Today's weather reflecting world

Its seems it started to rain again. Mään. I did cry out for sun keeping me awake at night but I wasn't actually hoping for rain either. And here I notice myself acting like typical stupid human -- Its fun how some of us ( this time me in cluded) is never satifised with the weather. Always either too cold or too hot. Or then there ain't no wind and the air is rough and sharp like road in the contryside with no asphalt on it. So dusty that it makes one puke. Or then there is hot air and wind beating the hot air on your face untill it hurts. Or then its too cold.

When think of it we all have suffered for things I listed above. Many times when you see beautiful holiday island you think "wow this place is  paradise" but when being honest to ourself there is always something wrong. .. And do you know why? My quess is as good as yours but I think its because this isn't paradise. Its fallen world.
..
Yes you can see many beautiful things here, and some awesome scenery. And beautiful music.. But also horrible things like war, people dying for either being sick or hungry or then get killed by each other because other one was dating a guy other was interested on. That one was seen in Finnish media couple weeks ago. Two girls who were "doing okay with each other", one gets mad, visits the other's home and kills other because "just happened to get bitch rage mode on" or someting.

Ya. Bros. How ever I try looking this world I just can't make it feel like paradise. When I'm alone, listening good music and eating icecream I think then I can have glimpse of paradise.. But still. Something is missing.

I found my hope for thinking that maybe Jesus does love me and maybe there is heaven for mad furries like myself. But how about you dear reader? What keeps you not getting insane and loosing all hope when the  world around you turns out to be gloomy place? I'm interested to hear your story. Please comment and share your story below.

Or if you are just struggling and going one day before an other like I used to do sometimes and most of my days I still struggle and cry out when I fail. How does that feel? Can you relate anything I wrote here?

-Varjokani

Feverish nonsense of nothing interesting

I just feel like writing a story even I don't have any ideas what to tell. Also I feel numb and sensless like I was half dead. Maybe it is because I feel really tired... But somehow I still want to write a storyline of mice and rats and all kind of creatures fighting for their freedom somewhere far away from here in the era when humans were not concoured all the forests and land in world themselves.

I have imagine in my head about animals ruling all by themselves and taking care of their own busines. But maybe it is because of fever starting to rise again.. or maybe it is because I just read 'The secret of Nimh' but at the other hand I think it is because of both.

Forest, walleys and rivers they all kinda float before my eyes and I feel like I m there not here. I kinda can hear the wind in trees and feel the sun in my face. But not only I can feel the warmness of the sun, but I can feel something really evil lurking around.

That is the world I wanna write about but my head feels kinda empty of toughts. I don't have any ideas what would be the main plot. Lost sword or lost "hero" finding himself being hero feels too used for me.. Same thing goes with the "One ring to rule them all."

Maybe I m odd, because when I  m tired or ill I always want to write stories and do stuff.. Just when I was supposed to rest and take a nap I want to write or do something else instead.. Who cares. I bet no one reads this blog anyways. Well I don't care it either if anyone really reads this or not but I just feel like this writing kinda clears the mist inside my head.

Well my head is different for rest of us. After all I was supposed to be "A wild child".. I have read it takes only 2-3 years to human grow up his/hers first years without any contacts in other humankind to become one ... well whatever.

I just keep thinking what would happen if not and when not that and this but same time I feel like thinking of nothing, when the other side of my head keeps planning the plot for new novel. Well I quess it is normal for me when I m ill. I never tought of it before before now.

Maybe I should stop writing all this nonsense and shit?.. Why? Then I would feel really bored and I really don't feel like I want to go to bed just yet. And maybe if I keep writing my toughts down I manage to cathch up that Fever raged picture from my head and make a good book plot from it.

That brings to me to think that I never published any of my official texts anywhere.. Should I? Maybe not. I think they would be too boring so no one would not read them anyways. But anyways why do I think of what people do think anyways? Why anyone thinks of that?

It seems to be somekind of inner type in our nature to think what other think of us even it only makes us to think before we act, but somehow it also makes us to not act.. Because we somehow are scared of the world around us. Why? That is a question we all can ask from ourselfs and maybe we wake up a bit smarter at next morning.. Maybe not but maybe.