Who and what is Al-Samad?

I stumbled upon something Sam Shamoun  also stumbled upon about god of Islam.  Samad is name of Baal's club weapon he used in his hand.

The phrase "Samad dances in Baal's hand like an eagle" is attributed to Ugaritic texts, specifically the Baal Cycle, a series of ancient Canaanite mythological texts discovered in Ras Shamra (modern-day Ugarit, Syria) in the 1920s and 1930s. These texts were written in the Ugaritic cuneiform script, a Semitic language closely related to Hebrew and Phoenician.

The Baal Cycle tablets are dated to approximately 1400–1200 BCE during the Late Bronze Age. This period corresponds to the height of Ugaritic culture and its interactions with neighboring civilizations, such as the Hittites, Egyptians, and early Israelites.

These texts provide significant insights into Canaanite religious practices and their pantheon. They also influence how we understand the biblical context, as Baal was a prominent rival deity mentioned in the Old Testament.

Allah being called Al-Samad comes from the Qur'an, specifically in Surah Al-Ikhlas (112:2):

In Arabic:

اللَّهُ الصَّمَدُ

Allah is Al-Samad.

..

Allah is nothing but tool Baal aka satan uses and Baal's weapon. 

YET muslims pretend this didn't happen and they do not want you to find this.

Thanks to Sam Shamoun for digging this information up.

Allah is Baal and Baal is Allah.  No matter how you try to twist this the fact remains Allah of Qur'an is not God of Abraham and Isac and Jacob and Jesus but he is Baal Mohammed's tribe brought to Syria to Kaaba as main diety of Kaaba and whom Mohammed started to claim to be God of Abraham because of fallen angel lied to him. Search Qur'an , not once Mohammed has connection or communication with God only a rūh, Spirit who claims to come from God but it was Satan himself.

World is blind and doesn’t want to wake up.

 "What we miss, when we misbehave.." Holy Spirit told me Wicked movie was Satan mocking atheist how well they eat his lies by showing how Elphaba is accused for everything goes wrong and she so evil "pure water will melt her" and bunch of Wicked fans singing the songs and saying "Oh we are smarter than the munchins.. you will never trick us into believing a lie like that we know truth" or how the characters sing in Wicked ;

"No one mourns the wicked,

No one cries, "They won't return!"

No one lays a lily on their grave,

The good man scorns the wicked!

Through their lives, our children learn:

What we miss, when we misbehave..."

Yet we are not any better than them.. here its Jews who get blamed by same people who watched Wicked who go "Oh they would never trick me into hating anyone innocent and I would never allow my mind be poisoned." yets its literally that "Jews have super weapon which will evaporate bodies so that is why there is no bodies to bury" (Al Jazeera reporter tweeted this, look it up) and now its Jews who they also blame about fires in LA;

https://www.timesofisrael.com/liveblog_entry/us-anti-israel-activists-blame-israel-for-los-angeles-wildfire-crisis/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

If you still think world has not gone crazy and isnt filled with Spirit of Violence (spelled chāmās) and Spirit of Death which also runs along with Spirit of Pride shouting for actual genocide then you are part of the issue and problem. It is time to wake up. Just because antisemites are not trying to eracide Christians where you live it doesn't mean their agenda isn't also against Christians and the very values western world is build upon. 

They already blamed Jews for the weather when it was raining the day Raisi died.. how much longer till you snap out of it and wake up. The world is evil and wants to hurt innocent and Jews are just first on the list but I know since me and my family we are Christians too.. we too are on the same list. I'm begging you. Wake up. 

And yes for clarification "From the river to the sea" cry is actually copied from Jews and now used against them. Their country, Israel is from the river to the sea and calling to erase it is calling to erase the world's only Jewish state. 

We mock and scold evil in Wicked the musical but we are becoming them if we believe likes of Al Jazeera and even Yle who only tell lies and half of the story what happens in Israel. 

Who is best deceiver?

 Qur'an 3:54

Arabic: ومكروا ومكر الله والله خير الماكرين

Literal: And they cheated/deceived and God cheated/deceived, and God (is) the best (of) the cheaters/deceivers.

The verb plan is written يخطط . I dare you ton cirlce word يخطط in verse 3:54. You cannot since its not there and you know it.

Allah has characteristics of Satan if he has to scheme. يخطط means plan, للتخطيط to plan, للتخطيط the planner, none of these appear in this verse.

Wicked is grim reminder

 I know most Christians hate Wicked but as someone who been bullied and cancelled for being different and not being able to be silent when seeing in justice I feel like it helped me to understand myself better than any therapy session ever. Also it has good lesson about needing to not sit silent when the History starts to repeat itself.

In the musical "Wicked," Doctor Dillamond, a Goat professor at Shiz University, addresses the importance of remembering history to prevent its repetition. During a lecture, he states:

"After all, history is not so much for the likes of us to remember, as it is for others to learn from."

This line underscores the significance of acknowledging past events to avoid repeating mistakes. Doctor Dillamond's character highlights themes of discrimination and the marginalization of sentient Animals in Oz, serving as a poignant reminder of the consequences of ignoring history.

In Wicked, Doctor Dillamond also says:

"If we’re not careful, if we don’t stand up for ourselves, we’ll be a thing of the past."

This moment reflects his fear of Animals losing their voices and agency as the oppressive forces in Oz grow stronger, silencing sentient Animals and stripping them of their ability to communicate.

Allegory for Antisemitism?

The silencing and marginalization of Animals in Wicked serve as a powerful allegory for antisemitism as forms of systemic oppression:

1. Dehumanization: The Animals in Oz are stripped of their unique identity and abilities, much like how Jewish people in Nazi Germany were dehumanized through propaganda, laws, and violence.

2. Loss of Rights: Animals losing the ability to speak mirrors the historical stripping of Jewish rights under oppressive regimes, particularly in the lead-up to the Holocaust, where Jewish people were denied education, employment, and civil liberties.

3. Segregation and Isolation: Doctor Dillamond’s removal from his teaching position reflects how Jewish individuals were excluded from public life and forced into ghettos or other segregated environments. Worst part is all the kids exept the main character are fine with abuse because their headmaster tells them to stay put in this allegory.

4. Warning to Society: The theme of remembering history so it won’t repeat underscores the dangers of silence and complicity in the face of oppression. This mirrors the famous post-Holocaust saying, “Never Again,” emphasizing the need to recognize and resist injustice early.

Through the struggles of Doctor Dillamond and other Animals, Wicked provides a lens for examining how prejudice, systemic discrimination, and the loss of voice can lead to devastating societal consequences.

YES, witchcraft is dangerous and bad and I will never try or want to become a witch but I think seeing the musical as teen made me to promise myself I would never forget history and I would never forget what Jews and Christians and members of Alphabet community along with neurodiverged people had to endure under nazi regime. I would remember as long as I live.

I do wonder if that is the reason why picked up on antisemitism being on the rise a year ago when Hamas attacked Israel and started this war.

Never again is now and I think that we must pray that all people who go see Wicked will also pick up on what I saw and realize that hatred of any group is wrong and how we should not attack Jews because it will not end well for anyone.

I still cannot understand how people are totally blind and fail to see that Israel is only trying to survive. 

I am starting to think people without Holy Spirit are truly blind. I took my childhood bestie to see the movie in hopes she would pick on and notice that being cut out and rejected by everyone is bad but sadly she is totally blinded.

All we can do is pray.

GSM is back?! nice-nice

 

yes-yes the madness continues. It is me, Varjokani <3

*chittering*

My mental health gone down again..? I dunno. Do I even care?

 Depression is the really "nice" thing to have.. After over 10 years of having it, medical people have finally started questioning me whether I have BPD or something similar going on..

Nice.

So fucking nice. 

Like I myself feel like IF I would have gotten proper studies done about my mental health and I would have gotten right diagnoses and right medication from the start I would not be the mess I currently m.

I feel so unrealistic and anxious. I feel like everything around me is just a big joke and everything is a big scam to make me realize how insane and crazy I'm.  I feel like nothing is real and at the same time, I feel like I was just waking up from the weirdest nightmare ever to reality.. Even the reality itself often feels like a nightmare that is sucking all the joy and feeling of calm and determination out of my system. 

I feel like I'm losing the grip of the reality itself... And losing the "track" of what I want to do. To be honest I haven't had any idea what I want to do with my life for months. 

I thought I was supposed to have a job opportunity at the local bookshop and that the mental health doctor who ran the thing was someone I could trust in.. But surprise surprise.. He wanted me to take over the position of a head accountant just to be able to scam and steal money from the sales all for himself. Once I called him out for it in fear of getting myself thrown under a bus.. After being already thrown under a bus for making a complaint of the landlord of the time making illegal construction works that subdued us to the dangers of asbestos and other nice stuff from the old walls. 

I did feel like yet again there is never a person I can trust and have faith in. Makes me think I'm never gonna find myself a person I could fall in love with.

And that makes me kinda sad. But at the same time, I feel numb and tired of trying to cope and survive. I did call the mental health helpline and only got a bunch of angry questions of "how did I get their number". . . and was told they could not help me at the time. Lovely.

I currently think that Finland is the "country of happy people".. just because all who are like me end up doing the desperate solution of ending our lives because of the feeling of being all alone .. and all by ourselves without no one to care.

Whenever I post about my problems and of the fact that I struggle to go on my daily life as a "functioning adult.." I get tons of likes on Facebook but when I need I need help I notice that I'm all by myself.  There is no prince Charming to save me. Sometimes I do wonder if God himself has forsaken me because I'm just so confused and so tired.

And most of all hate the fact that for one moment I feel so strong and so confident in my own abilities that I think I could take on the whole world all by myself, and the next moment I feel so weak and so tired that I have to literally curl in my bed and fight myself to not to try to drink dishwasher soap or cut my writsts open and bleed.

I feel I'm tired of everything. Tired of having all emotions amplified. I wish I was normal. But at the same time I have suffered so much about being just me that I dunno if I want to stop being me..
And the one huge question in the end is who is me?

What m I?

I had to fill out some official documents a few days ago.. I struggled to remember my own name. I was like "Is this really my name? Is this who I'm?" That was a stopping moment for me. I was thinking maybe I m losing it all.

But then I got myself new PC that I could use to stream and spread awareness of whatever this thing is that I struggle daily basis. But then I heard that our family dog died and yet again I feel unreal and confused. I feel like whenever I feel like I have found direction for my life something shocking happens that makes me forget the plans I had made out just a half a minute ago.

ANd this point I admit I have yet again completely forgotten why I have started writing this rant.. And What I was going to try to say and tell you. I currently suspect that there is nothing. No point of publishing this. Considering I'm sure at this point this blog has 0 active readers. But at the same time I want to save this for later so my mental health art therapy holding therapist can maybe read this and have some kind of idea on my mind and mental state of me. 

..

Maybe I should just ramble on more. Because it does me if nothing else it makes me able to feel that there is something I should rememeber of..

Something I was supposed to be doing with my life. 
I wonder if I should read the news article of Brain Fog and if this is it..

EDIT:

Does ADHD cause brain fog?

ADHD is one of several health conditions that can cause brain fog. Many ADHD symptoms mirror brain fog symptoms. Brain inflammation may be behind some of them. ADHD can also cause sleep disturbances that make brain fog worse.26.1.2022 Google results for "brain fog and ADHD"

Rikka-rak shreek!!

 Confused skaven noises owo

Werewolf game

 Following is my ES Werewolf kiddie friendly format that I m saving for later use.

CLOSED! I NEED MY NAPS.

Might return sometime.

FEEL FREE TO COPY THIS FORMAT AND USE IT.

JUST PLS @Varjokani#659046  if you are using this because it took me whole day to come up with the format. :3

I will take  12 first to join this game and I will tag you guys here in op post:

I will act as a game master.

**Requiements:**

You have to have your **DMs  open**so I can give you guys your roles and tip the werewolves who the other werewolf is so you can dm with each other and discuss about who to rob next night and I will also DM the soulmates who their other soulmate in game is {.size-7}

**How I give roles?**

I will run random generator and put your names there and then I will give you guys the roles and dm them to you.

**Description of the game:**

You guys live in small willage middle of nowhere and each of you has a prized jar of cookies in your kitchen cupboard. and every night werewolves when the villagers are a sleep the werewolves have a change to rob one of you and steal your cookies. If you As a villagers you guys job is to find the werewolfs before they can grab all the cookies from the village. You can accuse person for being a werewolf and they are casted out from the village.

**Roles**

All roles will be assigned to you guys from random generator.

**Villger:** You are a normal villager living your daily day and you will go to sleep during the night. You will have a cookie jar that werewolves will try to steal from you. You cant stop them. If you get robbed then you just have no cookies but you can still accuse someone for being a werewolf.

**Werewolf**: tries to convince everyone that they are not a werewolf and will steal cookies over the night. Remember to discuss your other werewolf buddy first and then dm me if you agreed who you guys are gonna rob. If you cant agree your target no one will be robbed.

**Amourine:** You act as a normal player exept in the beginning of the game you will choose two people who are soulmates DM them to me and to the two people you chose.

**Soulmates:**  Amourine will dm you guys to let you know who you are. You guys just wanna share your cookies with each other and if one of you is accused to being a werewolf the other cant accuse them and must try to defend them.

Also if the other gets their cookies stolen the other will throw her/his own cookies away to support her/him.

**Fortune teller**: You can "look" once per night on one persons role by dming me and I will give them the role. However your magic is tied to your cookies. Once you get robbed out from your cookies you can no longer do this.

**Sherif**: Has two votes when deciding who to try cast out for being a werewolf. You will also loose this ability after getting robbed by cookie thiefing werewolves.

**Witch**: You can  use your magic once to retrieve someones cookies. by using a magic word word I DM you. Also you can try cast someone out from being a werewolf and then they turn into normal village  by telling here you are doing your healing magic. Both of these powers can be used once and if used on normal human nothing will happen. If used on Werewolf that werewolf will turn into a villager. I will not tell you if you succeeded.

...

I will only tell you if all of your cookies have been stolen or if all of the werewolves are being kicked out from the village.

After everyone has a role I will set the game to start and you guys can chat a while and get to know each others charachters. Remember, no one is admitting to being cookiemonst-- I mean a werewolf because you werewolves want to take all the cookies.

I will then tell you guys "The evening is falling upon the village and all of the villagers go to sleep."

(during the first night werewolves will reviece DM telling who they are)

Werewolves will then DM each other and discuss for a while about whose cookies they wanna grab. Then you can DM me the name and I will announce it here by saying..

"Person x's cookies are in danger.."

That is witch's que to use the secret word and write it in the chat. Thw witch can also @playername_here with secret emoji to tell they want to use curing spell on them. Remember you can only use one spell per day.

Then it it will be the next morning.

"The sun is coming up and everyone is awaking and everything is fine  / person x's cookies have been grabbed."

This line means that everyone is awake and can discuss about what happened last night. Fortune teller can  DM me to know one persons role once per day. I will dm them the role back.

Willagers can call out the castout Werewolf vote once per day and then it will be a night time again.

**Any questions?**

___________

Re-posted from DeviantART just in case mods there think that rabbits arent allowed to talk

Originally posted to: https://www.deviantart.com/team/journal/Pride-Month-on-DeviantArt-840667494

And yes as a Christian furry I think I might get someone feeling that because I disagree on something I m not allowed to speak so I also post this here as well.

AND I REPEAT, I have nothing AGAINST Pride or anything. I just have been told I m not allowed to say I feel pride of being me because I m not "gay enough" by several people in Finland. This is the reason for this rant because I think everyone should be equal. That is why the movement started years ago and why Prides were originally organized. That people felt they did not feel equal..

Here is my small essay of the subject. I dont do this for a badge but because I want to say couple of important things. I think we are missing some key elements here ( at least here where I currently live,)

Have you celebrated Pride before?

I think we all should re-think how we celebrate and what we celebrate.

I think all people should be happy and feel "Pride" for existing in peace. Not just LGBTQ+.

As a straight furry who has been bullied for her national background, (Being adopted from Russia to Finland as 1 year old) I think yes it is important to feel proud of being able to be with the person you love, yes that is important.

BUT at the same time, I think that we must not forget that everyone should feel pride in being alive and safe. And keeping everyone else safe and alive. There is too much of "You cant celebrate Bride because you arent x" talk from all directions. I think we should all be able to celebrate ourselves. Not just LGBTQ+ people. Yes I m pretty sure I will get at least one reply saying that I m not allowed to say this because I haven't been discriminated for my sexuality or for myself. I can tell you that I got my first "we should shoot you because you are not Finnish enough" as 13 years old in a Christian school by "Christian" kids for being adopted from Russia. The hate is still real. Why it hurt me the most I have just switched schools for being bullied for being a Christian and Russian born. And when I opened up in a new school I was told everyone like me should get shot and stuff. And the bullying continued whole my life. Yes you may argue that I m making this too personal about me and I have no right to do so but I say ;

"If we celebrate being equally valuable and loved part of the society we should allow everyone feel the pride of who they are." Not just sexuality but also what people are in general. We are all unique creatures on this planet and there ain't no one just like me or no one who is just like you. We all should be allowed to say we are proud of what we are and who we are.

What do you think of first when you think of Pride?

For me I have to admit that because of people around me keep telling me that (Note this might be only be a problem where I live so I cant tell this is everyone globally) "Because you arent part of LGBTQ+ you cant drag you being different and bullied because you were born in the ""wrong place"" into this. This is only for being gay or lesbian.."I do feel bit sad to think that SOME people in the community are so broken in their own spirit that they feel they have a need to tell other people what they are not allowed to feel or say. That is why I personally think that the Pride has lost something important and I don't feel so keen on it as it is presented now at the area where I live.

YES, I support people's rights to choose and be who and what they want to be. I JUST cant REPEAT myself enough, that while yes in the past Christianity has done wrong by saying gays should not exist- even their point was just that no sin should exist. (Also all humans do sin, so we all should not exist) but that is enough for an other rant subject-

And I understand how some people do want to take defending argument "If I m not allowed to exist I don't accept you either and I say you should not exist."

At least in Finnish media and in media in general people have told that Christians arent allowed to feel pride for being Christians because its mockery to the Pride culture.

I wanna say that this is exactly what I was trying to tell in part one above. I THINK WE ALL SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE PROUD OF WHAT WE ARE!

And yes I DEFINITELY say that NO to all discrimination of all people. Gay and straight people are the same in my eyes. Both loved by God and important.

(And here I wanna point out that in case this gets deleted for being too Anti-gay I m gonna also upload this to my blog.) AND Wanna say only thing I feel anti anything are bullying and discrimination.

How do you show support for LGBTQ+ people you know?

I know many people who are pert of the LGBTQ+ and some of them are really old friends of mine. I don't even remember the time before I knew some of them. Like they have been friends since forever. I show my support to them mostly by being there when they need to talk to someone when they feel sad or have panic attack. Also as someone who runs both Discord and Telegram chat groups as an admin of the group I support them by defending them. If anyone dares to even breath thinking of saying something mean to them I m usually the first one to tell to quit the bullying.

What I really wanted to say to the people who don't understand my bad English mumbling rant;

All bullying is bad. I think while LGBTQ+ might have gotten the word of it it is important to remember to not repeat it. Let everyone feel the pride of what they are. This world is cruel and mean place and a really hard place to exist. As someone with PTSD for being bullied for being Russian born Christian ADHD furry and gotten death threats as young as 10-13 years old I know that. I also know that some people say "You are only you.. You have no right to compare yourself or tell that you are part of Pride or part of anything.." I say EVERYONE should feel safe and feel right to celebrating for being able to stay alive when people around them do and say horrible things to them.

Also everyone is different. There is no other you or other me. We must value that. We all are valuable and unique. We all should remember that and love one an other.

Love instead of hate. That is what I think Pride and life in general should be all about.

But then again I'm just "stupid Gollumn looking retarded ugly Russian shit who should have been shot the instance she drew her first breath who can never have any friends because she is so irrated by toxic radioactive shit".

What do I know about anything, right?

Animal crossing?

Because of the quarantine and mostly because I was bored I bought Old Animal Crossing New Leaf from Nintendo store.

I dunno if anyone else still plays this but in case you are interested hit me up. :D

Here is my fc in case you wanna join me: 1805-2281-2069

Horror in real life

This all shit feels so unreal..
Like stuff like this happens on Netflix's horror series not in real life. :/
I wanna scream and wake up.
Only that I know that this dream is real and there is no awakening..

Merry Christmas!

I want to wish all of you late Merry Christmas. I ve been just being relaxing and sleeping myself.
Atm I'm still at the bookstore working as an intern and I hope I can get to keep working there after the traineeship is over.

I love my workplace and I love my colleagues, they are the best.
Also I ve been thinking to maybe start streaming again since I just got myself new headphones. <3
Too bad I've been sleeping it in and again failed an other day when I could have just streamed stuff online.

Tomorrow I m gonna see my friendss and I hope my last Christmas present will somehow make it in time.. of being already late.
See ya around.

Hello again .. and oh yes, Skaven are cute-adorable

Sorry for not replying to anything nor posting anything back. I've been super busy with work. Okay, I admit I might have had time to post after work but I found myself just so exhausted and overwhelmed and tired after the work hours. I love my current work-trainee position and I love my co-workers, but for someone who has not done anything besides sleeping and panicking for a couple of last years it's tough to get up and be social on daily bases.

I'm so glad that my boss gave me tickets to the local Bookfair in Helsinki. It was super fun to be there with my irl bestie. But it was also exhausting. It took me half a day to get up today. And because of it, I did not take my daily medicines in time and that is why I ended up confused and dizzy the whole day. Now. I m starting to feel alright and it s 21:57 pm and I should be going to sleep.

To reply to the comment I got last week; don't worry,  I m not mad on you or feel insulted. I know that this blog is kinda crappy. I partially did it on purpose because  I was super lazy and did not know what direction I would wanna take this blog. I kinda don't even want it to be popular. Just the kind of could save my daily thoughts that I can look back, later on, to better reflect and follow my own well being to help me win over my depression.

I always could move the whole thing to Wordpress but again for today when I would have had the time I did not have the energy. I spent half of the day sleeping and the other half to read Skaven lore from Warhammer world.

And when I realized I was too dizzy and confused to not be able to read anything I just gave up and started to play Mordheim the city of damned. I would still be playing it unless I did not make critical fail and run out of money. Time to start new Warband again.

And yes, I know that Skaven are the bad guys and stuff.  Maybe because I myself have gotten so much hate on myself for being non-Finnish by birth and adopted I can kinda relate to the Skavens for being hated for being Skaven. Yes I know its not the whole truth and Skaven are hated for their acts but I kinda feel sorry for them for not knowing anything better than just being Skavens and doing Skaven stuff.

And to the end I wanna share some pics I found from dA


http://fav.me/dc5rbiq


http://fav.me/dcztblu


http://fav.me/dblvh50


...
So ya.. When I see these cute fluffy bois fight against this:



I m all about taking the furry side of the argument.
Not to forget that Skaven have the cutest way of talking. 

Vastaus kommenttiin;

Juu. Näemmä bloggeri ei anna minun itseni edes vastata kommentteihin. Taitaa olla aika laittaa alusta vaihtoon, ja tehdä uusi blogi paremmalle alustalle. Ja joo siis en ole tätä ulkoasuakaan jaksanut laittaa, kun tämä on aikaisemmin ollut lähinnä sellanen oma henkireikä omaan pahaan oloon, ja tyhjä kuilu jonne huutaa kun sattuu. Mulle aika uusi ilmiö, että kukaan edes tätä lukee. Mitä tuossa kesällä oli piikkejä. Ja joo mulla on ollut ihmiskammoa ja paniikkihäiriöitä jo vuosia koulukiusaamistaustan takia. Siksi osittain oonkin niin vainoharhainen sen suhteen kun jostain Kaksoissola.netistä tulee päivittäin pingiä, että joku tätä blogia lukee, vaikkei siellä aktiivisesti käy käsittääkseni kuin ylläpitäjät, ja sitten yksi henkilö, jona kanssa ei oikeen olla tultu toimeen, koska henkilö haluaa ystävyyssuhteilta ihan eri asioita kuin minä. Kyseinen henkilö on aikaisemmin tunnustanut stalkkineensa minua niin vähän hermostunut olo sen suhteen että mitä kyseinen ihminen minulta haluaa kun ei oikeen olla kyetty olemaan kavereita, ja ei ole tekemisissä tahtonut olla minun kanssa ( kun ei se ole onnistunut ilman kissatappelua.) niin sellanen "Mitä ihmettä minulta nyt halutaan fiilis."

Mutta juu. Kyllä tätä blogia saa toki lukea jos haluaa, mutta itse en vaan ymmärrä mikä omassa elämässä on muka niin kiinnostavaa..
Kun viime kesänä tuli sellaisia piikkejä, että blogia luettiin saman henkilön toimesta ´+100 kertaa viikossa.

Pitäs varmaa kysyä ihan suoraan?

Koska tätä blogia selvästi luetaan, niin mitä mun pitäs tehdä, että saisin kommentteja ja mielipiteitä näistä mun kirjoituksista?

Ja ihan sekin kiinnostaa, että mikä mun elämässä nyt niin kiinnostaa että tätä yleensä luetaan?
Mikä mun elämässä muka on niin kiinnostavaa?
Mutta sitten ei kuitenkaan niin kiinnostavaa, että jaksettaisiin kommentoida tai reagoida mun postauksiin millään tavalla.

Ihan vaan mietityttää, sillä olisi kivaa saada palautetta, kun tätä kerran luetaan. :3

Ja jos et uskalla tänne kommentoida niin toinen vaihtoehto on aina tuossa oikealla, josta voit lähettää minulle s-postia. Se lähettää ihan tämän minun blogin nimissä minulle s-postia joten sen pitäisi olla aika turvallinen käyttää, jos nyt niin kamalasti pelkäät yksityisyytesi puolesta.

Ja anteeksi nyt että puhun tästä taas, muttakun olisi kivaa tietää mistä kirjoittaa, niin että saisi vähän vuorovaikutusta minun ja teidän lukijoiden välille. :3

Books

I apologize that I haven't been posting in a while. I  managed to get myself an internship in a local bookstore and I feel really excited. I have been there now for a week and I love it.
My favorite section is the section for old books. I already managed to give it in and buy myself a book from there. The book I bought is called Pocahontas by Susan Donnell. I think I would be buying lots more books from there if not my own bookshelves weren't so full of stuff already.

But ya. Another thing that has kept me from writing this blog is the boring fact that while I keep pouring my heart out  I feel like all the same people keep reading this and none of them comments anything. It feels weird. It still makes me feel lit like Im being stalked by some creep.

But I guess  I should just try to be an adult and ignore the creeps. After all, I have had this "diary/blog" thingie for ages to pour my heart out while I felt bad.  I still feel like I wanna say that if some of you are just stalking-stalking me and feeling like you have something you want from me or something you want to say to me please open your mouth and say the thing you wanna say and then move on and go do something interesting and something you enjoy.

I m still having a hard time to believe that anyone would find my life or my blog a least bit interesting. But according to the statistics, I m reading this blog is actually kinda popular... Mostly on people who love GNG wich I find really interesting since this blog has nothing to do with GNG.

It's like you would hear a person who loves coffee would keep his or her whole day busy by reading a blog that is all about how to make perfect tea and why coffee stinks. Mostly maybe because I find the "latest GNG" aka GDN bit of like lazy fanfic more than real story anymore. And I have to say I'm most disappointed with Mister Takahashi. I loved his old works. But this one feels more like a fanfic than anything. And maybe that is the case. Maybe it, in fact, is fanfic at this point. Maybe the publishers -The same ones that demanded that dogs should talk like humans etc- are now in the charge of making the whole plot.  I read the last spoilers about who gets killed and ya, I m not spoiling anything to you. But I have to say that the "New Ginga is like a limping dog on his last breath after getting hit by a truck twice after getting hit by a shotgun in the head to roll to the road in the first place. "

There just is no magic anymore. In my case, the magic started running out on GDW when Weed seemed so much like a re-write of GNG.

But ya, if you are reading this it would be nice to know why you keep reading my boring blog?
To be honest I would have to say that if someone else was writing a similar blog than mine I would not read it because my life is super boring and I don't like to read about boring stuff. I'm just having hard time to believe that you have the energy even to open this page when you people could be talking and chatting with your friends on Skype or Discord or whatever you people like using atm.
In fact, I do have my own Discord server if you people wanna chat with me. Hit me with a comment if you want the URLs.
Yours.
Varjokani

About next week?

It has been kinda weird to be home after the course. Next week will be a course week again. Then I should have gotten an internship. I m still a bit nervous about that. But gladly I have super awesome classmates who are there to support me and help me out.

Last weeks

I've been really busy lately. Okay, I admit I might have had time in afternoons/evenings after the courses I've been taking but after leaving the house to get to morning bus at 7:25 and returning home somewhere around or after 5pm I just don't have the energy required to do anything else but to either try avoiding sleep by watching Netflix, or playing WOW or just giving it in and sleeping. These next weeks I should have more time because Im now taking a break from the course. During these two weeks, I should try to find myself a job training place. I m a bit nervous because I m scared for two things. Firstly what If no one wants me? Second is what if two places want me and I pick the "wrong place." I want a place where I can feel safe because I have a human phobia and social anxiety and panic attacks from the slightest signal that someone does not like me. That is still haunting me after being bullied at school.

But ya. I will try to start sending e-mails during this weekend to the places in hope of a job where I can hopefully sketch and draw stuff. I kinda wanna apply for video game making companies but I don't know how to code and I don't think they have the time or resources to train me. I wish they would because I love learning new things and I really want this work training session to work so I could learn something during it.

I've managed to not get panic attacks during the class and all thanks to me being allowed to carry my raccoon hug buddy/backpack with me.  I've done lots of self-observation studies lately and I've learned that having something that you can hug and protect while in a panic attack or flashback episode it really helps me to cope and tricks my brains into thinking that I have a child that needs protecting. I know it sounds silly and stupid and makes me sound like a lunatic. Well, guess what. The kind of people who bullied me at school are the reason for me being "crazy". Like I have this phobia and this thing that makes my brains think that everyone is out there to get me and hurt me and I m in mortal danger every time I step out from the house. And my brains keep thinking that every person is a potential danger.

Remember kids; If you keep harassing and bullying people and stalking them just to make yourself feel better about yourself you make the world full of people who fear and hate you and you make people unable to ever trust anyone or anything.

Kya owo what is this?

Can we just discuss what happened to DeviantArt's clear theme?
Yes I m sure the new one looks just fine on mobile (haven't tested that out yet because I just woke up and decided to open my computer...) But wait. I took me a while to realize that I did not misspell the URL. The new URL looks so weird. And so creepy.
Also, why did my shift key just did not wanna work a second ago? OwO what is this? I m so confused right now?
Also, I m considering if I should just start posting this flarg to Tumblr because no one except my irl best friend and a stalker is reading this page. Lol.
Then again I don't mind it being just my irl best friend reading this. But a creepy stalker not so much.
And why Im telling you this is I kinda wanna interact with users. I would switch back to vlogging but We have been having roof repairs all day long and I don't wanna flarg the audio up.

Aaand today I m feeling enough of #badhairday to not open the camera and posting to tube anywaays. Also loading good quality vids takes foreeveeer. And I hate my own face. Maybe I should make a post and discuss my low self-esteem again. For some reason discussing and posting about my feelings here helps me to understand myself better and helps me to analyze all the stuff going on my head. I warmly recommend posting a blog to anyone who is feeling like they don't know what to do and how to deal with all the mess on their heads.

Like seriously, this just typing what comes to my mind and went about stuff. Its damn relaxing and damn addicting. I recommend it. Yes, I also know that there is a limit of what I can rage here but I still enjoy doing it. It helps me clear my mind.

But ya. Also, there is the point of me starting a new job-related club activity soon. After being at home I  feel a bit nervous and shy about it. I'm also having bit mixed feelings if I should take Pocky with me because I don't wanna be the "weird kid", but then again no way I m going in there without something to hug if a panic attack strikes out of the blue. It is not like any of the people are there to hug me and help me to calm down when they most likely will just be the reason Im stressed out the first place.
Also note to myself; Clean your fucking keyboard. I just noticed how much dust there is between the keys. Maybe that is the reason for all of the lags. Also an other reminders;
-Do art
-Write the damn fanfic
-Kiss a raccoon