Our water has iron on it and I tried to wash my glasses with it. And now my glasses has this smokey effecty dirt on it that is not going away. Oh god I m so flarked. I just got these and I dont wanna pay for other 600 euros for new ones.
And yes I got glasses since appearently I have bad eye sight. And really dry eyes. And my eye sight keep switching. Sometimes I m not sure if I see anything with glasses or not. Like I can read but my field of vision is really small and I'm kinda worried about. Ya. I m kinda of a person who worries a lot and usually makes everything into big deal and deal big enough to freeze and have panic attack about.
But at this moment I just wanna scream and panic because Ive managed to ruin my glasses with normal water. okay our water. It tastes like blood even it goes trough sand filter to get rid of the most of the iron on it. Also my bed is broken. It has been for years but Im suddenly feeling like maybe I dont wanna sleep fearing to break up on bed splitting up on the middle. Already happened couple of times. Ive have had this bed since I was 4. My Grandfather made it for me. He used to be a woodworker. He also made my parents's bed and other furnitures in the house.
But ya. Its 1:04 am so maybe I should just stop worrying and go to sleep.
But then there is this question. How does one just shut their brains down and stops worrying?
My brains lack that function. I really sometimes would love to have to have my head scanned lol.
Maybe I m gonna just try watch bad movies from Netflix untill I fall a sleep or listen something from Spotify.
I try start updating daily because I kinda like writing. Ya I know no one is never gonna read this shit that I type here but I m not typing this so people would read it. Okay maybe I wish that was the case. But mostly I m just typing stuff here to clear my own head and making myself something to look back and cry later on.
Funny thing I read my old posts and found couple really suicidal ones. I've really been deep down in the hole. Somehow I still feel like I m in the hole but lately Ive been avoiding of going outside or doing anything that would upset me. Maybe that is a good thing. Or maybe it is not. One thing is clearly a bad sign because I keep dreaming about Rocket Raccoon and kissing him and stuff. That is definetely a bad sign. Or I dunno. I suppose us girls are built to want make a happy family but I just want to go hug and kiss Rocket and hide and snuggle him on some corner and watch as the world destroys itself. I just wanna be cute and cuddly with him. I know I m crazy. He is not even real. Oh gosh I really at least fast read this and edit all stupid shit like this away so I would not regret it later. But you know what. I m stupid. And I m gonna let this here so I can regret it later. I dunno if I even live long enough to regret it. I mean. I got eye glasses now. I feel like 100 years old granny who just sits home and waits the welcome death.
