Hello again. Ya I havent posted here every day as I kinda promised myself. Appearently the new melatonine I got works. Ive been using something called Sleep aid - Oral melatonin spray. After I got it I had to move to the study for couple of days since my bed was broken. Okay it has been broken for years but finally my mom noticed it and told dad. And instead of buying me new bed dad decided to fix the old one. Yay?
And I m finally back at my own room and I can write. Soo Ive been stuck at Netflix couple of last days. Ive noticed that I love to watch crime drama like Lucifer and Grimm.
Also I managed to spend lot of money because I bought myself a new laptop. Yes I did have laptop for gaming but its keyboard is broken and I had to have separate keyboard with it when ever I used it on gaming parties. I also have my "typewriter" laptop that I m currently using for blogging but this thing cant run games. Okay It can run Sims 1 and Sims 2 but never games? Nope. Also it has Windows 23 bit so it cant run WOW. Even the game would othervise work fine on it. Also this one has small memory. 123Gt so I cant put games like Elderscrolls Online on it. So yea. I have new gaming laptop for wlan parties. Yay. Only problem is now that I gotta save even more for my own dream house. Yes I do intend to move out eventually but I want a decent house and I want to be sure I dont get my ears on dept the minute I move out.
That is why I live with my parents and keep saving for better flat. I m also looking for job. But so far no luck on getting anyone needing something like me.
I find I m bit nervous about it but Ive also learned that I avoid everything that gives me slight reason to panic and instead I spend my days sleeping and forgetting that panic even exist. I dunno. It has been like this for 3 years now. I think its time to me to stop avoiding panic. Even it might mean I would get hard core panic attacks again. Damn. I wish I did not have my PTSD. But then I would not be me. Even at the moment I dont even know "what" me is. Like I feel like I dont even know myself anymore. I feel comfused and scared of everything. And I dont know what I want an d I dont even know who I'm.
