The Lonely Cry of a Real Christian in a Land of LARPers: A Testimony from Finland

I write this not from unbelief—but from too much belief.

Too much hope.

Too many betrayals by those who claim to know Jesus—yet live as if He never wept, never touched the leper, never cried over Jerusalem.

→ I am born-again.

→ I believe the Bible.

→ I believe Jesus is Yahweh in the flesh, the Arm of God revealed.

"Who has believed our message? And to whom has the Arm of the Lord been revealed?"

Hebrew: זרוע יהוה (zeroa YHWH) → His Arm

(Isaiah 53:1 / John 12:38 AMP)

I love Him with all my brokenness. But here in Finland, I am not rejected by the world—but by the churches.

→ They speak in tongues—without interpretation

→ Always the same chant, Yoruban: korede-le → "bring honor, bring blessing"

→ No humility, just glow and forced performance

They LARP holiness.

Not like I used to LARP Skaven stormvermin for fun—but a dangerous roleplay of sainthood.

They dress up in tongues and “moves of God” but cannot sit next to someone with PTSD, ADHD, BPD, or dissociation like me.

→ I’ve dissociated in churches after being called slurs

→ People avoided me like trauma was sin

→ Like I was the unclean thing

But Jesus didn’t avoid the broken. He touched them.

"A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish."

Hebrew: קָנֶה רָצוּץ לֹא יִשְׁבֹּר

(Isaiah 42:3 / AMP)

They shunned me for crying.

For asking for love instead of image.

For defending Jewish people while they cursed Israel and claimed to replace her.

→ They want a god of their own pride

→ A god who demands nothing but blesses everything—even bullying

→ A god who hates Israel and mocks the broken

Even after October 7th, my friends left.

The last ones vanished when I asked them to stop mocking my trauma.

→ Not for sin. But for begging for kindness.

They say I don’t have the Holy Spirit because I cry.

Because I break.

Because I still love people after they leave.

But the Bible says otherwise.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Hebrew: קרוב יהוה לנשברי לב ואת־דכאי־רוח יושיע

(Psalm 34:18)

Messiah would sit with me. He did sit with people like me.

Not once did He run from the broken.

I no longer go to church buildings—not because I left God, but because I can’t find Him there.

I search. I hope. I cry.

But all I find are proud Finnish LARPers.

→ They think holiness = not drinking, not being gay

→ But they curse Russians like me

→ They mock disabilities

→ They treat “holy” as a performance

Hebrew “qadosh” = קָדוֹשׁ = set apart, belonging to God

Not fake perfection. But devoted to His heart.

They read:

"Rakasta lähimmäistäsi niin kuin itseäsi"

(love your neighbor as yourself)

→ and twist it into:

“Love your closest friends and family if they serve your image.”

They forget that “neighbor” meant the one you despise.

Greek: πλησίον (plēsion) = neighbor = anyone near you, even enemy

(Luke 10:29–37)

Even the LARP group I used to play with—Skaven, the vermin, the murderers—felt more honest.

Why? Because the Skaven knew they were evil. They didn’t pretend.

But Finnish LARP-Christians wear glowing masks and spew slurs behind backs.

→ They say trauma means I haven’t given pain to Jesus

→ But maybe the truth is → they never gave their pride to Him

They ask if I have forgiven.

Me.

The one spit on. Ignored. Mocked.

→ Yet they still curse Russians for history I didn’t live

→ Still hold sacred their hate while preaching love

"Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."

Greek: ἀγαπᾶτε τοὺς ἐχθροὺς ὑμῶν

(Matthew 5:44)

They post it on Facebook but don’t live it in pews.

They don’t greet me. Won’t sit next to me. Won’t hug me.

But I’m the one they say has bitterness?

No.

I’m the one who still shows up. Still prays. Still hopes.

They’re the ones who ghost anyone that wounds their image.

→ Maybe God hasn’t sent me safe people here

→ Because maybe there are none yet

But I still believe this:

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

(Psalm 147:3)

"I will never [under any circumstances] desert you, nor give you up nor leave you without support."

(Hebrews 13:5 AMP)

You who feel like me:

→ You are not rejected by Yahweh

→ You are the reason Jesus came

→ You are not forgotten

I haven’t left the Church.

But the Church left me.

To those who still mock the broken—REPENT.

To those who push away the wounded—REPENT.

To those who curse Israel—REPENT.

If even one person lives like Jesus after reading this, my loneliness will not be wasted.

Signed,

A broken but beloved disciple of the true Messiah.

I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.

Thunder headache - Hello summerstorms!

Yesterday was really interesting day. I got my first really bad case of thunder headache of the summer, yaay... I quess. Or not so yeaaay, when I explain what it is all about.

When ever its low pressure on the air that happens usually during the  beginning of thunder storm I get this headache. It starts as small headache but as the pressure builds up it ends up a migraine and me feeling really dizzy, and really annoyed by everything.

Funny thing is that even I was indoors it still happens. Once I was at Messukeskus Helsinki (link to their page here,) wich is competely indoors with heavy walls. And it has air conditioning of their own. So I was not in any kind of contact with outside.. and I still got "thunder headache" as I call it. Usually I never get headache, but during thunder storm approaching I always get really bad headache and feel dizzy. When I got headache in Messukeskus I was like "Wait what is this headache..? It cant be...? Wait what?" Then when I got out and saw it  rained heavily and there was the smell of the thunder int the air I was like "Oh okay this explains it."

At the other hand its useful to have this kind of super power to sense when the storm is gonna hit so I can get indoors and make sure the interenet is turned off during the storm so the lightning wont fry the modem, but then again it really can ruin the whole day and its really hard to cope with headache that keeps going on whole day.

Like this headache started actually day before yesterday, as mild discomforty feeling in my head. Yesterday it went bad. And as I m writing this I feel like the headache is slightly coming back. I quess its gonna still thunder up today.

Like this thing keeps messing with something with my brain until the pressure dissapears from the sky. Ive had this since I was a kid and at first I tought I was just crazy. But like now as an adult I have read from the internet that I m not the only one with this kind of condition so I can say high five to all others who suffer for this.

As far as I m aware there is no cure for this. Yes I can take painkillers but they only affect for short time and activate quite slowly.. and I'm the kinda person who eats painkillers only when I cant stand the pain at all. Also as far as I m aware people still dont know even the cause of this.

All I know is that for some reason low air pressure during the storms makes something to switch on my brains and give me headache that makes me feel like I was sea sick. But like I mentioned earlier, there is always "the cool factor" that I m walking weather antenna and storm warning. Thunderstorms cant surprise me. Other than the feeling when the headache starts before the actual storm and I go " Oh really? Do we have to have this storm today?" Also I love ruining it to people that I talk with when they are like "Hey wanna come to beatch with us, we bet its fun!" and I m like "Nah I pass and you should  too because its gonna thunder hard." It is always kinda interesting to see peoples faces when they realize I was right at it.

And yes the headache keeps up during the storm. It only eases after the storm is gone and weather has cleared again.

over-reaction of self-defense and other nice stuff in Finland aka. Meanwhile in Finland

So basicly it seems that some "SMART DUDES" in Finland think that its okay to teach kids that if they rape someone its okay, and they just have to pay little money ('and when they don't have money goverment pays it off??") to get free hotel for couple of months or maybe for a year. Plus if anyone speaks badly about u and tell u are dangerous its a bad thing. So basicly you can go free in a year to roam free and do an other rape?
..
What the fuck.?..

What the actual fuck?

When someone does anything to hurt someone else, AND ISN'T EVEN SORRY for it. Its highly possible that with given change and "premission" they do it again. And in some case thei did it again. You can read it from newspapers that someone sexually assaulted someone and had records of doing violence to the even same person before. And still they are free to go where ever they please?
..

Ya, I don't wanna judge people. If you did some bad stuff in your past and you were sorry for it AND CHANGED to the better. And QUIT hurting people its okay. I don't blame you. But this is just so wrong. And I for one m coward of people and going out already. This is getting to the point when its not safe to go out again..?

Oh and I almost forgot the most 'awesome' part called "LEGITIMATE SELF-PROTECTION violent hyperbole", hätävarjelun liioittelu. It means basicly if someone tries to rob you or rape you and you happen to hit them in face so they get a nose bleed etc. Or the fact they even feel any pain for it is reason enough to you get to pay big money for the criminal for "hurting them invain while they were to try harm you."

Ya. In here it seems if someone breaks into your house and you show them fireplace poker stick and tell them to 'go away before you have to defend yourself' they can sue you for threatening their very life..
Or like I said if you hit thief in act thief gets you busted for using too much force.

And then again there were cases about rape where people were told "But he isn't quilty 'cause you did not do all you could to stop him..'  But how can you do anything if its enough to get you busted. 

Graw. I hate Finland.. or I hate its judges who judge dudes for selling snuff (tobbaccoo you put on your lip) for over a 3 years when people can walk free from rape because "It wasn't so humiliating".

--
Ya. Sorry guys but I'm just so much hate and fear for this thing. Its not nice to live in a country where defending yourself is a crime, and also there is none to defend and rise up for you if you need help. Not law at least.

Meanwhile in Finland "Pay or we take ur pixels kids"

Now when you read this Google translated text remember that Gosupermodel.fi is k3 site for kids aged 7-15 as main target group.

"Two options for goSupermodel

As you already know, we have cut down a lot of our resources in terms of goSupermodel. We have ended up with campaigns and the like to save money. It has helped some time now, but unfortunately we have now come to the point where we realize that goSupermodel costs more for watAgame than what we earn it. Something must be done.

goSupermodel would not exist if it were not for you. We are so happy and grateful that you want to spend your time here and keep in touch with your GsM friends. We know that many of you have started your own campaigns to save goSupermodel - yes, we have seen your research and read your emails. We are very touched by your dedication and all that you do for the site means so much to us. That is why we have decided that you will have a say in deciding what will happen in future.

We have two options.

The first option is to goSupermodel will shut down later this year. We do not know exactly when, but if we shut down so the decision is crucial: After that it will not goSupermodel exist back in some form. It had obviously been very sad.

The other option is that you help us keep goSupermodel alive. It would mean that pay real money. We have calculated that approximately 1.50 per user / day had covered our costs of running the site. For the money you would also get goMoney and Diamonds, and we had been able to take back some of the things that users lacked - for example goKoder. It would be cheaper than what VIP is now, but have the same advantages. With only those who pay for GSM on the website had control models do not exist. It had made the community much stronger and more fun. For this to happen, enough to be willing to pay for goSupermodel.

Take a moment and think about these two options. It's the only options we have, so you have to take a stand. Which option do you choose?

Fill out the survey to help us determine the goSupermodel future!

"

And yes, what do you think? Its it is right to ask kids pay 54 euros per year?
Also this message states only good people stay and makes "those who dont stay" as it is bad people.  


Credit: Used Svedish version as translation base google translated:

       
Två alternativ för goSupermodel

Som ni redan vet så har vi skurit ner en hel del på våra resurser när det gäller goSupermodel. Vi har slutat med kampanjer och liknande för att spara pengar. Det har hjälpt oss en tid nu, men tyvärr har vi nu kommit till den punkt då vi inser att goSupermodel kostar mer för watAgame än vad vi tjänar på det. Något måste göras.

goSupermodel hade inte existerat om det inte vore för er. Vi är så glada och tacksamma för att ni vill spendera er tid här och hålla kontakt med era gSm-vänner. Vi vet att många av er har dragit igång era egna kampanjer för att rädda goSupermodel - ja, vi har sett era undersökningar och läst era emails. Vi är väldigt rörda av ert engagemang och allt ni gör för sajten betyder så mycket för oss. Det är därför vi har beslutat oss för att ni får vara med och bestämma vad som ska hända framöver.

Vi har två alternativ.

Det första alternativet är att goSupermodel kommer stängas ner senare iår. Vi vet inte exakt när, men om vi stänger ner så är beslutet avgörande: Efter det kommer inte goSupermodel existera igen i någon form. Det hade såklart varit väldigt ledsamt.

Det andra alternativet är att ni hjälper oss att hålla goSupermodel vid liv. Det skulle innebära att betala riktiga pengar. Vi har beräknat att ungefär 1,50 SEK per användare/dag hade täckt våra kostnader för att driva siten. För de pengarna skulle du också få goPengar och Diamanter, och vi hade kunnat ta tillbaka några av de saker som användarna saknat - till exempel goKoder. Det skulle vara billigare än vad VIP är nu, men ha samma fördelar. Med endast de som betalar för gSm på hemsidan hade trollmodeller inte existerat. Det hade gjort communityt mycket starkare och roligare. För att detta ska kunna bli verklighet måste tillräckligt många vara villiga att betala för goSupermodel.

Ta en stund och fundera över dessa två alternativ. Det är de enda alternativen vi har, så du måste ta ställning. Vilket alternativ väljer du?

Fyll i undersökningen och hjälp oss bestämma över goSupermodels framtid!
   
       
   
Ta undersökningen
   
   
       
       
Diskutera på goSupermodel

Mycket på en gång, va? Diskutera alternativen och dina känslor med de andra modellerna i forumet.
   
       
   
Gå till goSupermodel
   
   
SES SNART PÅ: GOSUPERMODEL! 

Latest news of my summer

The summer has finally fallen in Finland. Its kinda lovely how warm it is outside.
It is like whole new world after that cold and hard winter when you could barely see the sun. Now it seems the sun never goes to sleep but keeps hanging around 24/7. Well I have heard that in Lapland it really happens even never seen it with mine own eyes.

Well soon we will have our summer holiday. Actually now beginning week is the last one. I kinda feel sad because it. Well it is nice to relax and sleep but I have to admit that I m going to miss my class during the summer. We just have the best gang there. Everyone of us is just unique and that makes us "us". The second year media student group middle of nowhere.

I also feel bit sad when I think about it that during these two awesome year our group has become smaller when some of us have failed to keep going and studying. They have come tired because long days at school or then just wanted to do something else instead of studying. Well luckily the main group is still the same even     some people dropped out of the school at the beginning of the year. I kinda feel ashamed because I have already forgotten their names.

But I still want to keep studying editing and coding even I have learned myself my lessons how hard it can get. Maybe my classmates are right and I m mad.. After all I think we all are bit mad.  I just happen to be the one who loves coding Java Script and HTML5.

But what would I tell about my life and happenings..?
Please comment and say aloud what you want to read. :3

I would love to write a lot of things but then I notice I need to go to do couple of ambience thingies for Monday.

Writing more soon..
-Varjokani

Autumn coming up..?

I really don't know if there is any point of write blog no one will never read. Even in accident but because I m bored now I think I will just write it in any case. Today it should be warm weather but still it was chilly to me at dawn. Yep. It seems that the  summer finally is over and the season of leaves is coming. And just when I got  used to sun it is gone. Well it isn't snowing yet.

Most of people who never have seen snow think that it must be awesome and cool to see, but I who see snow every Winter think that its boring and COLD. I can tell you that it feels like you would be standing in giant freezer with no way out. Its not nice feeling. At cold wintery nights and evenings I usually go to my bed and make there my own "nest". Lots of warm pillows and warm night wear and maybe bottle of lemonade and a good book and  I m perfectly happy.. As well as lines don't get broken.. Sometimes at winter there is so much snow that trees just fall on power lines, or at least they lean on them enough to  make whole village where I live black and cold place. Usually it takes just about day to fix that but if damages are on large area we can be couple of days blocked from outside world.   That is the bad side of winter that seems to be not so much thought about when people think how "nice" snow is.

Okay luckily there is time to wait until winter comes because leaves are just starting to fall. But you can never know before that happens.

And how about Autumn now? Well its getting colder all the time, and suddenly there  is warm day and you feel like "why did I take all these clothes on?!" And when you leave them next day home you feel sorry for it. :-'D

Yep. Weather changes here a lot.

Small info of this year...

Yes I have been lazy with school. Also I have been troubled by not having enough time of my own. Like I have hardly time to study, and then the rest of my time goes when I try to reload myself for the next day. Yes I think most of people just think I m just shittyhead idiot who has no life but they are wrong. I m not idiot. I m just freaking bored of being "like everyone else". I just wanna be me, and this is how Varjokani became to be like it is today. Its 100% result of me being bored and wanted to do something random. Yes, I guess many hate me because of it because in in Finland you just have to be "normal" or then everyone will hate you. Or at least you have be like everyone else. Like part of large flood, and if you arent you are idiot, and stupid. I just guess I m too stubborn headed to act like people wish me to do. It just not me at all. Somehow I feel like if I try to act like everyone else I fail everyone, and I cant act anything else but to be stupid old me. 8-) I think everyone have right to be what they are, but somehow it seems like I dont have that right. But I dont care. I will be me till the very end of my days. And yes, I m being over dramatic but you just have to live with it. Just go away from this page... Oh and I almost forgot. I m planning new project but that is kinda a secret. You can see it later... If I ever get energy to post here when no one reads these posts anyway. :-) -Varjokani