
...
But still I feel like I was tired or drunken or something. Like I was to fall a sleep and pass out in any seckond. Its odd. Maybe this is what people call burnout? Yay! Finally!.. Nope.
Well I still try work as hard as I can. See ya around. Loving ya.
-varjokani
..
Well thats all I can say atm. For somereason I feel bad. My head is sore and my throat feels like I got bunch of kitten hair and slime stuck inside it. I keep thinking what did I eat this morning. Just normal bread with some salad dressing. Ya. I eat that stuff. Not because I'm lazy but I think it tastes like chicken. And now when I type it outload I see how stupid it sounds. Well too lazy to erase it.
...
But still I feel like I was tired or drunken or something. Like I was to fall a sleep and pass out in any seckond. Its odd. Maybe this is what people call burnout? Yay! Finally!.. Nope.
Well I still try work as hard as I can. See ya around. Loving ya.
-varjokani
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