It is warm, and it is lovely. But somehow I ended up getting some kind of flu again.
I m sure that this flu haunts me. Somehow I always manage to get the same disease year after year. Well it never stopped me and this year is not going to be any different. I m going to enjoy my summer no matter what.
..
At this moment I m doing it while eating icecream and watching Biker Mice From Mars -tv series. That brinhgs me just one question. Did Vinnie have ADHD? Well if he has I m so proud of him to have same broblem as I have. Being hyperactive can sometimes be really annoying. And sometimes the one who is annoying is you. And then you just wanna scream and hit your head to the wall. But it can be quite fun time to time.. It is really fun when it is you who saves the day being hyperactive and "crazy" (who should have died) but somehow you survive and save the day.
Sometimes it seems that people have forgotten how to be happy and enjoy their life. And many seems to have big problems trying to see the bright side of life. Even I who again got sore throat and flu realize to have this same problem. But maybe I just needs to learn something from Vinne and learn to simle when I do something really stupid and when everything is going to be mess. Maybe it would do a big favor to all of us to learn to think positive. And yes what I just did write? Well never mind I m too lazy to undo, even it would mean I had to undo half of this text unless I want it to look like unofficial add that makes you to watch Biker mice from mars-series. Well like I said. Have fun and be happy! That is what I m going to do. And do it with style! Yeee-haa! 8-D -Varjokani
Well now it is time to write my last blogtext at this period. Tomorrrow I can sleep with no more worries about studies. Today was my last day at studying.. Well don't worry I haven't been kicked out from there (yet.) I will come back to school at next autumn when the leaves fall.
Somehow even I do feel relaxed and happy I find myself quite melancoly about when I think I m going to miss all the fooling around the classroom with my classmates. I m really going to miss it. But then again I know we all can rest from hard work and long days at coding etc.
And I m 100% My neck will love it. I have had horrible pains in my neck and upper back. AND I damn know also the reason why --> Coding. ^^'
Well I have been warned about it but still I don't feel the pain when I code and do something interesting. And I kinda love coding and programming and want to do it more.. Yes I m doing this even I know it is not maybe the best for me.
But how can I stop doing something I love? How can anyone stop anything they love?
I know it is called addiction but when I think of it I notice that everyone is somehow addicted or depending of something.
For some it is friends, some it is tobacco, drawing, dogs, cats, pets, hobbies, running, sleeping, reading,..
For me I feel quite unpleasant if I just stand and do nothing.. So I enjoy most of myself when I keep coding simple codes html java script. etc.
The sun just keeps shining and I find it to almost impossible to keep track of my own mind and thoughts. I mean I should be editing couple of sound files and I have almost done them all but I find my own mind wandering all the time. I know its part of my ADHD and usually I can control it but lately it has been bit annoying.
I have always used wander in my thoughts when I m sad or something but now I feel bit annoyed. I guess its part of this era that there is only this week studying left before I can rest and the dead part of my brains wants me to sleep..
I say dead because myself I found myself enjoying studying and don't wanna this perioid to end so soon.
But kinda the other side of me wants to rest and draw when other one wants to study. I quess I just have to live with it and luckily soon its time to rest.
The summer has finally fallen in Finland. Its kinda lovely how warm it is outside.
It is like whole new world after that cold and hard winter when you could barely see the sun. Now it seems the sun never goes to sleep but keeps hanging around 24/7. Well I have heard that in Lapland it really happens even never seen it with mine own eyes.
Well soon we will have our summer holiday. Actually now beginning week is the last one. I kinda feel sad because it. Well it is nice to relax and sleep but I have to admit that I m going to miss my class during the summer. We just have the best gang there. Everyone of us is just unique and that makes us "us". The second year media student group middle of nowhere.
I also feel bit sad when I think about it that during these two awesome year our group has become smaller when some of us have failed to keep going and studying. They have come tired because long days at school or then just wanted to do something else instead of studying. Well luckily the main group is still the same even some people dropped out of the school at the beginning of the year. I kinda feel ashamed because I have already forgotten their names.
But I still want to keep studying editing and coding even I have learned myself my lessons how hard it can get. Maybe my classmates are right and I m mad.. After all I think we all are bit mad. I just happen to be the one who loves coding Java Script and HTML5.
But what would I tell about my life and happenings..?
Please comment and say aloud what you want to read. :3
I would love to write a lot of things but then I notice I need to go to do couple of ambience thingies for Monday.
So summer has again creeped and sneaked silently to Finland..
Everything is just so calm and peaceful and warm and in the evening I can hear as birds sing. It is just so peaceful and lovely.
Somehow I feel peaceful from inside also because school is soon over.
Sometimes I wonder how does it possible that time goes so fast. And sometimes I even think if this is the "Biblical" The time will go faster in the end of times because the God is mercyful..-thingie.
I just feel like I just have started studying and its already summer. I m sure I can't be onlyone who feels this way but surely someone else has to feel same way even I havent met him/her yet.
But then again I feel happy because its summer and I can sleep all day long.. ~<3
Yes first there were one in China 2003 and then in USA later and it was in news. I know they destroyed them but I still would want to know why there is no more news of any human rabbit mixing lately..
Its just weird that there is no talking about it. Just like those people would just quit their projects after spending so much money to it.
Why such silence about cloning and mixing humans and animals anyways?
Yes myself I use rabbit as my fursona but I totally found out that kind of mixing bit shocking.
Still at the other hand I m interested to know what has been happening.
When I come to think about myself.. About all sad times I had and all feelings that I had in my life I feel thinking of how I become what I m. After seeing movie based of life of Truddi Chase, girl who had documented with MPD; multiple personalities disorder I have started to think of my own personality.
There is the part of me that is nice and caring and polite but really really weak from inside and who easily wants to cry. When the other side is ready to be social and nice and is always getting great ideas and inspiration from things around me...
Then I have the warrior side of my persona that sometimes I m ready to fight till death. The warrior type of me is silent and just stares people around me. I dunno maybe I m analyzing myself too hard. I just remember when being in confirmation camp I could not get sleep when others were yelling middle of night. I just rose from bed and stared them because I was too tired to talk.. And they said I looked like I was about to kill them. They were scared and I found it odd.
Maybe I do have many sides of my personalities and I think I should not have any reason to worry about MPD as long as I can remeber all things and don't feel like I m snipped awake from moment that I don't remember what happened. So I think I m just normal kid but I still find this kind of thinking interesting. Yet I know when I write this all nonsense here I m sure everyone thinks I m stupid. But you know what. I could not care less. Or at least the "warrior" side of me does not care.
What is that makes human life worth anything? Just lets take religion out from the picture and also lets cut out those who claim that life is worth something. Then what is it?
Yep mates it is nothing.. Then we keep thinking and asking why people kill each other. We must value life. But we don't want to do it. We don't want to speak about Christianity or religions. We want to ignore them because that means there is maybe a God and we maybe have to take respond to our actions and do something..
And the worse of it. We are NOT perfect. We are just humans.
Yep. For so many people it is hard bit to bite. We are not perfect. Ofcurse you say that you are perfect but I bet you also have evil toughs like "borrowin" your friends computer game, phone or anything. Even if that comes to your mind you have committed a crime inside your heart. Every single one of us has done it. We are not perfect. Even how much we claim we are.
So that is why it is so hard to think of God. It makes people sad. That also is used reason why "Not teach kids value of life.." and still kids grow up and become killers. What does the world do?
Nothing.
I m really worried about this whole situation because so many can commit school shooting these days. And its really sad. I m not afraid to die but that someone else might get hurt.. Someone who does not know that Jesus loves him or her. I just find it sad.
But what can I do? These days I think that often but still end up doing nothing for it.
What should I do? Should I speak to people about it. I m sure many would say no. Just be quiet and wait till you get some sense inside your head.. But how long can I or anyone wait when I see people turning into somekind of stone in front of the very eyes of mine.
People just become empty from heart. They have so much troubles that they harden their heart.
And then I just have to stand and watch how they unless die or kill someone else.
I m really really worried.
Maybe I m over reacting. Maybe I should not care of anything around me. But that would mean I should harden my own heart.
---
My head is just so full of toughs that I feel confused and feel like I want to say so many things aloud but then again I come to think if there is any good reason for it. I m pretty sure it helps no one even if I write this text here. Well at the moment I just feel like I want to write and write because of that.
Many people wonder what does go on inside Kim Jong Un -if he even thinks of nothing- I m sure about that.
Some might even think that maybe he does what he does because of his father. But do we really think why he does what he does? What are his moralic values of life?
We know that he has done lots of bad things. We all have done bad things. And we know that he is kind of person who does not be scared to put people in jail or kill them if he does not enjoy how "some of people" think.
Why is that? Is it just because he is mad? Nope. I think its more because no one taught him to value life itself. Nonsense you say. But think of it. If he would keep life and freedom in high value would he try be so hardly what he now is? I m sure he does not.
And where does this way of thinking come from? From Bible?..
Nope. It is more like "Evolution-believing" :
"We have no reason to be in this planet.. We are worth nothing.." -way of thinking.
And even we have seen this way of thinking effecting our own children in a way that they take a gun with them and shoot their class mates why still no one notices how dangerous is to teach "We have no reason to live.. unless we make it ourself."
Just thinking of it.
I m sure many of you will be disagree with this argument and I m not forcing you to be agree with me. Also I hope you are smart enough to let me have my opinion instead of starting a fight just to tell how wrong I might be.
I believe life is a gift from the God, and this kind of thinking puts us all in danger.
I have been really buzy lately. I have been doing my own portfolio lately.
Well I needs to say that now I m sure there is something wrong with my brains because I just love coding and editing.. Even how annoying it can get I still kinda enjoy it.
I have been learning HTML5 and CSS3 lately and I find it kinda fun also.
The only bad side of my life is that I still need medicines for my depression. And when I tried to take less-effective amount of pills I found that I somehow felt like wanting to cry many feelings that I had "hidden inside me"..
I find it a good thing but then it came to my mind that what if I have got too addicted to them so I m depended of them and it feels bit scary.
Well I did not have any scary nightmares or anything like that.. or so far because I don't remember having one unless you count my last night dream as one where I was late for work time training-job place of mine and was about to drown because of huge amount of water in City alleys and inside a mall I was walking by there.
But I returned to my old amout of them and I think okay now.
But yes I really feel I should write here more often because I feel it helps me to keep my head clear from all things that are in my mind.
Sometimes it just feels like I think I m not even awake even I m. But I suppose everything is a lot better than it was over a year ago because I m able to walk among people and I m able to study with out panic attacks 24/7.
Hi again. I think summer is slowly coming into this dark place in world that we call Finland.. Sun keeps shining but still its kinda cold and chilly wind makes me feel freezing.
I know that people say that warm sun gives energy but somehow it feels like its draining all my energy.. Maybe it is just the cold weather that makes me feel really tired. Well what it ever it is I still feel kinda tired when I wake up early to go my everyday route to school and studies.
When I came home yesterday I just fell into my bed and was planning to have "quick naps" that ended up me to sleep till next morning.
My studies are going fine.. I just feel that being kinda tired and feeling lazy is making my studies harder but I think I will manage.
Also the good news are that we keep learning new stuff every day and someday I really can be proud and work for living via doing web-page layouts and even whole pages.
Actually I m thinking starting even doing them now. Still quite planning how to do the advertisements and payments etc. but I m still making progress in that area.
Hugs from Finland and into next time mates!
-Varjokani
Why does it happen that some times you first feel really happy about all nice things around you and then you just feel sad..?
And why do I get the feeling that some people don't know how to handle their sadness but blame others for it?
Okay I think we all do that to time to time but somehow I keep wondering why some of us do it more than rest of us? When they feel down they blame you for it.. Like "I feel horrible because of you." Okay its okay to say that aloud but when you do that and still go near that kinda person like you just would want to hurt yourself more I find myself wandering if everything is okay or not?
Maybe it just is that we people are not perfect, even how hard we try to be perfect and awesome we are not. And when some people notice it they are cool, but some at the other hand get really mad to everyone else around them because those around them did not finish their "Dream world" and keep it standing for them.
..
Well it is hard to say but I really keep wandering it. :)
Just a normal day in media.. You just have fighting fish on your desk because someone wanted to buy it to film it in school studies and then to throw up and kill it in sewers and you just managed to talk them over to give it to you..
Yep. Just normal day in media.
I have been trying to keep this fish alive for whole day starting 1pm and now its 5:30 pm and I still feel scared and sorry for this little fellow.
Because I could not sleep I decided to practice and do small animation sketching..
Yes its not anything official. Just small sketching I m doing.
Like you can see its kinda rough and sketchy but I kinda enjoy learning how different animators do head movements etc.
I really feel annoyed now.. I mean I still have fever and I feel too tired to read anything (after finishing Lords of the Rings) and too full of energy to sleep. Other thing that is stopping me from sleeping is the heat and feeling like I m boiling alive. I really hate this annoying situation.
Good morning.. I feel better now... I think. I still have cold shivers because of fever not calmed yet down. But the headache I had yesterday evening is gone. In fact I feel brilliant. One of my friends told me about a script language called LUA and now I feel like I must try it out right now. Yes I don't know anything about that language yet, it looks quite similiar than the codes that I have used before so I think I will manage quite nicely. Well we will see that later.
But however I still should think about coding languages because in my studies I have to choose one coding language to learn and become expert with. Well I haven't given that much of touch lately but I kinda feel like I should. After all it will be a move that will take effect on things I will do in my future.. Untill I decide to learn some other language also. But then maybe I m over dramatizing things again?
Well we will see that later.
Now I m going to be really really stupid rabbit-brained kid and download LÖVE and see what happens.
Yes I have a bad habit of exploring things via "Lets see if I push this red button what happens.." And I really enjoy doing it when I m stuck in bed because of being il.
I just feel like writing a story even I don't have any ideas what to tell. Also I feel numb and sensless like I was half dead. Maybe it is because I feel really tired... But somehow I still want to write a storyline of mice and rats and all kind of creatures fighting for their freedom somewhere far away from here in the era when humans were not concoured all the forests and land in world themselves.
I have imagine in my head about animals ruling all by themselves and taking care of their own busines. But maybe it is because of fever starting to rise again.. or maybe it is because I just read 'The secret of Nimh' but at the other hand I think it is because of both.
Forest, walleys and rivers they all kinda float before my eyes and I feel like I m there not here. I kinda can hear the wind in trees and feel the sun in my face. But not only I can feel the warmness of the sun, but I can feel something really evil lurking around.
That is the world I wanna write about but my head feels kinda empty of toughts. I don't have any ideas what would be the main plot. Lost sword or lost "hero" finding himself being hero feels too used for me.. Same thing goes with the "One ring to rule them all."
Maybe I m odd, because when I m tired or ill I always want to write stories and do stuff.. Just when I was supposed to rest and take a nap I want to write or do something else instead.. Who cares. I bet no one reads this blog anyways. Well I don't care it either if anyone really reads this or not but I just feel like this writing kinda clears the mist inside my head.
Well my head is different for rest of us. After all I was supposed to be "A wild child".. I have read it takes only 2-3 years to human grow up his/hers first years without any contacts in other humankind to become one ... well whatever.
I just keep thinking what would happen if not and when not that and this but same time I feel like thinking of nothing, when the other side of my head keeps planning the plot for new novel. Well I quess it is normal for me when I m ill. I never tought of it before before now.
Maybe I should stop writing all this nonsense and shit?.. Why? Then I would feel really bored and I really don't feel like I want to go to bed just yet. And maybe if I keep writing my toughts down I manage to cathch up that Fever raged picture from my head and make a good book plot from it.
That brings to me to think that I never published any of my official texts anywhere.. Should I? Maybe not. I think they would be too boring so no one would not read them anyways. But anyways why do I think of what people do think anyways? Why anyone thinks of that?
It seems to be somekind of inner type in our nature to think what other think of us even it only makes us to think before we act, but somehow it also makes us to not act.. Because we somehow are scared of the world around us. Why? That is a question we all can ask from ourselfs and maybe we wake up a bit smarter at next morning.. Maybe not but maybe.
I managed to download free version of Daz studio to give it as present to my boyfriend. I really hope he likes it.. ^^
But I m still ill and feel really odd and kinda over energized and I hope people will not hate me now. If they do hate me well they haven't said anything just yet.
Still I should be doing some school stuff soon. I still have to finish my audio book and couple other things. But also I feel kinda too tired to think about them now. Maybe I will think of them later and suffer for them later. At the moment I feel too feverish to think anything smart but also I feel I have too much energy to go to sleep now. Also how could I sleep when I promised to go to my boyfrend's birthday.
..
I should also think what code I m going to specialize. I have been thinking of Java Script, Phyton and Lua and I feel like having difficulties to choose between those. Maybe I will make out something maybe I will not. Who knows. After all we cant tell what happens untill it happens for sure.
Also that saying goes with all things with our lifes. We can't know anything until it happens. We might live our last minute now or tomorrow or maybe it will come after next thousand of years..
We will never know. Also I think it is a good thing just for our own safeside to not know happenings of tomorrow. Just think of it. If we would know what would happen to us next we would surely try stay "home and safe" doing nothing and then will would notice we would die knowing having really boring life behind of us.
Would that be nice? Maybe for some of us would say yes but I m not so sure about it. I somehow like surprises and interesting events in life.
Sometimes things just can go so wrong.. I just should be buying something cool for my boyfriend but I got infection in my ears and I feel like I m going just lay here and keep thinking what should I do..
Maybe I figure out something.. Only problem is that its 20:12 and deadline for Birthday partys is tomorrow.. I so hate myself now.
Also I took my kittens neutried today. They are so "drunken" now. I just fear they hurt themselves. Now they are sleeping and I think its a good thing.
Yes its ages since I last posted here or even opened this page. I have been studied a lot. Now I know the basics of Java Script and am able to do lots of nice things.
But what you do say if I start adding here some of coding tips? I mean would anyone be interested?
..
I guess no but still I also enjoy fooling around with the Sims2. Nope I m not going to grow up for long time. Have fun and suffer for it!
And yes this blog is going to be updated a lot before I will start using it again. Hehehe. ^^'
Hello again! Sorry for break at writing. I was bit ill and felt too lazy to write anything. :/ Now I m start to be okay again from fever I got. Nasty fever and ilness always attacks me always when Winter makes its way to Finland.. Yes. I m such "un-perfect" Finnish. I like snow yes, but get easily cold.
But however I must keep studying and learning new things. Yesterday we got new task. We needs to make voice/audio document or fiction play and I m planning to gather some of my old palls to make audiobook of mine own.. Or at least we are going to read one chapter via 6 min time we have.
I will be doing all background sounds, foley art and stuff. This will become really interesting..
So were having one session of studies ending and the an other new one beginning. Now we will study about voice, video and programming. I hardly can't wait. I m so happy..
Okay I also m tired because I was troubles at getting a sleep last night.
But still I feel like I want to learn new things.. Just hoping I don't fall a sleep middle of class.
Also I needs to start planning my own movie project. This time it has to be video, not animation. I just hope I get some nice ideas.
Well all I can do is to believe myself or then be really dang lucky stupid rabbit as my friends call me. :-) Lets see how I can manage.
Well I only have two options. Manage it great and do it so I can be at 3rd grade next year, or then fail and then suffer for it, so I think I just have to do it.
Hi again!
I have been wasting whole of my weekend with sleeping and being really lazy. Well also I upraged my Habbo.com "Water to all pets project". Yes I made account Habbo.com (English version) one evening when I had lots of fever and I could not sleep but wanted something to do. Well now I have opened my room to all pets so their owners can bring them and so they don't need to pay water from store. They can use my water bowls free.
Yes I m sure many of you thinks "well what you got for that?" Well honestly I m so stupid and simple person that I just enjoy seeing other Habbos being happy when their pets have free water and pets can play also. It makes them happy. And when pets are happy their energy auto rises. That means you can level them up faster. :-)
Also I have playing Sims Medieval. Somehow I like it a lot. I got the main game as Birthday present from my boyfriend because he and I love all Medieval stuff. IT was kinda shocking at first notice you could have sword fight and yo could actually kill your "enemy" (meaning the neighbor you don't like) by just fighting him. Also some Sims can steal and poison their neighbor. Its freaking scary. O__O
Okay this is interesting. How can I have wip flipper in use at www.gosupermodel.fi even I m not vip.
This is kinda odd and I tough that I m sharing this pic with you guys. ;-)
Is this some update or what?
Yay! Finally today I got to know that I have passed the Swedish exams and with good score!! I m so happy. Swedish language ever was my strong side. I think I m pretty sure you can't imagine how happy I was when I heard that. I felt like I could just jump of joy and scream.
Well now I have again empty space between classes so all I can do is sit here and wait for next glass to begin. As I have time to write I could tell you about yesterday. We supposed to have whole day class at studio, but for our class bad luck there was school photo-day and studio was in use whole day. And all other class rooms were taken. All we could do is hang on and wait the time to go pass. And for mega bad we had photo-shooting work to do for teacher. At the beginning of the day we had free class at one class. Well we took all flash-stands and stuff and carried it to class. Then EVEN that class was taken for after 12 am ad then there were again all of us standing or sitting in hall and waiting. It was really annoying. And I again learned that my class is not mature enough to given EVEN pillows.. Because we play with them and act like 3 year old kids. Well it was fun. :-D
So I have new task to be done for Swedish lessons. I needs to tell about manga drawing in front of class in SWEDISH. This is going to be interesting. Also I heard that I passed the exam. At the moment I don't know more but I m lucky to know I don't need to re-do whole thing. Also today I m taking Zorro and Veli to vet for first time. I m sure they will be nervous for taking into car but I m glad the wet does not live so far from us. :-)
Media has the power to control life.. How often do you even think about it?
But how often its true?
Lets think about it. We have Facebook etc. Our friends like something there with the button "like" and they ask us also to like it, and then we "like" it and we don't care about anything. How there could be any harm with that?
But how many of us even thinks about it that way. Who can see what we like? Facebook promises to keep our things private if we make our settings "private", but how then we see ads about things we are interested in. Same goes with Google Adds.. And then we have a good change to see what is happening. But do we want to see what social media is doing? Media knows everything about you. You can keep your eyes closed and live happily ever after, and I m pretty sure that is what you are going to do also.
Huh I managed to do my Swedish test.. And I think I made it okay, but today I m finally getting to know how it really went. My studies are going fine.. Too bad that I can't say same about one of my classmates. He keeps being "ill" and lazy and now he even has started lying to others. Like he said to me "Wait for me I will be going to buy some lemonade and will be back soon.."
That was before our last class. I promised to wait for him because he did not know they way to class.. Well he just decided to disappear. Well of curse I was worried of him because I had promised to walk him to the next class and I was sure something bad happened to him. I tried to call him because I had seen he had a phone with him. Still somehow he claimed next day that his phone was at home. -_-
That is why I feel sad about him because he is nice fellow but I think he got some troubles. :/
Well now its done. I did make quite good work with my Sweden exam, or at least I felt like it was easy task to do. Well I cant be 100% sure before I see the exam. And its going to get lot of time before that happens, because our teacher must check them all at first.
And then the an other work this out thingie on my list now is my work training place but I think I JUST HAVE TO FIGURE something out.
By that I mean my kittens Zorro and Veli. Usually its Veli who starts playing and getting wild 11.0pm but yesterday evening it was Zorro. I put lights out and go to sleep and Zorro goes to jump on my studying desk on my laptop. When I put lights back I notice him sitting there with puppy-eyes looking at me.
And yes today was a task to bring some random item to take a photo for studies. Well I complitely forgot that. I was like "eeps.." But luckily I m not the only one who did not remember. I will have studies and exam about WORD typing programme. Lets see if I manage to do it. I can remember all things yes, but I kinda feel like I m going soon fall a sleep. Well lets hope for the best. I just don't wanna fail anything. ALSO I NEED to remember to read for my SWEDISH EXAM this evening. Because we will have large exam about it tomorrow morning. Yep. Everyone who know me I m such sleepyhead at the morning. And again I only can hope for the best.
When I start to write I can't stop it, but you know that already don't you?
Well at this morning I have been feeling quite well rested, and happy even I got awaken by my pet kittens. Yes I have forgot to write here so long time that you don't even know I have pet kittens.
My mom saw add on Shop window that there were kittens who needed home and now we have two small kittens called Zorro and Veli (meaning Brother in Finnish). They are kinda cute, and because they are so small they spend most of their day in my room sleeping and when I m going to sleep they want to play. They wake up 6:00 am and go to sleep 11:00pm. Plus they seem to sleep when I m not home.
The good side of being cute kitten is that when you wake humans up and look cute no one can't get mad on you. Yep. Those little cats are lucky when I just cant be mad or angry for them.
But somehow they want to eat my Warrior cat-books. They are quite critics. ;-)
Here again I had break and time to write and I feel like I should write about something, but somehow I also feel like got no idea what to write. Still I somehow madly feel like I need to write.
Like some part of me or the other me had something to say to people. Or then the other me has something to tell me.. Or then I m just FREAKING BORED AGAIN.
How ever I feel kinda happy about having change to write "junk" and spend some time writing what comes in my mind. I also just feel kinda happy doing it. Like I was doing some good acts but in fact I m just using time and being stupid. Or what can you call idiot like me who draws and writes with out any plan or idea what to do. Just writes "sweet nothing" on paper or Internet and feels happy for the result.
Well I just m starting to build my own game. All ideas are welcome. :-)
Yep. That is what happens after you watch how some people do nice games and then you want to make one yourself. I just still m planning the plot. Also I have been re-reading The Jungle Book. Hahah. Well lets see happens in these days. I love ya all!
"..And Shere Khan was limb, and stupid tiger who had no more sense than run straight into wood cutters campfire.. Then he left horrible mourning.. He had missed and he did not care even if the whole that part of Jungle knew that.. It was man he was hunting tonight."
I really don't know if there is any point of write blog no one will never read. Even in accident but because I m bored now I think I will just write it in any case. Today it should be warm weather but still it was chilly to me at dawn. Yep. It seems that the summer finally is over and the season of leaves is coming. And just when I got used to sun it is gone. Well it isn't snowing yet.
Most of people who never have seen snow think that it must be awesome and cool to see, but I who see snow every Winter think that its boring and COLD. I can tell you that it feels like you would be standing in giant freezer with no way out. Its not nice feeling. At cold wintery nights and evenings I usually go to my bed and make there my own "nest". Lots of warm pillows and warm night wear and maybe bottle of lemonade and a good book and I m perfectly happy.. As well as lines don't get broken.. Sometimes at winter there is so much snow that trees just fall on power lines, or at least they lean on them enough to make whole village where I live black and cold place. Usually it takes just about day to fix that but if damages are on large area we can be couple of days blocked from outside world. That is the bad side of winter that seems to be not so much thought about when people think how "nice" snow is.
Okay luckily there is time to wait until winter comes because leaves are just starting to fall. But you can never know before that happens.
And how about Autumn now? Well its getting colder all the time, and suddenly there is warm day and you feel like "why did I take all these clothes on?!" And when you leave them next day home you feel sorry for it. :-'D
Yes I have been lazy with school. Also I have been troubled by not having enough time of my own. Like I have hardly time to study, and then the rest of my time goes when I try to reload myself for the next day. Yes I think most of people just think I m just shittyhead idiot who has no life but they are wrong. I m not idiot. I m just freaking bored of being "like everyone else". I just wanna be me, and this is how Varjokani became to be like it is today.
Its 100% result of me being bored and wanted to do something random. Yes, I guess many hate me because of it because in in Finland you just have to be "normal" or then everyone will hate you. Or at least you have be like everyone else. Like part of large flood, and if you arent you are idiot, and stupid. I just guess I m too stubborn headed to act like people wish me to do. It just not me at all.
Somehow I feel like if I try to act like everyone else I fail everyone, and I cant act anything else but to be stupid old me. 8-)
I think everyone have right to be what they are, but somehow it seems like I dont have that right. But I dont care. I will be me till the very end of my days.
And yes, I m being over dramatic but you just have to live with it. Just go away from this page...
Oh and I almost forgot. I m planning new project but that is kinda a secret. You can see it later...
If I ever get energy to post here when no one reads these posts anyway. :-)
-Varjokani
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Again.. being un-active everywhere else but DeviantArt.com and bed sleeping..
I m such lazyhead at the summertime.
But there is something that I like to play middle of the night when my brains are turnded off. XD dress up dolls
Yes thats me. I have been really busy lately and I feel myself really lazy at the time to time. I feel like wanting to have a nap each second I just can. :D
Hi again! I have been really busy (again). I have done 2 hours of work for my animation that is my schoolwork. Its was fun but made me tired. I drew more than 95 pictures and all I got was couple of seckonds of animation.. Its really hard work. I never tough it could be so hard work. But I´d say that it was worth of it. I will be posting my animation here after its done.
-Tanya
Yes, I got depressed at this weekend, and that is why I got to sleep 12 pm and today I woke up 6:00 am, and now I have experiment about copyright law, and now I should be smart, and clever when I barely stay awake.
.....
But luckily no one else seems to have forgotten whole thing.. SO if I die, I m not only one.
But have nice day!
[EDIT: "The teacher wants to move the day, because no one read, and that we still needs to learn something" ]
-Varjokani
Just wanted to share this beautiful song with you guys. Even you are Christian or not, you have to admit that this is beautiful.
I love their voice and how they really love to sing. I think that this is what singing and worshiping is a all about; to love to do it, and have fun. But enjoy!
-Varjokani
As many of you have seen I have an account atYoutube.com. I have planned to use it as a way to show my art, but I also want to use it for teaching things about art, and drawing. Yes, you have seen some of my art but only a small amount of it. So my question would be "What would you want to see in my account?" Send your answer here... And just to make it clear, it has to be something that I or you would dare to do before your parents so keep all bad ideas inside you okay?
Have nice day! :-)
-Varjokani
I m at a school at the moment. I have studied whole day Exel and feel really like I want to draw and hang out at DeviantArt, but I still enjoy studuying and learnig everything new about media.
I also m thinking to create new videos to Youtube;
This is just test try, and I know that I needs to fix that light.
I have been busy lately. Waking up 6:00 am is hard, and so I have spent whole day watching movies and resting.. But I think I needs to go to sleep now. I just wanted to do a quick post here. I love ya!
And go to bed 9:00 pm. Surely then I just needs to get ache on my stomach. I m just so mad at myself. I just wished to wake up early and then I could not get a sleep because of that horrible pain. I m just so out of luck. >_<' When did I have a good luck? o.O But well, I m still alive (for your bad) and I m still writing these. Yes, I needs to go school tomorrow and after all the pain I had because of my rabbit-hater teacher I m bit scared, but who would not? Lets just hope and pray that everything will turn out good and I will live happily after all till I die with my buckhare (means=boyfriend). Lets just hope that I havent gotten any school fobia.
-Varjokani
Yes, it seems like I just yesterday started my Summer and now it seems to fade away. I will soon start studying as media-assistant, so it means I can´t hang out at DeviantArt so much as I used to. I m going to miss everyone. Well luckily this is one step ahead to my dream job so I think I can take this. I just can´t wait to start studying.. but at same time I feel little nervous because I will not know anyone and they all are going to be strangers but I think I can manage that also. But I will be posting more about my studies as I know more of them. All I now know is that I needs to wake up really early (6:00) or something if I wish to be there in time at school. Lets just hope that I stay awake. I m not so keen on falling as sleep at first schoolday of mine. That would be horrible, wouldnt it be.
But wille be writing more soon!
- Yours Varjokani
(( Varjokani production on ollut ongelmissa internetyhteyden kanssa joten anteeksi viivytys))
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Voisiko joku ystävällisesti viedä nämä terveiset Askolalle? Olisin hyvin suuren kiitoksen velassa.
Itse kristittynä ja omasta mielestäni erittäin suvaitsevana henkilönä ihmettelen eräitä asioita Suomen nykyisessä kirkossa. Kristillisyys on perinteinen uskontomme, ja sitä pitäisi vaalia. Ei tietenkään niin että ketään pakotettaisiin siihen . Ateistit ja muslimit saavat vapaasti olla sitä mitä haluavat.
Jostain kumman syystä tämä ns. "vapaa lupa ajatella omilla aivoillaan" ei koskekaan meitä kaikkia. Homoseksuaaleja, ja ateisteja se kyllä koskee, mutta jostain kumman syystä ex-homoseksuaalit ja kristityt jotka uskovat Raamattuun eivät saa olla omaa mieltään? Saanko kysyä missä vika?
Otetaampas esimerkiksi Gay parade- paraati, jossa homoseksuaaliset ihmiset marssivat tasa-arvon puolesta ja osoittavat omaa mieltään. Tämä on Suomessa täysin sallittua, ja mielestäni saakin olla, mutta kas kummaa heti kun joku ilmoittaakin olevansa ex-homo niin heti ollaan syyttämässä kyseistä henkilöä toisten oman mielipiteen loukkaamisesta, ja masentamisesta ym. Mikseivät muka ex-homot saisi olla omaa mieltään? JA sitten vielä väitetään että kyseistä henkilöä haastatellut Nuotta olisi rasistinen. Kuka tässä ei anna kenen olla oma itsensä. Kukaan ei ole kieltänyt etteivätkö homoseksuaalit saisi olla omaa mieltään mutta nähtävästi tämä ei edelleenkään koske ex-homoja, vaan nämä ovat heti loukkaavia itsekeskeisiä ja hyökkääviä rasisteja jotka näkevät vain oman itsensä. Miten minusta tuntuu että tuo väite pätee enemmän johonkuhun toiseen ihmisryhmään joka näyttäisi sietävän vain oman mielipiteensä, ja muut (siis ne pskapäät ja erimieltä olevat) ovat rasisteja. (?)
Toinen asia on se että kas kummaa kun muslimit saisivat kyllä tulla kirkkoon kertomaan omaa mielipidettään mutta kristiytyt yhteisöt eivät. Miksi tämä minusta vaikuttaa siltä että että täällä tosiasiassa syrjitään uskovia kristittyjä ja nämä syyttäjät väittävät olevansa törkeän rasismin uhreja!!!
Tietenkin tuomitsen myös muslimeija ja homoseksuaalisia henkilöitä koskevan todellisen rasismin. He ovat yhtä arvokkaita kuin mekin. Kuitenkin mielestäni myöskin kristittyjen pitäisi antaa olla omaa mieltään kun kaikki muutkin saavat niin toimia.
Well let me explain it. I have been wondered for at least 3 months whats wrong with my vhs-player, and then my friend Kuippana comes here and it starts working. Then my network has been broken and when Kuippana comes in the room I get it (network) working. I needs to ask him to barrow his lucky rabbit-paw (Kuippana is half rabbit like I) for me...
But for other matter. There is freaking warm here in Finland. I was sure I had fever at this morning but it was only the warm weather. Oh! I m such an idiot. Its always too warm or too cold for me.. Never "perfect." But well.. Maybe I STAY ALIVE. *over-reacting*
I just came back home from Estonia. My father´s friend lives there and he likes to visit her.. and also he likes to take our family there for a summer. The hardest part of that trip was driving. I became easily sick on long driving distances. It took whole day to get into the Pärnu and because my parents wanted to take our doggies with them we needed to find a wet so we could have someone to give document that they took their warm medicine.
When we finally got there I was really tired. I remember just it that I walked in a cottage we rented, and then I did go straight in bed and fell a sleep.
Here is a picture taken near our cottage.. Its was quite middle of nowhere like you can see.
At the next day me, and mom shopped and swum into the ocean. The waves where huge.. Over half m if there is any trust in my counting skills. I just wish I could have place like that at our backyard. Well I know its impossible but still.
It was fun to see how nice all people where. There was one restaurant where they brought us extra table middle of the street and then they bought our dogs a lots of water freely. I also had a change to make glass-necklare there.. Or partly. The glass-part was already made but I had a change to add tin layer on it and make it ready myself. It was really cool. I gave the neclare to my mom and she was really happy about it.
In Estonia there were lots of storks. Some of them had even built their nest on a chimneytop on a roof. Too shame that I could not get a photo of them. Some of them also had nestlings, small baby storks.
Also there were a lots of grasshoppers.. Or that is what we call all of this type creatures in Finland. They were huge and they had get in their mind to have concert 24/7 in our yard.
When we were leaving home and stopped for break on one cafeterian we met one of these fellows. He or she seemed really keen on one of our dogs. It hopped all the time on our dog´s back and come to say hello. I took it back to the next table but everytime it came back to our table. It even tried to say hello to my mom.. Well.......... Ehehem... My mom does not like bugs. She is scares them. Well that little fellow got brave idea to come my moms head. It walked up from the chair to my moms back and into her neck. That was when I got a paper plate and carried poor fellow to the nearest flower bush. Luckily mom did not notice it. I managed to take photo of it:
This was the "LITTLE" fellow who come to say hello;
Yes we had a colorfull trip even I missed my baby bunny Bigwig -and from the way he was eating while I was gone he missed me also- he did not eat almost anything. When we got home he started eating again. I m too lazy to write more at this time but will be writing soon.
-Varjokani
Yes.. Its me again. I m planning to make new videos to Youtube. At the moment I have two types of ideas; Shortmovies and also videos where I comment all the things what happen around me. I still needs to practice speaking before camera. I can speak behind but that is entire different case. O_O
Its seems like ages when I last time had happy news and I think that now when I can write this blog again I will share it with you; I finally have a place where to go studying to be media-assistant. Its scary. I have just get used to be teen-ager and now I m 17 years old. Its scary because I feel time going so fast. But lets hope that someday I will be able to make my own movies and tell by picture what I feel and how I feel and what I think. Also I want to make everyone to see things that they seem to be blind.
At the moment it still is long way of studying before I m done.
Hi everyone. I finally got my wireless network working somehow.. Or maybe its just it that it works again and then its dead. I m still bit of quessing the last one.
Well. I had been hard weeks because my granny died on my Birthday morning and we just got a call from hospital. I was like "WHATATAAAA!?!?!? HOW...? " partly because last time when I saw her she was alright and I borrowed some books for her. I still find it hard to understand that she is gone.. Or maybe that she does not live there anymore. Good bye strawberry juice of hers.. and beetroot stew and apples... Her apples where huge. I remember that they were so big that I could get them stucked in my coats pocket even my pockets were huge also. .. Huh.. Its just so weird how much of stuff you are going to miss when you realize you are going to be without it. I mean we always got huge amount of strawberries for her own garden even she was 92 years old at least.. I had to eat them so much that when I saw a strawberry I almost died and I dont like them so much, but still I miss them.
Its really odd how we miss things we dont have and when we have them we think its "how it should to be" and we dont care so much of it. We love our life and we have such amount of hurry and work so we forget how much of important things we have. My mom friend loved running till she got into coma and when she woke up she could not walk again. I m pretty sure that if someone would tell her half year before she would call her or him a liar and say that it was a good joke.
I really have no time write so much at the moment but I courage you guys to think of your lifes. What do you have today? Home and house? Health? Life? And what of all about your friends? Do you care them? Yes or no. We all needs to enjoy things we have before we lose them.
Also I would put the cat on table and ask; IF YOU DIE TODAY WHERE YOU GO?
That is really important question that all of us needs to think. Where would us go? Where we want to go? Is there a heaven? Or maybe a God? If there is God what would he like about you? Would he get you in when you die?
I m not trying to preach here I m just saying think of it. We cant ever know when its our last breath here. We can be okay and then someone can drive over us in the road and we can be dead. Think of it... Maybe today befrore you go to sleep. Think of all what I said. You are alive but not forever, and when your life ends are you ready to face that all what happens after it. I´d say about myself that I m but how about you?
I finally know why my network is not working! :D
The wireless network modeem is broken! T_T It takes ages to get new one... I wish my dad just would buy it soon, before my mobile phone´s bills kill me. o.o
But I had some happy things also for you guys. I reviced my arts at home what I had done at school! I feel so safe nowww.. *Flashlight soars towards my head O_O
But hover, here is a small clip of animation that I made. I try practice using Pencil (thats program) and maybe someday I might be able to create whole movie of my own.. But uintil that enjoy;
Good day to everyone. Yes I m still a live and writing this even I wonder if anyone is never going to read it. Still its better to do something than do nothing. :-) I love you all. At the moment I feel like I dont know what would I write about, and on the second hand I have hundreds of ideas. Still maybe I write about Facebook, even I surely get everyone attacking on me. Yes, Varjokani does not have Facebook and no she is not going to get one.
The point is that almost everyone haves it, and when you chat with people in Finland at least first thing in their mind is Facebook. No, I m not complaing like its BAD thing to have account there. Its not. I just happens not have one. No. I m not jealous. I just feel like I would love to talk something else than Facebook and I m bit tired of everyone asking me to join there. I simply haves no time to run active account. At the moment I already m logged in many of places and feel really tired keeping them active. Many like ; Gaiaonline, deviantART, Youtube etc. takes lots of time to keep active, and I dont want to be unactive. I m already shamed that I dont have time to run my Sumo paint account so well. I m still alive there aswell but not so active.
Yes. I dont want an other burn out. But I just want to ask you guys a guestion. When I have this blog what kind of stuff you would want to hear here? About my irl? About my drawings?
I love you all. :-)
-Varjokani Ps.
Here is the movie I was making with couple of friend and their friends .. :-)
It tells tale of girl who s friend died and she feels guilty and sad. Then her friend tells that its okay and there is no need to be sad anymore because she is in heaven. :-)
(Pps. I have no connection on the headmaker of film so if you have something to say to them do it somewhere elsewhere because I got there only by friends. )
Yep. Its me again. Today everyone of my friends got their papers from school but me. Wohoo.. T_T I was too scared for them to yell at me so I did not go. I just stayed at home and tried to sleep and read one book. Only good thing happened today was that my mom bought me new USB-cable for my mobile phone so I got network working at last. That is no big help when I just wanna cry my heart out. You propobly know why. Everyone else is today happy but me.. One of my friends called me and slipped that he and everyone else of his friends haves a party and some of them are going to stay there for over the midnight. He said that he was not one of them.. It still hurt!! Oh how I wish I could just have been there and hug all of my friends, and tell them that I m happy for them.
I just would have loved to do it but I just could not do it. It made me really sad.. And my friend was also sad because he tough that I was not happy for him.. Double sorrow for me. I just cried to him and tell him to stay there over midnight and have fun when HE HAD THE CHANGE! He was sad for that and said that he felt bad for leaving me alone because I was not jumping of joy.. I should have really happy also! But how could I?
I had been home whole day alone crying and everyone else were happy. How could I jump here of joy... When it turned out that my granny had new attack... Or he had water coming out of her body from her legs. I just heard about it but now I feel like " WOOOW!! YAAY I M SOO HAPPY LOL.". I hope that you can reconize sarcasm when you see it. I just wanna cry my heart out. I feel so sad. Everyone else is happy... And I just I could be with them and share it. I m not jealous. I just wish I could be with them, but I were too scared for teachers yelling me. I feel so cowardly acting shit!
I just wish that everything would be okay soon.. Because I really cant take this sadness forever.
But by the way. My mom told me that they maybe send me my papers from this year by post but I have the feeling that the paper says: "Shitty idiot racist fucking idiot with out no brain etc." I never hated anyone there. I just was "disagree" with school. I did not believe everything they said with out thinking it first.. They wanted carrots with out brains. I ever have some of my friends saying that they wanted to make me "Perfect human". Only Nazi people did that... And this is Finland!!!!!!! Come on school! O.o
But how ever this is I m still sad here and alone... I love you all. <3 Lets just pray that everything could be soon better.
This would describle this coming week really well. I should have trip with my glass but because of my teacher traumatized me with yelling me for my depression and all tricks what they did to me to make me sad. When I said I felt bad they just lauched and made me want to jump into the river from really high.. Lukcily my buckhare (boyfriend) was there to stop me for doing it.
Also tomorrow would be spirng feast of my school and everyone should graduate and or move on.. Everyone else but me. I havent been at school for 2-3 weeks now because I just have felt myself so tired and lost. I also haves troubles at home because my dad does not like me at all and when I m sad and cant take any critique or yelling I m really mad really quick at him. Also it takes effect that my granny is really ill and dad tries to take care of her and he does not see that I m dying.
But yes. All my friends are going to have get papers for that they did study this year but not me because I just cant find any power to go into school. I just feel so weak... and lost and empty. I tried to learn trust people again and then they stabbed me on my back and hurted me a lot. And when I told that it hurted they laughed and they call themself "Student caring teachers who enjoy their work". As well I could say that I have engagement with a hare and have 10 0000 of childrens with it!
Also my boyfriend is graduating and he will become media assistant. I have that horrible feeling that I m not going to get my paper from school just because they dont like me. I still dont get why!? They have spread some shitty lies about me and they always have 100 of reason why to act the way they do. First I was un-social, then I was depressed, then I had too bad panic disorder (I started to getting those because my teacher hurted me.) While my second of panic disorder I told my teacher that I needs to go home. He said no. Then I said that I´d like to go anywhere.. Even into the mountains. Then he just smiled and laughed. He was like "LOL!!" And I was suffering about bad pain inside me.. Then the reason was that they wanna leave me more time at home for my hobbies. Then I was racist.. Me? If someone knows about being hurted from different hobby etc. its me. I did ask my friends if they had noticed me hurting someone and none of them did! Of curse if I have hurted someone I m terribly sorry but I and couple of my friends have a feeling that those were one of those lies of their.
I just feel torn and half dead. I wanna be happy for my friends and go there hug them but something inside me says that I cant. I m alfraid that they might yell me more about "What is this show!?? WHy are you depressed?!?!?! Why cant you be happy!?!? WHY YOU DONT TRUST US? Why?!" -__-''' I DID trust them but then they started to tease me and laugh when I got hurted by them and mentioned about it. I just cant! But still there is the an other half of mine who wants to be happy for my friends even teachers are entire different towards them. One of them said at school that he aint gonna graduate if they tease me like this. They spoke him a lot about how important it will become in future. Also when he fell ill not far ago there where lots of messages saying: "Oh.. Poor ya. It so sad that you are ill. I hope you will be okay soon so you can be graduated. You are important one!"
SO.. Everyone else seems to be okay and important but I m racist and fool jerk? ... That is so nice. -_-' One of my dA friend guessed if they did not like that I was not so easy to be brainwashed into commununism what they seemed to supporting there.. EEh.. Even communism would be nicer! And because they "failed at brainwashing" into "Perfect human who is agree with everything!" *Even the favorite colours* they want now just make me to kill myself. If someone would told me when I started studying I would have lauhged and be like "NO wayy! XDD" but now that SEEMS only one version wic have any clue....
But how ever it is I m going to cry soon a lot.. I just wait with horror when my friends call me and tell me how happy they are. T_T -Varjokani.
ps. To all irl friends of me. I love you a lot and I wish I could be with you guys but I m just so weak at the moment! Lots of hugs to you and congraz for got loved by teachers! :-) *I did not*
Hiya!! I just got my network to work for sec so I m sending this out now!
My network is dead again, my bunny´s carrots have been spoiled and poor kid rabbit of mine could not tell it to me. Luckily I found it out now. Then I lost my phone´s USB- cable so I cant use my phone as a modem. T_T It just wanished in the air! And of course I cant go school because teachers have yelled me so much! T_T Also my school haves glass trip and I m die for to go but as depressed kid like me I cant because I m alfraid of more yelling that I cant bare because that I cant bare it.
I m just wondering why is my life so hard.
-Tanya
It seems that finally our network has started to work! *YAY!* .. Even it still lags. :/
I have used this day really well.. I slept again over half of it. Then I edited my nevest speed painting witch is here:
I also melted bit of chocolate to make a chocolate bunny as a gift for a friend.. Too bad that first I had not enough of chocolate to do it and I melted it bit of more I failed when I started to shape it too early.. Then I found out that my chocolate was full of my mom´s dogs fur. EPIC FAIL! Then I tried to pick them up but there was always one or two peace of hair of more. Then finally I gave up and throw it a way. Luckily my mom promised to buy me some marzipan. I hope that she remembers it because one of my friends is ill and I wants to make some surprise for ill friend to make my friend happy.
And my next score for today is to take some shampoo and fool with it before camera and put a new video into youtube!
But see ya! :
-Varjokani
(See the trailer of "Left behind" movie. I just bought the book and it seems so cool! )
I waked today "early".. That means before 11 am, then me and my mom took all our withe clothes to be washed into laundry. Thats because our own well is full of iron that makes everything withe brown and makes it looks like someone would throw over on them. We also visited at the flee market and I bought a new book called "Left Behind". Also I bought Bambi 2 on DVD. But Left behind seems awesome.. I m at the page 61, even I only read it our way back home from laudry. *I m faast XD*
Then when we got home we noticed that granny was not doing so well.. She don´t eat, she don´t drink.. I m worried about her even I m so full of sleeples nights for tressing because of her. Its kida feels good if she stays alive but the way my dad takes her illness is no good. He panics and yells to mom and me like mad lunatic.
At the other hand we also visited at cemetery and found out that our church is acting like jerk! Don´t get me wrong here. I m Christian, but there are some things that I belive are wrong and so on.. And even thinking of digging into my dead born step sister´s grave and re- burying some random human there annoys me! She would be 23 now, so its not even so far from the time she was buried there. It kinda hurts me of even thinking of it.
Council wants us to pay over 200 euros so we could let her rest in peace for 20 years, so they could just re-ask us money.
WHATTAA HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS!!! ARE YOU TURNING INTO "GRAVE ROBBERS OR WHAAAT, WUT WUT???????!!!!??!?! O________________________O
Yes, mom was really shocked about it. They sent us a note where they told us that we had till autum time to pay and then now when EVEN summer has not started there is a note at her grave that they want us to decide NOW!..
If this keeps going on I surely will change church.. I don´t wanna a part of grave robbing money-eating fake-christians who don´t even believe God. -_- I have nothing against atheist but church acing like jerks and making my mom´s depression worse I have! I just want to cry aloud to some people there "WHAAAAT ARREE YAAA DOOOOING´?????!"
..
But well.. Its getting late so I will be writing more soon. I love you all. See ya! :-)
-Varjokani
Like I a bit guessed yesterday I could not resist to upload new video on Youtube with my mobile phone.. So here it is. I just wanted to try "copy" anatomy to make it look more anthro.. And I think I will be doing more of those..
And now if you don´t want to hear me telling about my life and the sad sides of it run! Run to the hills of the black rabbit of Inlé!
~~~~~~~~
But now about my irl life. Like almost every good friend of mine in Internet and in real life know I do have depression, and I m usually sad. Now I could not make myself move into school because my teachers yelled at me for being sad. And after all this mess they have made in my real life. Just now I can´t tell you more but I tell you that they are worse than any kind of communist in China, and meaner than demons.. For some reason they hate me. My own teacher even cried my mom that at the time of drawing lesson I drew a bunny! Even the subject was free he was mad at me for drawing a bunny. All I have learn that he hates rabbits, but I think that because he is teacher he should not bring his own hating and trauma into the work, but stand one small Varjokani drawing a rabbit when she haves a change to do it..
But yes, that is why I have been really bothered nowdays.. I m trying to be friends with everyone and also I have tried to act polite and honest towards them. My bad that you can´t say same from my schools lead. They did all kinds of mean tricks towards me just to make sure that I don´t have training job place, or no place to keep studying at next year but just re-study their school.. Even I have been kinda of spread year just to relax, and I m a good student so they should not have any reason to not let me go.. Only that they don´t like me.
I just wish I knew what is wrong with them. Well. I think that I just needs to keep going and trying if I ever want to get a good job that I want to do.. And I want to draw and edit.
So lets just hope that everything will be better soon.
The truth is I love that school.. There are nice students and my classmates are awesome and each of them have their special abilities. One of them knows how to mix colors to get what color you ever want. That has become handy when she paints. That is so awesome to watch she doing it. An other of them is genious with 10 000 of good ideas what to do. Somehow I just love tho listen his ideas. An other of them just makes everyone to listen when she wants.. And then many others. Most of the teachers have seemed aweome people as well but for my shame there have been some who really hate me, and wants to something bad to me.
I m sure that most of people maybe could think I m just imaging but I have been betrayed and hurt often. And somehow I just can smell if someone lies or wants to hurt me behind of my back. And they "smell" for both. Then one thing is how they talk "Oh you small child are so jerk that you don´t understand anything for this BIG world´s things.. Blaah.. blaah.. blaah". Like we all where insane in my class!
I just don´t know what to do.. And there would be coming nice trip in couple of weeks with ship.. And every nice people are coming. I would love to go, but the matter is that I can´t trust them. I feel like standing on rocky ground with my other paw other side of gorge and other at the other side and don´t know wich way to run.
YES! I know that its the most stupid way to act to just cry here in my blog but I just feel so lost.. Even I m happy in some moments then again I m just so sad and want to die. It does not make the situation any easier that my granny is ill and my dad yells at me and scares me like mad lunatic just because he is scared himself.
But lets all pray and hope for better day coming soon because I just feels like if this keeps going I don´t know what do.
For being honest I had strange pain in my chest and mouth yesterday.. and for short moments I feel like the pain would be coming back. I just hope its not heart attack.. But I m scaring always for too easily for things like that, but still that worries me also..
But like I said praying for God is only thing we all can do.. Or at least I feel that there is no other way.
-Varjokani
Hiya again!
Yep. I changed this blog´s language to English. Before this all menus where in Finnish. Stupid me did not notice that before..
But what was I going to say? Yes, I haven´t been here or anywhere else so much lately because our network connection, that cheating rabbit´s poop is not working... and I think its dead.
We, me and my family live in countryside "behind the wolf´s side of the forest" and here everything seems to be broken.. Okay that is over reacted but nothing seems not to work. I have lived here so long, so I should have learned to live as "Tough Finnish jerk" but I m not Finnish, I m Varjokani so never going to happen. However our network, that thing I now hate so much is not working.. In fact it never work so good, but at the moment its totally dead. It works for 3 minutes and then it just shuts down, and is broken. The main reason for that is that w e live here and there is big forest between us and nearest town.. and the town in fact is so far.
Normally our network just lags down and snaps offline for 10 minutes and then works for 5 minutes and then again lags, but now its dead. No one in here has no "good internet connection".
YES we have called for the company who arranges our network. They just are like "Okay... We will see for that soon." That means "Nothing is happening for sure you jerks! You just pay us for this and we get lots of moneey!"
They EVEN sent us a letter saying ".. That because of problems in our network in countryside we are rising your network so it works better! You still pay for the original network so this is free!"
...
Yep.. Working ..? After that letter OUR network has lagged even more and now it has been almost a week not working. I tried to ask my mom and dad if I could have some way to get myself into internet buy some other way, but dad is just thinking "No Varjokani! We are not going to pay for shit that does not work." Okay.. He was testing some kind of "stick" in his computer ( I don´t know that word in English T_T) But it did not worked.. He had virus and 10 00000 of too much stuff in his computer so it did not worked anyway. But I still would like to EVEN try it in my computer.. And about "shit that does not work." *Points the wireless network connection box and shows her rabbit´s theets* That we are using right now is not working..
Yes. I m online at the moment when I m writing this text but I m going to pay for it a lot because I m using my mobile phone as modem. And dad told me that all "network stuff" bills are payed by my own savings so I can´t do that forever if I wish to have any money when I m moving into my own house someday. Just to mention.. Money does not mean so much to me but even stupid rabbit like I know that if you have no money to buy food your fridge is soon empty for carrots and food. That is no´t good deal.
That is why I m hoping network to work but at the moment so is not in Finland. And that is not only thing what is not working here; After Finland´s television turned into digital it takes only small breeze of wind to tv to say "no connection".
I still can remember when I was 5 and watched tv with my mom. It was thundering and I could hear windows to screek just because flash lighting just hit near. Still tv was working okay. And if I remember right our lights got off because flash hit the powerline somewhere.. Then also tv turned off. But we just turned it on and kept watching.. But no nowdays. Now even small wind is losing signal of digital senter from where ever they are sending those from.
Same goes with internet connection.
At this end I want to say that I m really sorry that you had to read this but I just want to tell everyone how "honest and reliable is Finland in real". Council and goverment speak a lot... but no acts. For us who lives far from everything.
But lets just hope that everything will turn into good someday.. Even I half know that it does not and I know that it may take long to me to do anything if I just then don´t get into my head to upload something with my phone and suffer it later and I m sorry for you all to have to wait for my next video.
-Varjokani
Helloou!
Yep. It is me again. "Miss lazynes bunny froom Finland". I have been weekend with my buck hare here.. and its soo nice to have some time with him. :-)
Just so sad he lives so far a way from my home and I needs to go back home soon.
But hey! That is how life goes by. It full of stuff thad we don´t wanna do. We usually more likely hate to do it. Like cleaning the house.. For me that is cleaning my room and trhowing all bad "banned" sketches into trash from my floor. Yes, even it does look like I put everything I make into dA, I still throw a lots of stuff away if I dont then lost them into my room, and then after 2 years I m like; "Okaay.. What I do here. Oh! I do remember.. I was going to do this and that, but then I just forgot it" -_-'
Usually it just is that we have things of 3 sort. The things we don´t do, things we do even we don´t like it, and the things we have to do to survive.. And I almost forgot the fourth one; Things we do for fun, but lets just skip it. We have lots of stuff we don´t like to do, but we still do. Like cleaning, homeworks, studying... etc.
But what if we REALLY newer cleaned or studied. Just would lie down for generation, and eat chips? For first thing to happen would be that chips and threat would end if no one would not run those faxtories. Then all kind of infections would spread.. And you could find out to not live alone, but have small flee and his 10 0000 of kids living with you. All kind of thics and flies and ants love messynes so they would enjoy your company a lot. If no one did anything it would happen and soon we all would die for no food, and for bad health, because no humans or us brown hares are not meant to live in messyness. So yeees.. Even I hate to admit it that all "annoying" and boring stuff we have to do take a nerve and make me to hate them, they are still important. If we all would just sit here, ( Speak to the hare, I m sitting here right now. XD ) we would surely die.
So lets all be working hard, and trying our best to keep us alive, okay? I just hope you read this and think of all the things I said. yes, you might think that this is all a shit, but if you even think if I m really happy that you listened. *hug* And remember that I always love everyone as a friend. Keep good care of yourself.. If no other´s shake, do it for me because you are also important. There is no other who is JUST like you. There is only you like there is only one Varjokani and only one buck hare of mine.
See ya!
-Varjokani
If I would have a change to meet Obama now I would love to yell to him ”Whut are you thinking of????????? WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?” o______O
Okay for personal point of view I believe that everyone should be premission to live and be free for war and fear. Yes Palestine and Gaza need that too of course.. BUT SO DOES ALSO ISRAEL!
I just mean that I think its riskful to cut out parts from Israel. Its like you would invite someone to attack there and kill them all.
Yes I think everyone should be able to fit in this planet, but not by cutting Israel a parts so everyone, even small kid can attack there. No! That is not what Varjokani wants.
Yeep. I have said all I felt needed. I just felt like if I dont say this aloud my head will heat over. But lets all pray that there would be safe and peaceful for everyone. But remember, there can be peace only if everyone on both sides REALLY want it. If we want to kill eachother there will be nothing good coming. Even I live in Finland, even I can see that. But lets just pray.
-Varjokani
Ps, no i m not taking anyones sides here. I just see that there is a bad risk for more war, and I dont like war. I hate war and fighting! Yes.. I dont care a hell what is the reason to some folk fight but I want it to stop now! And I feel like Osama ask the war to come! I think Osama puts me into shame with his doings. I want all kind of ”bad Israel stop teasing others”-stuff to end! There has been bad things to happening on both sides. Why? Becausw we are human beings, we are not Gods. Only perfect one here is God!
