Vihdoinkin tää alkaa näyttää jo verkkosivusto-foorumilta. Nyt pitäisi vielä kehitellä tänne jotain kivoja pelejä. :)
Onko teillä mitään ideaa että millaisella lähdettäisiin liikkeelle?
http://shadowfield.my-rpg.com/
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Puhdas alku - Kimba - meh - Oisinpa joku tuntematon ni saisin riehua ja pelleillä ilman et tulee sellanen syyllinen olo
Siis puhdas alku jonain jota kukaan ei tunne. Sitten ehkä joku
uskaltaisi puhuakin mulle. Tai kun tuntuu että nykyään edelleen jotkut
on sillei "iih. Kimba ei sille uskalla puhuu."
Mut sitte kun mulla on eroava kirjoitustyyli ja omalaatuinen piirrustustyylii niin mut tunnistetaan heti. Gosussa kokeilin aloittaa uudella mallilla ja yhden sanan kirjoitin foorumille ja paljastuin. Jotenki vaan ajattelin tulla sydäntä tänne keventämään siitä miten tahtoisin olla kuten kaikki muutkin. Ja joo tiedän etten ole mitenkään erityinen mut olis kivaa olla tuntematon ja sellanen jota kohtaan ei ole ennakko-olettamuksia.
Tai ainakin itsellä on sellanen olo jäänyt gosuajosta että jos tein yhtään mitään niin aina joku järkyttymässä. Pahimmassa vaiheessa en saanut vaihtaa mallini ulkoasua ollenkaan. XD
Ja sitten kun sanoin mielipiteeni jostain kaikki oli sillei "Miten se nyt noin voi sanoohh?!" Kaipaan jotenki sitä aikaa kun kukaan ei tienny musta mitään.
Mut tiedän sen että sitä ei taida saada takasin.
Ku tekis mieli vaan riehua ja olla pöljä mut tulee sellanen olo et ei pysty koska kaikki olettaa multa jotain käytöstapoja.
Jotenki kauheen vastuullinen olo. Tai siis tuntuu et kaikki vihaa mua jo valmiiks. XD
Ois kiva olla vaan ei kukaan.
Mut sitte kun mulla on eroava kirjoitustyyli ja omalaatuinen piirrustustyylii niin mut tunnistetaan heti. Gosussa kokeilin aloittaa uudella mallilla ja yhden sanan kirjoitin foorumille ja paljastuin. Jotenki vaan ajattelin tulla sydäntä tänne keventämään siitä miten tahtoisin olla kuten kaikki muutkin. Ja joo tiedän etten ole mitenkään erityinen mut olis kivaa olla tuntematon ja sellanen jota kohtaan ei ole ennakko-olettamuksia.
Tai ainakin itsellä on sellanen olo jäänyt gosuajosta että jos tein yhtään mitään niin aina joku järkyttymässä. Pahimmassa vaiheessa en saanut vaihtaa mallini ulkoasua ollenkaan. XD
Ja sitten kun sanoin mielipiteeni jostain kaikki oli sillei "Miten se nyt noin voi sanoohh?!" Kaipaan jotenki sitä aikaa kun kukaan ei tienny musta mitään.
Mut tiedän sen että sitä ei taida saada takasin. Ku tekis mieli vaan riehua ja olla pöljä mut tulee sellanen olo et ei pysty koska kaikki olettaa multa jotain käytöstapoja.
Jotenki kauheen vastuullinen olo. Tai siis tuntuu et kaikki vihaa mua jo valmiiks. XDOis kiva olla vaan ei kukaan.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Saturday, August 22, 2015
Shadowfields on nyt auki!
Hei siellä. Tiedän että moni on odottanut tätä jo pitkään, ja vihdoin sain repäistyä netistä toimivan oloisen foorumikoneen jolla pystyn aloittamaan projektin siinä määrin että sinne voi oikeasti jo tehdäkin jotain omaa sotkua, ja se pysyy pystyssä.
tai siis aikaisempien ilmaisserverien ongelmana ollut se että nämä ovat kaatuneet heti kun tietty määrä badwithiä (käyttäjät avanneet sivua ja käyttäneet sen muistia) on käytetty.
Mutta tämän pitäisi toimia. Ja uusia toimintoja on luvassa. ;-)
http://shadowfield.my-rpg.com/forum
tai siis aikaisempien ilmaisserverien ongelmana ollut se että nämä ovat kaatuneet heti kun tietty määrä badwithiä (käyttäjät avanneet sivua ja käyttäneet sen muistia) on käytetty.
Mutta tämän pitäisi toimia. Ja uusia toimintoja on luvassa. ;-)
http://shadowfield.my-rpg.com/forum
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Hyvä hyvä suomen valtio! Mihin ne rahat katoo? // Eikö voisi korjata kouluja? Valtio hei!
Luin tossa eilen lehdestä että ISIS-terroristijärjestön riveissä hengailevat suomalaiset saavat KELAN tuen mikäli ilmaantuvat Suomeen puolen ennen ulkomaillaoleskeluajan umpeutumista. Tuli mieleen että eikö valtio voisi käyttää rahansa vähän järkevämmin.
Ohessa ystäväni kertomus hänen koulurakennuksensa kunnosta, ja siitä miten se vaikuttaa hänen opiskeluunsa. Pistää oikeesti hiljaiseksi ja vihaiseksi kun tajuaa että rahat menee ihan jonnekin muualle kuin siihen missä sitä tarvitaan ja missä siitä olisi jotain hyötyä:
Nyt annan puheenvuoron Hetalle
--
/
Toivon että edes joku lukisi tämän ja saisin tällätavoin huomion käännettyä siihen mihin Suomen valtio oikein pistää rahansa!
Ohessa ystäväni kertomus hänen koulurakennuksensa kunnosta, ja siitä miten se vaikuttaa hänen opiskeluunsa. Pistää oikeesti hiljaiseksi ja vihaiseksi kun tajuaa että rahat menee ihan jonnekin muualle kuin siihen missä sitä tarvitaan ja missä siitä olisi jotain hyötyä:
Nyt annan puheenvuoron Hetalle
Heta Peperonia Kontinen:
Pieniä ajatuksia koulun alusta kehiin:
Koulu alkaa huomenna. Yleensä oon ollut se tyyppi, joka alkaa odottaa kouluun paluuta jossain heinäkuun puolessa välissä. Tänä vuonna, ensimmäistä kertaa elämässäni koen kouluun paluun ahdistava ja vaikeana, jopa pelottavana.
Syy on hämmästyttävän yksinkertainen: koulun sivurakennuksen homeongelma. Ei varmaan kukaan muukaan nauttisi kouluun menosta jos tietäisi että seurauksena luulet kuolevasi väsymykseen, migreenin omaiseen pääkipuun, lihaskramppeihin ja hengitysvaikeuksiin joka kerta kun astut sisälle koulurakennukseen. (ja nyt ei puhuta "valvoin yön yli" väsymyksestä. Nyt puhutaan niin totaalisesta voimattomuudesta ettet kykene kävelemään suoraan jos kykenet kävelemään ollenkaan, silmät eivät jaksa kohdistaa, olet liian voimaton nostaaksesi kynää pöydältä etkä kykene reagoimaan yhtään mihinkään. Nyt puhutaan kirjaimellisesta kuoleman väsymyksestä)
Koulun sivurakennus on tosiaan homeessa, ainakin kolme kerrosta neljästä on. Tiedän sen tasan tarkkaan, ja koulun muutkin homeyliherkät tietävät sen tasan tarkkaan, mutta koulua ei kiinnosta pätkän vertaa. Rehtorin ainoa vastaus oli ”Sitten sinun täytyy valita kursseja joita ei järjestetä siellä.” Ongelmana tässä on se, että homeluokissa järjestetään kursseja, jotka minun on käytävä suorittaakseni lukion. Lisäksi, en hakenut Kallion lukioon sitä varten että ainoa ilmaisuaine johon voisin osallistua (joka siis järjestetäään pääkoululla) olisi tanssi (joka on minulle hyvin lähellä kidutusta ja sitä ei edes tarjota tarvittavaa kahtatoista kurssia) Eikä muutenkaan voi olla minkään lain mukaista että joutuisin jättämään lukujärjestyksestäni aineita pois vain sen takia että koulua ei kiinnosta tarpeeksi edes tutkia asiaa, saatikka sitten tehdä sille mitään. Tietääkseni lainkin mukaan minulla on oikeus turvalliseen ja tasavertaiseen oppimisympäristöön, enkä tiedä miten tämä täyttää kummankaan edellytyksiä.
Mietin koko kesän mistä tämä kiinnostuksen puute johtuu. Kuvittelisin yhden syyn olevan termi ”homeallergia”. Se otetaan helposti vain muutaman ihmisen ongelmana, mutta totuus ei ole ihan näin. Home yliherkkyys on hyvinkin eri asia kuin vaikka maitoallergia. Jos olen maidolle allerginen, kaikki muut voivat yhä juoda sitä huoletta. Homeen kanssa asia ei ole näin. Sen saastuttama ilma on myrkyllistä, oli hengittäjä yliherkkä tai ei. Yliherkät ihmiset vain reagoivat nopeammin ja herkemmin. Jotkut sairastuvat selittämättömään syöpään kymmenen vuoden päästä, alkavat kärsiä keskushermoston ongelmista tai saavat astman.
Tässä välissä haluaisin siis ilmaista sen suunnattoman ahdistuksen ja vitutuksen tunteen kun minun ja kaikkien muidenkin koululaiseni ja aika monen muunkin koululaisen ympäri Suomea pitää palata tällä viikolla kouluun, huolimatta siitä että ilma jota siellä hengitämme tuhoaa terveyttä pala palalta.
Ei muuten ole kiva fiilis.
Edit: keksin täs hampaita pestessä hienon vertauskuvan. Tää on vähän sama ku jos kouluruokaan lisättäis ain pieniä määriä myrkkyä ja sit jos satut reagoimaan vahvemmin/aikasemmin ku muut nii sit sanotaan et eipähän tartte syödä täällä, eti ruokas muualta."
--
/
Toivon että edes joku lukisi tämän ja saisin tällätavoin huomion käännettyä siihen mihin Suomen valtio oikein pistää rahansa!
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Nasus is a damn big shrew.. O_O
Hi guys. Whats up? Yes, I have been unactive online.. or kinda.
I have been playing League of Legends lately. Feel free to join me.. cause I really think playing with friends is fun. Okay, at least if you play with friends there is no hate if you loose game and its your fauld. :P
Plz join LOL here to see how funny it is with friends. :)
I have been planning to stream LOL while I play it but with long days at work and parents arriving home early its small time I can have it with no one else on house. Please comment if you think I should stream it or not?
I have been playing League of Legends lately. Feel free to join me.. cause I really think playing with friends is fun. Okay, at least if you play with friends there is no hate if you loose game and its your fauld. :P
Plz join LOL here to see how funny it is with friends. :)
I have been planning to stream LOL while I play it but with long days at work and parents arriving home early its small time I can have it with no one else on house. Please comment if you think I should stream it or not?
Friday, July 24, 2015
Good morning
Ya. It seems its friday again.. And I notice that I find Myself wondering How it is possible. I mean it just Was a monday. Where does time dissappear into?
Thursday, July 23, 2015
What the heck does artblock even mean?
Ya. I have been talking with Candyskitten aka. Karkkikissa lately.. It seems I'm suffering from art block. Yes, Karkkikissa at least told me that syntoms and dissorers fit to my description about how I feel.
And it is damn scary..
It seems I have two options. Either force myself to draw, or wait to inspiration just to drop from the sky.
--
Maybe this also is following for fact that lately when I have inspiration I don't have paper or pencil with me. Nor I have time or change to draw because of work.
Ya. I m little bit insecure about what should I do next..? But maybe Ill think of something. Something smart I hope.
Also note you can now actually send me messages and talk me on FB viaVarjokani Official .
See ya around because its time to me to start working again!
And it is damn scary..
It seems I have two options. Either force myself to draw, or wait to inspiration just to drop from the sky.
--
Maybe this also is following for fact that lately when I have inspiration I don't have paper or pencil with me. Nor I have time or change to draw because of work.
Ya. I m little bit insecure about what should I do next..? But maybe Ill think of something. Something smart I hope.
Also note you can now actually send me messages and talk me on FB viaVarjokani Official .
See ya around because its time to me to start working again!
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
And it just keeps raining and raining
Eh. When does this rain stop..? Ya. I was just talking with my online furry friend from spain who told me that there are no rain in there. Also he told me that normally they get lots of rain.
..
While we in Finland seem to drown from cold and wet stuff called water. Yes, I say that because my shoes went wet at this morning and I felt like I died.And even I'm in warm office. I feel like I'm dying.. My feet still are cold.
.
And the conclusion I'm making here is that in fact it seems we got their bad weather now. And I don't like it one bit.
Just hoping the rain to go away and leave me alone for a week.
..
While we in Finland seem to drown from cold and wet stuff called water. Yes, I say that because my shoes went wet at this morning and I felt like I died.And even I'm in warm office. I feel like I'm dying.. My feet still are cold.
.
And the conclusion I'm making here is that in fact it seems we got their bad weather now. And I don't like it one bit.
Just hoping the rain to go away and leave me alone for a week.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
New channels to communicate
Ya. I found out I could actually create "artist page" of myself on Facebook. I'm so happy. Yay. Feeling like little child atm. Okay, I'm little kid. At heart at least. But since I hang out in FB these days I tough maybe I should be able to talk to you guys also. :P
So here I'm.
https://www.facebook.com/VarjokaniOfficial?ref=hl
:-D
So here I'm.
https://www.facebook.com/VarjokaniOfficial?ref=hl
:-D
Friday, July 10, 2015
Music coming from inside my hands:
Beautiful song I wanna share and translate for English speaking people. This song just make me cry. And feel so calm.
My creator gave me two hands.
The Lord wishpered:" Use them to love."
Ill take my hands in to use, just wait and see.
I'm not gonna keep the power hidden.
But I did not learn to love, I left my hands inside my pockets.
They withered silently in their hideout.
The years and days passed.
I did not learn to use my hands. My hands were clumsy and hard and cold.
I went to show my hands to the Creator: "Look what are my hands"
What ever ever I want to touch, it just breaks into pieces under my hands.
My hands are scattering death, and method of loving is breaking everything.
So it is best if I just keep my hands in my pocket. I hid and cover them with care,
so they don't be able to destroy no more. I throw soil over them.
I saw tears in the eyes of my creator, no any hint of blame (or making quilty):
"Give your dirty hands to me. I wanna tend and wash them."
I don't cannot understand / Dont know what happened at that moment. The winds
started to blow. They wiped away the dirt and bitterness. Then there started coming
music from my hands / my hands started to play.
They played uknown/ weird melody. Really quietly at first. I could not silence it
as it took more room wildy. And it spreaded with dauntless power into
so familiar hands of mine that brusted with melody.
The light flowed into tips of my fingers. God, you gave me my hands. My whole soul
is thanking You. My hands are mere a channel.
What ever you wish, do it. Its enough.
Original:
Minä Luojalta kaksi kättä sain.
Luoja kuiskasi;" Rakasta niillä."
Otan kädet käyttöön, odota vain.
En voiman suo salassa piillä.
Mutta en oppinut rakastamaan,
minun käteni taskuihin jäivät.
Ne kuihtuivat hiljaa piilossaan.
Ohi kulkivat vuodet ja päivät.
En oppinut käsiä käyttämään
ne olivat köpelöt, kovat.
Niitä Luojalle lähdin näyttämään:
" Katso, millaiset käteni ovat."
Mitä tahansa tahdon koskettaa,
se musertuu kätteni alla.
Minun käteni kylvää kuolemaa,
ja rakastaa rikkomalla.
On siis paras, kun käteni taskuun jää.
Kädet huolella kätken ja peitän,
niin ne eivät tuhoa enempää.
Niiden päälle nyt multaa heitän.
Näin Luojani silmissä kyyneleet,
en jälkekään syytöksestä:
" Anna minulle kädet likaiset.
Minä tahdon ne hoitaa ja pestä."
Mitä tapahtui silloin, tiedä en.
Tuulet alkoivat huminoida.
Ne pyyhkivät lian ja katkerudeuden.
Minun käteni alkoivat soida.
Ja ne soittivat outoa sävelmää
ensin arasti aivan ja salaa.
Sitä säveltä voinut en hiljentää,
kun se villinä valtasi alaa.
Ja se levisi hurjalla voimalla
minun tuttuihin käsiini näihin,
jotka ilosta uhkoivat soimalla.
Valo virtasi sormen päihin.
Jumala, Sinulta käteni sain.
Koko sieluni Sinua Kiittää.
Minun käteni ovat kanava vain.
Mitä tahdot, se tee, se riittää.
My creator gave me two hands.
The Lord wishpered:" Use them to love."
Ill take my hands in to use, just wait and see.
I'm not gonna keep the power hidden.
But I did not learn to love, I left my hands inside my pockets.
They withered silently in their hideout.
The years and days passed.
I did not learn to use my hands. My hands were clumsy and hard and cold.
I went to show my hands to the Creator: "Look what are my hands"
What ever ever I want to touch, it just breaks into pieces under my hands.
My hands are scattering death, and method of loving is breaking everything.
So it is best if I just keep my hands in my pocket. I hid and cover them with care,
so they don't be able to destroy no more. I throw soil over them.
I saw tears in the eyes of my creator, no any hint of blame (or making quilty):
"Give your dirty hands to me. I wanna tend and wash them."
I don't cannot understand / Dont know what happened at that moment. The winds
started to blow. They wiped away the dirt and bitterness. Then there started coming
music from my hands / my hands started to play.
They played uknown/ weird melody. Really quietly at first. I could not silence it
as it took more room wildy. And it spreaded with dauntless power into
so familiar hands of mine that brusted with melody.
The light flowed into tips of my fingers. God, you gave me my hands. My whole soul
is thanking You. My hands are mere a channel.
What ever you wish, do it. Its enough.
Original:
Minä Luojalta kaksi kättä sain.
Luoja kuiskasi;" Rakasta niillä."
Otan kädet käyttöön, odota vain.
En voiman suo salassa piillä.
Mutta en oppinut rakastamaan,
minun käteni taskuihin jäivät.
Ne kuihtuivat hiljaa piilossaan.
Ohi kulkivat vuodet ja päivät.
En oppinut käsiä käyttämään
ne olivat köpelöt, kovat.
Niitä Luojalle lähdin näyttämään:
" Katso, millaiset käteni ovat."
Mitä tahansa tahdon koskettaa,
se musertuu kätteni alla.
Minun käteni kylvää kuolemaa,
ja rakastaa rikkomalla.
On siis paras, kun käteni taskuun jää.
Kädet huolella kätken ja peitän,
niin ne eivät tuhoa enempää.
Niiden päälle nyt multaa heitän.
Näin Luojani silmissä kyyneleet,
en jälkekään syytöksestä:
" Anna minulle kädet likaiset.
Minä tahdon ne hoitaa ja pestä."
Mitä tapahtui silloin, tiedä en.
Tuulet alkoivat huminoida.
Ne pyyhkivät lian ja katkerudeuden.
Minun käteni alkoivat soida.
Ja ne soittivat outoa sävelmää
ensin arasti aivan ja salaa.
Sitä säveltä voinut en hiljentää,
kun se villinä valtasi alaa.
Ja se levisi hurjalla voimalla
minun tuttuihin käsiini näihin,
jotka ilosta uhkoivat soimalla.
Valo virtasi sormen päihin.
Jumala, Sinulta käteni sain.
Koko sieluni Sinua Kiittää.
Minun käteni ovat kanava vain.
Mitä tahdot, se tee, se riittää.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
being tired
I did try reason yesterday with the person I wrote here about. But when I'm still feeling unsecure about the fact that this person acts like I'm his mother and keeps telling me everything.. and blaming me for everything-- I try to support my friends but there are limits. I just can't do it.
..
And I told him that. Somehow today and yesterday I have been just so tired. I feel like I would just pass out every second. Yes, I go to bed early but still. I wonder why?
I'm just so tired. And yes, I sit too much on computer, but I do it because of my work. So yes, my neck is killing me. Again.
But maybe someday I just pass out. Well we will see. Not planning to do it tough.
..
And I told him that. Somehow today and yesterday I have been just so tired. I feel like I would just pass out every second. Yes, I go to bed early but still. I wonder why?
I'm just so tired. And yes, I sit too much on computer, but I do it because of my work. So yes, my neck is killing me. Again.
But maybe someday I just pass out. Well we will see. Not planning to do it tough.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Plääh
Old bad habits seems to die hard.. Noticing again one in myself.
Yes, most of my friends say I'm "Easy to make friends with" and m "nice person".. Yes, I try to be polite and good and behave because mom always told me that you don't need to like everyone, but get along with everyone. ..
..
Well I find again that when I let people be themselves and myself being me trying to stand "annyoing people". Then when it comes to the breaking point where I no longer can stand someone's behavior and tell them to quit it.. and tell that I'm annoyed by them. Somehow I always get shock reaction from them.
..
How is that always possible people shocking and crying when I say I don't like something. Damn. I m so tired being nice to everyone all the time. I can't be perfect all the time. But still it makes myself feel sad and I find hurting mostly myself when I get mad on someone. But still I just can't take all stupid actions.
--
M I only one with this problem or are there any others who have similiar problems?
..
Problem being me being too friendly and always supporting my friends, even I got bad depression myself. When I just can't support someone dear to me "it" meaining my friend starts to being really depressed and even suicidal and harmful for themselves. :/
And I just can't help it. I try behave and support everyone and listen. But some times I just need to be left alone.
Yes, I might seem social and easy outside but in real life I find myself baring no skill to bare being near with humans for long time perioid. After coming home from work I usually go straight to bed because I'm so tired of being social. And I feel like I'm getting burn out for being social all the time at work. I wanna sleeeeeeep. But I can't because I have work to do.
And yes, sorry, I know this all sounds confusing and my grammar is failing me again. Lol. Its just that I have so much to say and I dunno how to say it proper way or how to say it. And yes, most of the time I find difficould to speak or write in Finnish. If you think I have hard time writing stuff in English, don't make me write it Finnish. I find that mostly I know English word for something I mean or English saying for some situations, but can't tell how its supposed to say in Finnish. Words like: Cliffhanger, Creeped out, Outsider, furry etc just don't have the same ring in them in Finnish. And saying "Kliffhangeri" or "Kreeppaa mut hengiltä" just sounds stupif. XD
Maybe I sjould continiue my work atm and write more stuff later.
But I just feel like I'm on burnout. Yep. I just fetched more paper pictures and film from warehouse cellar and was supposed to scan and digitalize them all. But after 500 0000 of pictures scanned (at least) I start feeling myself bit weary and dull. I just need to take a looong nap. But then again I know I just can't do it. I can't just quit. I promised my boss that I would do this and I can't let him down. After all he is so nice person and always cheers me up.
Also most of my co-workers are just so adorable. Okay only ones I feel odd being with and find that they don't wanna talk with me are couple of female summer workers.. But for male co-workers I just feel like spoiled kid middle of them. Heheh. Just yesterday one had bougth Icecream and was like "I don't wanna eat this.. you want this?" :D
But ya. Maybe I just needs to slap myself in face and keep doing..
I just have found myself whole day being bit more numb than usually because I had bit argue with one of my friends. He seems to think I m free to leave work to eat with him and he is free to do all what he wants. And he did not get the hint to not call me middle of my work shift. So I told him not to do it.
Yes, most of my friends say I'm "Easy to make friends with" and m "nice person".. Yes, I try to be polite and good and behave because mom always told me that you don't need to like everyone, but get along with everyone. ..
..
Well I find again that when I let people be themselves and myself being me trying to stand "annyoing people". Then when it comes to the breaking point where I no longer can stand someone's behavior and tell them to quit it.. and tell that I'm annoyed by them. Somehow I always get shock reaction from them.
..
How is that always possible people shocking and crying when I say I don't like something. Damn. I m so tired being nice to everyone all the time. I can't be perfect all the time. But still it makes myself feel sad and I find hurting mostly myself when I get mad on someone. But still I just can't take all stupid actions.
--
M I only one with this problem or are there any others who have similiar problems?
..
Problem being me being too friendly and always supporting my friends, even I got bad depression myself. When I just can't support someone dear to me "it" meaining my friend starts to being really depressed and even suicidal and harmful for themselves. :/
And I just can't help it. I try behave and support everyone and listen. But some times I just need to be left alone.
Yes, I might seem social and easy outside but in real life I find myself baring no skill to bare being near with humans for long time perioid. After coming home from work I usually go straight to bed because I'm so tired of being social. And I feel like I'm getting burn out for being social all the time at work. I wanna sleeeeeeep. But I can't because I have work to do.
And yes, sorry, I know this all sounds confusing and my grammar is failing me again. Lol. Its just that I have so much to say and I dunno how to say it proper way or how to say it. And yes, most of the time I find difficould to speak or write in Finnish. If you think I have hard time writing stuff in English, don't make me write it Finnish. I find that mostly I know English word for something I mean or English saying for some situations, but can't tell how its supposed to say in Finnish. Words like: Cliffhanger, Creeped out, Outsider, furry etc just don't have the same ring in them in Finnish. And saying "Kliffhangeri" or "Kreeppaa mut hengiltä" just sounds stupif. XD
Maybe I sjould continiue my work atm and write more stuff later.
But I just feel like I'm on burnout. Yep. I just fetched more paper pictures and film from warehouse cellar and was supposed to scan and digitalize them all. But after 500 0000 of pictures scanned (at least) I start feeling myself bit weary and dull. I just need to take a looong nap. But then again I know I just can't do it. I can't just quit. I promised my boss that I would do this and I can't let him down. After all he is so nice person and always cheers me up.
Also most of my co-workers are just so adorable. Okay only ones I feel odd being with and find that they don't wanna talk with me are couple of female summer workers.. But for male co-workers I just feel like spoiled kid middle of them. Heheh. Just yesterday one had bougth Icecream and was like "I don't wanna eat this.. you want this?" :D
But ya. Maybe I just needs to slap myself in face and keep doing..
I just have found myself whole day being bit more numb than usually because I had bit argue with one of my friends. He seems to think I m free to leave work to eat with him and he is free to do all what he wants. And he did not get the hint to not call me middle of my work shift. So I told him not to do it.
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Let it shine! Let it shine! Let it shine!
It's funny how when its cloudy and murky I have no intenios what so ever going anywhere near front yard or step out of the house because "its too cold and windy.." however I find out that when its sunny and warm I found new obsticle and bad thing being out there.. And that is the sun.
Its just too hot and I start getting headache and feeling dizzy when I go out. Even if I wear a hat. Maybe it is just that I haven't got used to the sun yet. .. After long being depressed and just sitting there its small wonder. But still I wish it would somehow be easier.
..
And same time I find out being total foul-mouthed racist towards the weather.
Its just too hot and I start getting headache and feeling dizzy when I go out. Even if I wear a hat. Maybe it is just that I haven't got used to the sun yet. .. After long being depressed and just sitting there its small wonder. But still I wish it would somehow be easier.
..
And same time I find out being total foul-mouthed racist towards the weather.
Monday, June 29, 2015
What is love?
I recently hopped into a claim that marriage is love. If love= marriage, then I'm mostly married to my computer, Vincent, all my rpg charachters, my job, my food, my home, my bed, my pillow, my kittens, my clothes, my hat, my nails, my hair... Damn this list is too long.
What I wanna correct that I think love is about caring. I care about all that stuff above. But I still don't wanna marry them.. Well most of them maybe not are not considered as marriable objects due today's laws but you get the point.
I think love is synonyme to want to be with something and keep something neart and care about something. Its not always marriage.
YES; ABSOLUTELY marriage should have these things. You should be able to care and wanna be with the person you marry. But still that is not how I defy love. Love is part of marriage. So also is argues and talking about different opinions. They are also important part of us being social.
---
This text is no means to hurt anyone's feelings or attack any person/ inviduals what so ever.
I just want to make clear statement how I see things and also I'm interested to know how you see these things. Please comment and share!
Love is not just marriage. Love is caring, and LIKING the other person EVEN the other person sometimes is A TOTAL IDIOT: Thats part of love as well.
Deep shit for you broght by Varjokani. :P
What I wanna correct that I think love is about caring. I care about all that stuff above. But I still don't wanna marry them.. Well most of them maybe not are not considered as marriable objects due today's laws but you get the point.
I think love is synonyme to want to be with something and keep something neart and care about something. Its not always marriage.
YES; ABSOLUTELY marriage should have these things. You should be able to care and wanna be with the person you marry. But still that is not how I defy love. Love is part of marriage. So also is argues and talking about different opinions. They are also important part of us being social.
---
This text is no means to hurt anyone's feelings or attack any person/ inviduals what so ever.
I just want to make clear statement how I see things and also I'm interested to know how you see these things. Please comment and share!
Love is not just marriage. Love is caring, and LIKING the other person EVEN the other person sometimes is A TOTAL IDIOT: Thats part of love as well.
Deep shit for you broght by Varjokani. :P
Thursday, June 25, 2015
.. Deep shit here
In case you keep wondering if I actually enjoy being stupid and writing and wondering about all stuff I see the answer is yes. But if you ask me why then I just have to tell you that I don't know. Somehow I just feel it nice to pour all things inside my head to your head. I dunno. But this feels relaxing. It still helps me think clear. Kinda like telling stuff to someone close to me.. even I don't tell anyone. I just write it so all can see it. But then I wonder why it makes me feel so relaxed.
..
Maybe its because world is full of stuff that I just dont get. Like rapist, mean people, racist, people who just wanna abuse someone else,.. etc.
Maybe its more easy to me to handle stuff when I know someone else (meaning you poor fellow who accidently ended up opening this link) has to bare it with me.
Ahah. I wanna say I feel sorry for you but kinda I'm happy that you guys read this shit. :)
-
Nya
..
Maybe its because world is full of stuff that I just dont get. Like rapist, mean people, racist, people who just wanna abuse someone else,.. etc.
Maybe its more easy to me to handle stuff when I know someone else (meaning you poor fellow who accidently ended up opening this link) has to bare it with me.
Ahah. I wanna say I feel sorry for you but kinda I'm happy that you guys read this shit. :)
-
Nya
When people dont love other and don't even themselves ..
Today I made an other post considering rape and hurting others. I have been thinking whole day one question; "WHAT MAKES MAN not wanna care for others?"
Like if you can think of only of yourself and own desires, only then you'll be able to rape, hurt, steal or murder someone. On then just let's take it simple level to the bullying at school etc. All wrong selfish stuff needs people to for some reason stop caring. "I don't give a fuck" additude is dangerous. More dangerous than people think of. It can lead to horrible stuff.
Well still what made it in first place? And when people don't give damn about other do they even give damn of themselves? No. They don't in most cases. Or then they do but they seem to think that no one else gives a damn about them so they take avenge and "revenge the cruelty of the world back where it came from."
So in the end everyone hates each other and wanna kill each other..
Then there is an other thing that I don't understand. World view of youn +20 years old female who works as a prostitute and posts to magazine that "She is happy and proud when married people have sex with her..?"
Erm.. I have nothing against sex, but against cheating and helping with cheating and enjoying it is bit suspicious.
Also if think myself, I could never let total stranger touch me. Hugging yes, and dancing yes. But no sex. No being naked.
I just keep wondering how broken one must be if thinks that selling themselves like animals and being "abused" by strangers with no love involved makes them happy?
..
That makes me also note that everyone needs hugs and love. But I think selling own body to strangers to get it is kinda wrong way.
I see it as it could hurt people from inside. being used dishcloth surely can feel cool but I see it as same situation as I would make some stranger to clean my room and then spit on their face. Its not right.
But like I said earlier I don't wanna judge people. I just wanna know why they do stuff that I cant understand.
Like if you can think of only of yourself and own desires, only then you'll be able to rape, hurt, steal or murder someone. On then just let's take it simple level to the bullying at school etc. All wrong selfish stuff needs people to for some reason stop caring. "I don't give a fuck" additude is dangerous. More dangerous than people think of. It can lead to horrible stuff.
Well still what made it in first place? And when people don't give damn about other do they even give damn of themselves? No. They don't in most cases. Or then they do but they seem to think that no one else gives a damn about them so they take avenge and "revenge the cruelty of the world back where it came from."
So in the end everyone hates each other and wanna kill each other..
Then there is an other thing that I don't understand. World view of youn +20 years old female who works as a prostitute and posts to magazine that "She is happy and proud when married people have sex with her..?"
Erm.. I have nothing against sex, but against cheating and helping with cheating and enjoying it is bit suspicious.
Also if think myself, I could never let total stranger touch me. Hugging yes, and dancing yes. But no sex. No being naked.
I just keep wondering how broken one must be if thinks that selling themselves like animals and being "abused" by strangers with no love involved makes them happy?
..
That makes me also note that everyone needs hugs and love. But I think selling own body to strangers to get it is kinda wrong way.
I see it as it could hurt people from inside. being used dishcloth surely can feel cool but I see it as same situation as I would make some stranger to clean my room and then spit on their face. Its not right.
But like I said earlier I don't wanna judge people. I just wanna know why they do stuff that I cant understand.
over-reaction of self-defense and other nice stuff in Finland aka. Meanwhile in Finland
So basicly it seems that some "SMART DUDES" in Finland think that its okay to teach kids that if they rape someone its okay, and they just have to pay little money ('and when they don't have money goverment pays it off??") to get free hotel for couple of months or maybe for a year. Plus if anyone speaks badly about u and tell u are dangerous its a bad thing. So basicly you can go free in a year to roam free and do an other rape?
..
What the fuck.?..
What the actual fuck?
When someone does anything to hurt someone else, AND ISN'T EVEN SORRY for it. Its highly possible that with given change and "premission" they do it again. And in some case thei did it again. You can read it from newspapers that someone sexually assaulted someone and had records of doing violence to the even same person before. And still they are free to go where ever they please?
..
Ya, I don't wanna judge people. If you did some bad stuff in your past and you were sorry for it AND CHANGED to the better. And QUIT hurting people its okay. I don't blame you. But this is just so wrong. And I for one m coward of people and going out already. This is getting to the point when its not safe to go out again..?
Oh and I almost forgot the most 'awesome' part called "LEGITIMATE SELF-PROTECTION violent hyperbole", hätävarjelun liioittelu. It means basicly if someone tries to rob you or rape you and you happen to hit them in face so they get a nose bleed etc. Or the fact they even feel any pain for it is reason enough to you get to pay big money for the criminal for "hurting them invain while they were to try harm you."
Ya. In here it seems if someone breaks into your house and you show them fireplace poker stick and tell them to 'go away before you have to defend yourself' they can sue you for threatening their very life..
Or like I said if you hit thief in act thief gets you busted for using too much force.
And then again there were cases about rape where people were told "But he isn't quilty 'cause you did not do all you could to stop him..' But how can you do anything if its enough to get you busted.
Graw. I hate Finland.. or I hate its judges who judge dudes for selling snuff (tobbaccoo you put on your lip) for over a 3 years when people can walk free from rape because "It wasn't so humiliating".
--
Ya. Sorry guys but I'm just so much hate and fear for this thing. Its not nice to live in a country where defending yourself is a crime, and also there is none to defend and rise up for you if you need help. Not law at least.
..
What the fuck.?..
What the actual fuck?
When someone does anything to hurt someone else, AND ISN'T EVEN SORRY for it. Its highly possible that with given change and "premission" they do it again. And in some case thei did it again. You can read it from newspapers that someone sexually assaulted someone and had records of doing violence to the even same person before. And still they are free to go where ever they please?
..
Ya, I don't wanna judge people. If you did some bad stuff in your past and you were sorry for it AND CHANGED to the better. And QUIT hurting people its okay. I don't blame you. But this is just so wrong. And I for one m coward of people and going out already. This is getting to the point when its not safe to go out again..?
Oh and I almost forgot the most 'awesome' part called "LEGITIMATE SELF-PROTECTION violent hyperbole", hätävarjelun liioittelu. It means basicly if someone tries to rob you or rape you and you happen to hit them in face so they get a nose bleed etc. Or the fact they even feel any pain for it is reason enough to you get to pay big money for the criminal for "hurting them invain while they were to try harm you."
Ya. In here it seems if someone breaks into your house and you show them fireplace poker stick and tell them to 'go away before you have to defend yourself' they can sue you for threatening their very life..
Or like I said if you hit thief in act thief gets you busted for using too much force.
And then again there were cases about rape where people were told "But he isn't quilty 'cause you did not do all you could to stop him..' But how can you do anything if its enough to get you busted.
Graw. I hate Finland.. or I hate its judges who judge dudes for selling snuff (tobbaccoo you put on your lip) for over a 3 years when people can walk free from rape because "It wasn't so humiliating".
--
Ya. Sorry guys but I'm just so much hate and fear for this thing. Its not nice to live in a country where defending yourself is a crime, and also there is none to defend and rise up for you if you need help. Not law at least.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Just randomn tic
For some reason my rigth eye keeps Twitching cause of tic with no reason whats so ever..
In Finland we call that "elohiiri", meaning "live-mouse".
..
I'd more likely have to have elohiiri that looks like this one
In Finland we call that "elohiiri", meaning "live-mouse".
..
I'd more likely have to have elohiiri that looks like this one
Yes.. my irl friends have already joked that I got just so much Vinnie on my head. Lollollol.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
私はかなりの言語の後ろの痛みを隠しています。
私はこれを行うだけではないのですか？それは離れて痛みを取る願って未知の言語が書き込み？
まあ、少なくとも私はどれも実際にこれらを読まない見ることができます。思考誰かが実際にこれらを読んでいましたなら、それは怖いだろう。私はどれも見ないとどれも気にしないという事実のために使用されています。私が住んでいる場合、または死亡しています。どれも認識していません。いずれも、思いやりではありません。どれも私を欠場します。
まあ、少なくとも私はどれも実際にこれらを読まない見ることができます。思考誰かが実際にこれらを読んでいましたなら、それは怖いだろう。私はどれも見ないとどれも気にしないという事実のために使用されています。私が住んでいる場合、または死亡しています。どれも認識していません。いずれも、思いやりではありません。どれも私を欠場します。
同時に、その楽しさと恐ろしい真実。私はちょうどそれと一緒に暮らすことを学ぶ必要があります。私が失敗した場合、私は引き金を引くだろう。自分を殺すの人々が天国に行くことができないためと地獄への片道旅行を行きます。
アディオスのアミーゴ。
これが最後の時間であれば、私はあなたを参照してください。私は抱擁あなたをしたいと私はしたい私はあなたのすべての単一の1を愛したと言います。カンピオンくん..理子·ねこちゃん.. Uすべての私には非常に重要。
アディオスのアミーゴ。
これが最後の時間であれば、私はあなたを参照してください。私は抱擁あなたをしたいと私はしたい私はあなたのすべての単一の1を愛したと言います。カンピオンくん..理子·ねこちゃん.. Uすべての私には非常に重要。
私は落ちることができます。
私は落ちることができます。私はあなたが私をキャッチします落ちますか？私はすべての人と悲しいことにも疲れメートル。私は私を受け入れるように人々をしたいと..私は誰もが私はたわごとの愚かな障害者作品をクソだ考えを持つ人々と一緒にいたいです。私はしたくはもう放置することはありません。ない再び。私の中にあまりにも多くの古い痛み。ハーツ。神はなぜ？なぜあなたは一人で泣く私を許可しますか？
これは楽しみではありません。私は他の人のようになりたいです。しかし、私は失敗します。なぜ私は普通ではないのですか？してください？..プリティください。 :(
ただ、一生に一度の人々が私を受け入れるときに、通常のように私を扱います。愛し、私を気に。あなたがADHDであるとき人生はたわごとです。そして、はい、私は私がどれもが今までこのたわごとを読まないことを知っているので、Googleが日本語に翻訳使用してメートル。彼らが行う場合、彼らは理解し、それを気にしないでください。彼らはなぜでしょうか？
..
さて、主に私は私が後でこれを読むことができないので、自分からこのテキストを非表示にしています。あるかのように私は再びそれを読むことができませんでした。また私が書いたものを覚えています。それが役立つだろうとして痛みが離れて行きます。
これは楽しみではありません。私は他の人のようになりたいです。しかし、私は失敗します。なぜ私は普通ではないのですか？してください？..プリティください。 :(
ただ、一生に一度の人々が私を受け入れるときに、通常のように私を扱います。愛し、私を気に。あなたがADHDであるとき人生はたわごとです。そして、はい、私は私がどれもが今までこのたわごとを読まないことを知っているので、Googleが日本語に翻訳使用してメートル。彼らが行う場合、彼らは理解し、それを気にしないでください。彼らはなぜでしょうか？
..
さて、主に私は私が後でこれを読むことができないので、自分からこのテキストを非表示にしています。あるかのように私は再びそれを読むことができませんでした。また私が書いたものを覚えています。それが役立つだろうとして痛みが離れて行きます。
Monday, June 22, 2015
bugs and birds
Hi again. Yes, I m now 21 years old.. but somehow I don't feel one bit smarter or older. Maybe it is a good thing. Maybe it is a bad.
..
Well what is a bad thing that this morning I got bitten by tick. Somehow this little bug had sneaked inside our house because it wasn't anywhere near me when I got to bed last night. Only appeared this morning while I was eating.
I have removed several big ones from our pets but never was targeted myself before. Man I can tell you it's bite hurts. A LOT: Its like asset poured on your hand at the spot where they bite. Yes, they are small but still hurts. And makes me wanna scratch my hand till it bleeds. *A bad thing*..?
As if normal small Finnish mosqitos weren't eating me alive yesterday. D:
Well since I made my boyfriend buy me Pokewalker I should use it. But how to use it when getting fobia even in side..?
Well world is weirdo place. Maybe I chill down and take it easy later on. But now I'm bit panic. Yes, I went to see nurse on local hospital and she was like "Well don't worryy. If it starts making red and white sircles around ur wound then worry and come back."
I was like okaaay. O:_O
And now I'm like stalking my hand waiting something bad to happen.. I think I'm being bit paranoid, and a lot over reacting.. But then why when I don't react people come to tell me later I should have reacted and gone to see doctor. Like when last week they found out my ears and inner cheeck were infected by the flu. Nice work people.
---...---
Well lets see how this goes. I'll be writing for you more if something more interesting happens.
At the moment I'm at work, Rattata on my pocket. *grins*
Called him Throttle and nyaa... *kelws kawaii nyan aws nyan nyan* ^^¨
Yes, I know most of the people hate Rattata. I know they appear from everywhere and be annoying. But if you ever played ORIGINAL Gold or Silver ( I have them both for Gameboy color) you'll know that the really annoying shit face there who stalks and attacks your with your every step on grass is one called "Hoothoot".
(Images are from Google.)
And yes, so if you think that for 14 - +20 years old you have rage problems while encountering couple rats be my guest and try original Gold at nighttime. Hehehhee. Only thing you get is that annoying "Wroollolrwroolol rwrool" sound and Hoothoot appearing.
Could swear he actually says "Trolled here I come again bitch!"
-_-
..
Well what is a bad thing that this morning I got bitten by tick. Somehow this little bug had sneaked inside our house because it wasn't anywhere near me when I got to bed last night. Only appeared this morning while I was eating.
I have removed several big ones from our pets but never was targeted myself before. Man I can tell you it's bite hurts. A LOT: Its like asset poured on your hand at the spot where they bite. Yes, they are small but still hurts. And makes me wanna scratch my hand till it bleeds. *A bad thing*..?
As if normal small Finnish mosqitos weren't eating me alive yesterday. D:
Well since I made my boyfriend buy me Pokewalker I should use it. But how to use it when getting fobia even in side..?
Well world is weirdo place. Maybe I chill down and take it easy later on. But now I'm bit panic. Yes, I went to see nurse on local hospital and she was like "Well don't worryy. If it starts making red and white sircles around ur wound then worry and come back."
I was like okaaay. O:_O
And now I'm like stalking my hand waiting something bad to happen.. I think I'm being bit paranoid, and a lot over reacting.. But then why when I don't react people come to tell me later I should have reacted and gone to see doctor. Like when last week they found out my ears and inner cheeck were infected by the flu. Nice work people.
---...---
Well lets see how this goes. I'll be writing for you more if something more interesting happens.
At the moment I'm at work, Rattata on my pocket. *grins*
Called him Throttle and nyaa... *kelws kawaii nyan aws nyan nyan* ^^¨
Yes, I know most of the people hate Rattata. I know they appear from everywhere and be annoying. But if you ever played ORIGINAL Gold or Silver ( I have them both for Gameboy color) you'll know that the really annoying shit face there who stalks and attacks your with your every step on grass is one called "Hoothoot".
(Images are from Google.)
And yes, so if you think that for 14 - +20 years old you have rage problems while encountering couple rats be my guest and try original Gold at nighttime. Hehehhee. Only thing you get is that annoying "Wroollolrwroolol rwrool" sound and Hoothoot appearing.
Could swear he actually says "Trolled here I come again bitch!"
-_-
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Just in case
And for some reason I'm kinda scared if GSM admins still stalk my blog. Well if you guys do I wanna say "Hi Pia! What's up? Why not getting new hobbie and be honest for kids for a change?"
..
Like no more lying about paying back money for Gosupermodel.fi if site goes down since you aren't going to pay it back. Or so it says on your user agreement page.
But the other hand ur "info about superpass" page claims you will pay back? So wich one is true?
::
But ya. 79% change I'm just imagining things and being paranoid and scared of nothing. But if you guys DO stalk me (I know they stalked me when I had model on the site) plz go and take cold shower and thing up two words. "Honesty" and getting "a new hobby".
Thats all I had for ya folks.
..
Like no more lying about paying back money for Gosupermodel.fi if site goes down since you aren't going to pay it back. Or so it says on your user agreement page.
But the other hand ur "info about superpass" page claims you will pay back? So wich one is true?
::
But ya. 79% change I'm just imagining things and being paranoid and scared of nothing. But if you guys DO stalk me (I know they stalked me when I had model on the site) plz go and take cold shower and thing up two words. "Honesty" and getting "a new hobby".
Thats all I had for ya folks.
Hurry up get better plz
So I'm atm basicly doing work atm andd counting minutes I can go back to home to sleep the end of my fever away.
..
Well I that should go easy. I just hope I don't pass out. I was supposed to be heatlhy for weekend when I'm going to see family. my granfather and my auntie and my cousin. I have missed them so much. But its damn bad if I can't go near then or hug them. So I wait for this flu to miraciously to go away. Ya, I have antiobiotes. But for so long not looking so good. :(
Also its going to be my birthday at sat. 21. Can you imagine me turning 21 years old and being grown up? Ya. I don't suppose that happens.
..
Well I that should go easy. I just hope I don't pass out. I was supposed to be heatlhy for weekend when I'm going to see family. my granfather and my auntie and my cousin. I have missed them so much. But its damn bad if I can't go near then or hug them. So I wait for this flu to miraciously to go away. Ya, I have antiobiotes. But for so long not looking so good. :(
Also its going to be my birthday at sat. 21. Can you imagine me turning 21 years old and being grown up? Ya. I don't suppose that happens.
me and the damn flu
Hai there again. Long time no see. Okay well.. It happened again. That damn flu and infection on my throat and ears that strikes me down every single summer.. Always when one is supposed to enjoy the fresh air and go to the beach and run wildy on forest etc. and do all fun stuff I'm forced to take it easy and sleep in bed eating like 5 different pills twice per day. Its damn annoying.
Up to this point none of the doctors can't tell me why every single flu in the universe (okay at least from the people who are in same room with me for like ten seconds) strikes me and for all of people around me I'm only one who is forced to take it easy.
I mean it. "Normal flu" that takes like day to recover for everyone else takes like 1-2 weeks minimal to me to recover. I feel like I'm so done with this stuff. I wanna go out and see friends but nope. I'm told by doctor to sleep and try get the damn fever down. Yes, I had 6 days of duty from work because of this and now I'm back at work. Still feeling bit off.
But I just can't figure out what triggers it..? Why me? Always every single summer? Also getting one during autumn also.
Ya ya. Pepople tell me to go out and work for my body's ability to resist sickness. But how you resist it when all times you get beamed with flu first time someone sneezes towards you. And for most of the times you don't even need anyone to sneeze at you. Just someone with flu just sits in same room (different ends of the room) is enough to get me infected with it.
As a kid I was tested for all kind of allergies and they found none. Now I would not count on it. But its not allergy. Always when I go see doctor I got BAD infection on my inner ears and my inner cheeck chambers are filled with snot and also badly infected. .. What ...? What do I do wrong? Ya, I'm supposed to flush it daily with hot water and ocean salt. But I don't wanna. It hurts a lot. And last time I did it or tried to do it I felt just so much pain. It just hurted so damn much and I could not see it helping one thing to get my nose burn while my throat and ears were already burning with pain.. Or my head was. Not my ears.
Funny thing. When ever I get infection in my ear only things I notice is "the pressure" inside my head and I feel bit drowsy and sleepy. Also I feel like I'm more angry to people. But no pain inside my ears. None unless I stick something inside them. Like Medicine. Then it hurts a lot. But other than that I just don't feel the pain there. I think its main reason why I never detect it in time.
I've heard other people that during infection inside inner ear they have pain. I just feel odd on my head. Maybe it is because I got so many of these that my head actually become numb for the pain.-
---
But ya. I think I'm done with this flu and I hate it, but for my bad I feel that IT loves me and always comes back. I had a boy like that in confirmation camp. And he was annoying! Stalked me and wanted me to date him.
Up to this point none of the doctors can't tell me why every single flu in the universe (okay at least from the people who are in same room with me for like ten seconds) strikes me and for all of people around me I'm only one who is forced to take it easy.
I mean it. "Normal flu" that takes like day to recover for everyone else takes like 1-2 weeks minimal to me to recover. I feel like I'm so done with this stuff. I wanna go out and see friends but nope. I'm told by doctor to sleep and try get the damn fever down. Yes, I had 6 days of duty from work because of this and now I'm back at work. Still feeling bit off.
But I just can't figure out what triggers it..? Why me? Always every single summer? Also getting one during autumn also.
Ya ya. Pepople tell me to go out and work for my body's ability to resist sickness. But how you resist it when all times you get beamed with flu first time someone sneezes towards you. And for most of the times you don't even need anyone to sneeze at you. Just someone with flu just sits in same room (different ends of the room) is enough to get me infected with it.
As a kid I was tested for all kind of allergies and they found none. Now I would not count on it. But its not allergy. Always when I go see doctor I got BAD infection on my inner ears and my inner cheeck chambers are filled with snot and also badly infected. .. What ...? What do I do wrong? Ya, I'm supposed to flush it daily with hot water and ocean salt. But I don't wanna. It hurts a lot. And last time I did it or tried to do it I felt just so much pain. It just hurted so damn much and I could not see it helping one thing to get my nose burn while my throat and ears were already burning with pain.. Or my head was. Not my ears.
Funny thing. When ever I get infection in my ear only things I notice is "the pressure" inside my head and I feel bit drowsy and sleepy. Also I feel like I'm more angry to people. But no pain inside my ears. None unless I stick something inside them. Like Medicine. Then it hurts a lot. But other than that I just don't feel the pain there. I think its main reason why I never detect it in time.
I've heard other people that during infection inside inner ear they have pain. I just feel odd on my head. Maybe it is because I got so many of these that my head actually become numb for the pain.-
---
But ya. I think I'm done with this flu and I hate it, but for my bad I feel that IT loves me and always comes back. I had a boy like that in confirmation camp. And he was annoying! Stalked me and wanted me to date him.
Monday, June 8, 2015
#OnlyRabbitProbemos
I was just thinking that I love streaming and being social as long I have quick escape route clear in case things get rough. Like pause stream button or shutting down the computer.
ehehhe.
But still I for most of the time I'm home also my parents are and they watch tv with full volume and kill my ears. Also they make me walk dogs 30mins x 3 per day. Also they wanna me do all random chores they can think of.
So basilcy no time to edit, or no peace and quiet to stream stuff.. Or when I finally have I'm so damn tired I just wanna sleep.
But I have to admit I would love to live like Pewdiepie. I mean not needing to go work but work from home and product media for other people. And being social from home. But ya. No such luck.
First of I would need to buy my own house and then my own food. And have money for bills. That requests of looots of money. So I would need to get good job first, but then again I wanna work online and do stuff online. But then again I need money for it, but I kinda don't get any money before I do it.
Life is hard broskies. Try live with it.
Maybe I'll figure out something. Ya, I know. Its not like I would be able to live just with my blog's adds. While none actually ever sees them because everyone uses addblock. I also use it on youtube sometimesh.. Heheh. So I don't blame you.
And just in case you wanna know more of my problemos you can follow me twitter and Tumblr.
And speaking of Tumblr I did whole rework with my theme. Also made own account for Räävis, so I could keep Räävis directed stuff better organized and so you bros would have change to send him fanmail. Yes. I know you want to spam Räävis with fanmail.
His address is the same:
angstingmouse.tumblr.com/
ehehhe.
But still I for most of the time I'm home also my parents are and they watch tv with full volume and kill my ears. Also they make me walk dogs 30mins x 3 per day. Also they wanna me do all random chores they can think of.
So basilcy no time to edit, or no peace and quiet to stream stuff.. Or when I finally have I'm so damn tired I just wanna sleep.
But I have to admit I would love to live like Pewdiepie. I mean not needing to go work but work from home and product media for other people. And being social from home. But ya. No such luck.
First of I would need to buy my own house and then my own food. And have money for bills. That requests of looots of money. So I would need to get good job first, but then again I wanna work online and do stuff online. But then again I need money for it, but I kinda don't get any money before I do it.
Life is hard broskies. Try live with it.
Maybe I'll figure out something. Ya, I know. Its not like I would be able to live just with my blog's adds. While none actually ever sees them because everyone uses addblock. I also use it on youtube sometimesh.. Heheh. So I don't blame you.
And just in case you wanna know more of my problemos you can follow me twitter and Tumblr.
And speaking of Tumblr I did whole rework with my theme. Also made own account for Räävis, so I could keep Räävis directed stuff better organized and so you bros would have change to send him fanmail. Yes. I know you want to spam Räävis with fanmail.
His address is the same:
angstingmouse.tumblr.com/
Meh
Yay! New week has begun. But I feel weird. Yesterday I had fricking weird headache and today I notice that I see everything bit blurry and feel tired. And feel like my nose is stuck with slime.. again. I don't know if I'm starting to get some illness again. I hope not. Because I 'm too tired for it.
Well I tried washing my eyes at work and they feel sore. But I try work normal today. Maybe I'm just too tired for somereason. It was quite much sunligth last night.. so I dunno. But if this continiues I dunno what to do. Yap. I got it from my mom that I always think I'm okay until I'm half dead. But other than feeling damn sleepy and my eyes are sore I feel competely normal and okay.
..
so I think I m okay. Well lets see tomorrow. I just felt like writing about this. And yes, while being at work I notice myself starting to be more me again. Or at least I haven't felt lately that I would have personal me changing within me. Or I feel I think of the times same way all the time. My feelings haven't changed as it was different me for a week. I dunno if its a good thing or a bad one.
But yah. See ya. :)
-Varjokani
Well I tried washing my eyes at work and they feel sore. But I try work normal today. Maybe I'm just too tired for somereason. It was quite much sunligth last night.. so I dunno. But if this continiues I dunno what to do. Yap. I got it from my mom that I always think I'm okay until I'm half dead. But other than feeling damn sleepy and my eyes are sore I feel competely normal and okay.
..
so I think I m okay. Well lets see tomorrow. I just felt like writing about this. And yes, while being at work I notice myself starting to be more me again. Or at least I haven't felt lately that I would have personal me changing within me. Or I feel I think of the times same way all the time. My feelings haven't changed as it was different me for a week. I dunno if its a good thing or a bad one.
But yah. See ya. :)
-Varjokani
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
So much hate
So the clear thing as mud is the fact that the weather hates me. When I decide to dress up warmly its hot and I'm dying. Then If I leave my fave hoodie home I freeze. This isn't just working. And I'm getting to the point I end up being really annoyed by it.
Why even I read and check weather reports I still get into trouble.
Why even I read and check weather reports I still get into trouble.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Friday, May 29, 2015
Today's weather reflecting world
Its seems it started to rain again. Mään. I did cry out for sun keeping me awake at night but I wasn't actually hoping for rain either. And here I notice myself acting like typical stupid human -- Its fun how some of us ( this time me in cluded) is never satifised with the weather. Always either too cold or too hot. Or then there ain't no wind and the air is rough and sharp like road in the contryside with no asphalt on it. So dusty that it makes one puke. Or then there is hot air and wind beating the hot air on your face untill it hurts. Or then its too cold.
When think of it we all have suffered for things I listed above. Many times when you see beautiful holiday island you think "wow this place is paradise" but when being honest to ourself there is always something wrong. .. And do you know why? My quess is as good as yours but I think its because this isn't paradise. Its fallen world.
..
Yes you can see many beautiful things here, and some awesome scenery. And beautiful music.. But also horrible things like war, people dying for either being sick or hungry or then get killed by each other because other one was dating a guy other was interested on. That one was seen in Finnish media couple weeks ago. Two girls who were "doing okay with each other", one gets mad, visits the other's home and kills other because "just happened to get bitch rage mode on" or someting.
Ya. Bros. How ever I try looking this world I just can't make it feel like paradise. When I'm alone, listening good music and eating icecream I think then I can have glimpse of paradise.. But still. Something is missing.
I found my hope for thinking that maybe Jesus does love me and maybe there is heaven for mad furries like myself. But how about you dear reader? What keeps you not getting insane and loosing all hope when the world around you turns out to be gloomy place? I'm interested to hear your story. Please comment and share your story below.
Or if you are just struggling and going one day before an other like I used to do sometimes and most of my days I still struggle and cry out when I fail. How does that feel? Can you relate anything I wrote here?
-Varjokani
When think of it we all have suffered for things I listed above. Many times when you see beautiful holiday island you think "wow this place is paradise" but when being honest to ourself there is always something wrong. .. And do you know why? My quess is as good as yours but I think its because this isn't paradise. Its fallen world.
..
Yes you can see many beautiful things here, and some awesome scenery. And beautiful music.. But also horrible things like war, people dying for either being sick or hungry or then get killed by each other because other one was dating a guy other was interested on. That one was seen in Finnish media couple weeks ago. Two girls who were "doing okay with each other", one gets mad, visits the other's home and kills other because "just happened to get bitch rage mode on" or someting.
Ya. Bros. How ever I try looking this world I just can't make it feel like paradise. When I'm alone, listening good music and eating icecream I think then I can have glimpse of paradise.. But still. Something is missing.
I found my hope for thinking that maybe Jesus does love me and maybe there is heaven for mad furries like myself. But how about you dear reader? What keeps you not getting insane and loosing all hope when the world around you turns out to be gloomy place? I'm interested to hear your story. Please comment and share your story below.
Or if you are just struggling and going one day before an other like I used to do sometimes and most of my days I still struggle and cry out when I fail. How does that feel? Can you relate anything I wrote here?
-Varjokani
Gosun ulkopuolella?
Taas tulee kohta viikko täyteen ilman Gosua. Joo yhä tuntuu haikealta ja oudolta mut joo. Toisaalta sitä rupeaa miettimään miten jokainen meistä on jatkanut elämäänsä ja harrastuksiaan. Ja mikä meissä on muuttunut.
Mulle oli omasta mielestäni iso askel kun uskalsin omalla nimelläni käydä sanomassa hei tuonne Gosun Face-ryhmään. Joo vaikutan aika monen mielestä seurankipeältä ja sosiaaliselta otukselta, mutta ne jotka mut oikeesti tuntee voi kertoa että mitä enemmän höpisen sen enemmän mua pelottaa. Tai siis peitän juttelemalla turhanpäiviäistä roskaa sen että mua pelottaa hirveästi ihmisten lähellä (Varsinkin omalla nimellä Tuntemattomien lähellä). Ja siten myös kokeilen ihmisten tapaa suhtautua läsnäolooni. Joo mulla on yhä eläimellisiä piirteitä jäljellä joista oon tänne purkanut lähinnä enkuksi. Mut siis lyhyesti koulukiusaaminen + valehtelevat ihmiset = paniikkihäiriöinen otus joka pelkää kaikkia ja kaikkea.
Mut joo itsestä toisaalta tosi mahtavaa miten oon pariin upeaan ja ihanaan ihmiseen nyt tutustunut paremmin kuin koskaan jos Gosua ei oltaisi suljettu. Joo te ihanat tunnistatte kyllä itsenne. Puhuin teille viimeksi eilen illalla ja tänään aamulla. :P
Mutta hei. Joo netisivuprojekti on yhä kesken (anteeksi) mutta valmistuu kokoajan.. hitaasti. Tällähetkellä VIELÄKIN pitää väsätä ulkoasua. Mutta yritän saada sen tehtyä. Lupaan. Ja kun Candykitten palaa conista me ruvetaan tosiaan töihin.. (eikun nukkumaan). Joo ollaan laiskoja ja sillon kun on vapaa-aikaa ollaan töistämme tosi uuvuttuja. :(
Mut ei aijota luovuttaa. Aijotaan tehdä teille ihana forkka jossa hölistä nikin kanssa ja viettää laatuaikaa. Ja mahdollisesti jotain peliäkin ollaan suunnittelemassa. :P
Mutta hei kertokaa ja kommentoikaa miten teillä menee?
Erityisesti mua kiinnostaa miten teillä joilla ei ole Facea / jotka ette ole Gosun faceryhmässä menee? On iso ikävä kaikkia ihania Gosukavereita. :(
Joo Gosu oli mulle kuin perhe. Ei siitä pääse yli eikä ympäri. Niin hyvässä kuin pahassa.
the sunlight and panic attacks
Damn its getting to the point its impossible to fall to sleep when the sun never seems to set down. That leads to the main question of this morning. Why do humans be alfraid of the dark? Yes I don't like it either when I sing, hop and dance around forest in winter and suddenly there is huge male elk stalking me 3,4 meters away from me. Yes, I will shout and scream and bolt trying to make a run for it.
..
but other than that I don't get it. How can some people sleep with the light on? Yes, I keep my eyeshader-thingies on when I sleep. They are peace of cloth that has "sweet dreams" written on them. And you just wrap them around your backside of your head so they cover your eyes. I think you can get them from airplanes.. but mine are from supermarket.
Ya. I m no judge here but I just wish I could learn from people who can just relax and fall a sleep where ever they are standing or sitting. Only situations I can do that is when I'm overworked and my brains just shut down like Windows 8 system when it needs system updating. But I'd call that passing out. Not sleeping. Because usually when I sleep I decide it before I do it that "okay now I'll sleep.."
But ya. Good morning. Finally its friday! And tomorrow I can sleep.. oh I almost forgot. I can't because my friends having graduating party tomorrow and day after tomorrow my other pall is having Birthday party. Ya. Fun. I know. But for someone like me who has hard life behind me its not so easy. I can be near humans yes. But after I do it I need to reset myself and sleep and take it easy and rest. And have time with myself.. and my pillow and planket. :3
After having long days at work I'm bit worried how it all will turn out. Specially when I know my friends yes, but they are sure to invite there people who I don't know and who don't know me. Ya. Thats kind of situations really can make me tired. I m not sure why but I think its someting to do with the fact I have background of being terrefied and scared all humans. I just haven't been able to trust humans for so long time. Yes, I m learning to do it. But the past is just hunting me.. like shadow. And at this point I wanna scream and kick and bite and yell "FUCK OFF! I wanna be normal! Let me be!" but the past still has a hold on me. Ya, I know most of humans have no intenion to hurt me or whatsoever but I still feel kinda nervous when people around me. I love people and love talking to people.. but something there makes myself wonder why when I love it so much why it still makes me feel so tired and scared.
I have told couple of things around me that I have panic attacks and phobia for humans. And I don't trust humans and I don't like be around many people and I feel ackward in social situations. They all usually are like "Oh really? O_O" or "But you seem so brave and talktive atm. How is that possible".
Ya. The annoying side of it is that I have habitat to cover my panic with talk and I usually never shut up when I start talking and laughing with people. But from inside I keep feeling tense and weak and just usually wait for something to break and trigger my panic attacks.
Ya. I think my panic attacks are the main reason why I feel that way. But since I have meds and haven't got so bad attacks for while I wonder what I'm so scard of?
..
Nya. I'm bad at this kind of stuff. Everyone seems to think I'm easy to make friends with. But I'm scaring humans .. and most of the time hating them all for being so scary and so humans.
Well somehow writing this stuff makes me feel better so I think I ll be writing this more and more. I feel so relieved after writing this.
..
but other than that I don't get it. How can some people sleep with the light on? Yes, I keep my eyeshader-thingies on when I sleep. They are peace of cloth that has "sweet dreams" written on them. And you just wrap them around your backside of your head so they cover your eyes. I think you can get them from airplanes.. but mine are from supermarket.
Ya. I m no judge here but I just wish I could learn from people who can just relax and fall a sleep where ever they are standing or sitting. Only situations I can do that is when I'm overworked and my brains just shut down like Windows 8 system when it needs system updating. But I'd call that passing out. Not sleeping. Because usually when I sleep I decide it before I do it that "okay now I'll sleep.."
But ya. Good morning. Finally its friday! And tomorrow I can sleep.. oh I almost forgot. I can't because my friends having graduating party tomorrow and day after tomorrow my other pall is having Birthday party. Ya. Fun. I know. But for someone like me who has hard life behind me its not so easy. I can be near humans yes. But after I do it I need to reset myself and sleep and take it easy and rest. And have time with myself.. and my pillow and planket. :3
After having long days at work I'm bit worried how it all will turn out. Specially when I know my friends yes, but they are sure to invite there people who I don't know and who don't know me. Ya. Thats kind of situations really can make me tired. I m not sure why but I think its someting to do with the fact I have background of being terrefied and scared all humans. I just haven't been able to trust humans for so long time. Yes, I m learning to do it. But the past is just hunting me.. like shadow. And at this point I wanna scream and kick and bite and yell "FUCK OFF! I wanna be normal! Let me be!" but the past still has a hold on me. Ya, I know most of humans have no intenion to hurt me or whatsoever but I still feel kinda nervous when people around me. I love people and love talking to people.. but something there makes myself wonder why when I love it so much why it still makes me feel so tired and scared.
I have told couple of things around me that I have panic attacks and phobia for humans. And I don't trust humans and I don't like be around many people and I feel ackward in social situations. They all usually are like "Oh really? O_O" or "But you seem so brave and talktive atm. How is that possible".
Ya. The annoying side of it is that I have habitat to cover my panic with talk and I usually never shut up when I start talking and laughing with people. But from inside I keep feeling tense and weak and just usually wait for something to break and trigger my panic attacks.
Ya. I think my panic attacks are the main reason why I feel that way. But since I have meds and haven't got so bad attacks for while I wonder what I'm so scard of?
..
Nya. I'm bad at this kind of stuff. Everyone seems to think I'm easy to make friends with. But I'm scaring humans .. and most of the time hating them all for being so scary and so humans.
Well somehow writing this stuff makes me feel better so I think I ll be writing this more and more. I feel so relieved after writing this.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Horrorstory: Nightshadow, the cursed one
This text is 100% improvised and 100% fiction. None were harmed while writing this. And I'm not recommeding any of u to read any part of this. Its part of my old story re-done and improvised.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
______________________________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sky is darkening around me. I feel lonely.. and so cold. I feel like losting last rips of my senses as darkness falls over me. I try keep breathing and staying awake. But its impossible. I can't feel the pain anymore. I have felt too much of it. So I cant feel any no more. I smile. Finally.. Finally its time for the grand ending. -- But how much did it cost. How many times I was scared for this. Many for sure. But now it finally was the end. I felt so calm and almost happy for it. finally. No more pain or conspiracies around me. Finally.
The darkness closes in and I fell a deep sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I open my eyes. I'm silently coming to my senses again. I feel like would suddenly fallen into sleep after long day at doing something hard. I'm running. The sun keeps hovering over me. I'm thirsty. What happened? Why m'I running? What just happened? Where m I? I turn my head as I run to see whats behind me. Bad mistake. I fall. I feel something sharp beating over my face. Branches and trees hit me in a second I stop looking where I'm runnin. I struggle trought them with cursing and spitting needles from pinetrees as I run. Or struggle. At this rate running is impossible. I get clear of the worst bush and start running again. I turn around again to see if there is something behind me. I don't remember anything for couple last seconds. I m confused, and scared.
I get struct and hit again. But this time its different. Its something soft ... and furry. I fall down with it. I feel something metallic and cold being held against my neck. My heart starts racing even more. 'Shit.. I'm done for'.
---
.....
//
Want me to continiue? Maybe I will if you share this and comment this. :)
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
______________________________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The sky is darkening around me. I feel lonely.. and so cold. I feel like losting last rips of my senses as darkness falls over me. I try keep breathing and staying awake. But its impossible. I can't feel the pain anymore. I have felt too much of it. So I cant feel any no more. I smile. Finally.. Finally its time for the grand ending. -- But how much did it cost. How many times I was scared for this. Many for sure. But now it finally was the end. I felt so calm and almost happy for it. finally. No more pain or conspiracies around me. Finally.
The darkness closes in and I fell a deep sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I open my eyes. I'm silently coming to my senses again. I feel like would suddenly fallen into sleep after long day at doing something hard. I'm running. The sun keeps hovering over me. I'm thirsty. What happened? Why m'I running? What just happened? Where m I? I turn my head as I run to see whats behind me. Bad mistake. I fall. I feel something sharp beating over my face. Branches and trees hit me in a second I stop looking where I'm runnin. I struggle trought them with cursing and spitting needles from pinetrees as I run. Or struggle. At this rate running is impossible. I get clear of the worst bush and start running again. I turn around again to see if there is something behind me. I don't remember anything for couple last seconds. I m confused, and scared.
I get struct and hit again. But this time its different. Its something soft ... and furry. I fall down with it. I feel something metallic and cold being held against my neck. My heart starts racing even more. 'Shit.. I'm done for'.
---
.....
//
Want me to continiue? Maybe I will if you share this and comment this. :)
Immanuel - King of the Jungle
Listening atm. I so wanna have time to translate these songs for you. maybe I have at some point.
Deep forgotten memories - trying to catch them while writing random stuff
Its funny how when it silent and there is none to talk with I feel bored. But as soon there are people around me I feel tired and all energy inside my just burn up like leaf dipped in gasoline and then struck in firepit until there is nothing left.
But then I love meeting people and talking with them. But why I'm still scared of people? Why? None hurted me for while? Yes, I have been bullied and threatened in real life in my past. If you read my old posts you'll find out I had quite bad derpression (and yes, I'm still eating meds for it). But I just keep wondering how long this is going to last.
I have been at work like 5 weeks soon and I keep wondering why even everyone here are so nice why I sometimes feel like getting burnout just because there are poeple near me. Ya. I usually (like atm) listen music from my headphones so I could keep myself focused on the things I do. Ya. But why being near humans make me so tired?
I just wish I could dive deep inside my head and figure out whats the problemo this time. And yes, I still sometimes get the feeling like sometimes I'm me and sometimes I'm someone else. Its not like I forget my name and had OCD or multiple person in my head that don't have clue of of each others. And I think I can always control myself. But somehow its bit scary when I wake up morning and for now reason notice speaking to my mom "Meow meowgrr.." with no reason.
And then she is like "what?" And I m like Eerm. nothing. It only happens when I'm tired. Sometimes then I with out noticing start sneaking and growling. Its like some reflex for staying safe. But since haven't done it for while and this morning did it at my own home and on my way to toilets I'm quite confused. And yes, it seems I finally m starting to get to the point where I m starting to dive inside my own heart and head. And soul. I dunno if its vise to write these things here, and I dunno if half of them are actually happening. I also dunno if I'm kinda feeding them and making situation sound worse than it is.
..
Its just when I start typing and forgot everything around me I feel like I can see things differently. And when I keep writing my toughts down and like trap part of my head's content in this text. It makes analyzing myself easier. Ya. Sorry for this all shit here. I'm pretty sure none of you actually are interested in this. But I also feel I needs to start keeping track of my acting again.
Maybe this way I could go at the beginning point of my traumas and all bad that has been happening. When I try go there I feel like it just slips trough my fingers and dissappears and the tought is gone. And I feel like I m forgetting something really important atm. But.. but I cant tell what it is.
All I know I have feeling I'm getting close of something. Even loosing it all the time.
And I think I go eat something now and contiune my works after it. And then if manage get something posted here.
And yes. my co-parter at work just showed up and asked if I would go eat with him. Well I think I have to. The faded away memory I was remembering a while when I wrote this thing just dissappeared, and now I just keep wondering why did I open text editor again.. and what the heck I was writing in a first place.
Feeling so confused. Usually I remember why I statrted writing but now.. nope. Scary.
But then I love meeting people and talking with them. But why I'm still scared of people? Why? None hurted me for while? Yes, I have been bullied and threatened in real life in my past. If you read my old posts you'll find out I had quite bad derpression (and yes, I'm still eating meds for it). But I just keep wondering how long this is going to last.
I have been at work like 5 weeks soon and I keep wondering why even everyone here are so nice why I sometimes feel like getting burnout just because there are poeple near me. Ya. I usually (like atm) listen music from my headphones so I could keep myself focused on the things I do. Ya. But why being near humans make me so tired?
I just wish I could dive deep inside my head and figure out whats the problemo this time. And yes, I still sometimes get the feeling like sometimes I'm me and sometimes I'm someone else. Its not like I forget my name and had OCD or multiple person in my head that don't have clue of of each others. And I think I can always control myself. But somehow its bit scary when I wake up morning and for now reason notice speaking to my mom "Meow meowgrr.." with no reason.
And then she is like "what?" And I m like Eerm. nothing. It only happens when I'm tired. Sometimes then I with out noticing start sneaking and growling. Its like some reflex for staying safe. But since haven't done it for while and this morning did it at my own home and on my way to toilets I'm quite confused. And yes, it seems I finally m starting to get to the point where I m starting to dive inside my own heart and head. And soul. I dunno if its vise to write these things here, and I dunno if half of them are actually happening. I also dunno if I'm kinda feeding them and making situation sound worse than it is.
..
Its just when I start typing and forgot everything around me I feel like I can see things differently. And when I keep writing my toughts down and like trap part of my head's content in this text. It makes analyzing myself easier. Ya. Sorry for this all shit here. I'm pretty sure none of you actually are interested in this. But I also feel I needs to start keeping track of my acting again.
Maybe this way I could go at the beginning point of my traumas and all bad that has been happening. When I try go there I feel like it just slips trough my fingers and dissappears and the tought is gone. And I feel like I m forgetting something really important atm. But.. but I cant tell what it is.
All I know I have feeling I'm getting close of something. Even loosing it all the time.
And I think I go eat something now and contiune my works after it. And then if manage get something posted here.
And yes. my co-parter at work just showed up and asked if I would go eat with him. Well I think I have to. The faded away memory I was remembering a while when I wrote this thing just dissappeared, and now I just keep wondering why did I open text editor again.. and what the heck I was writing in a first place.
Feeling so confused. Usually I remember why I statrted writing but now.. nope. Scary.
Eeks!
Someone actually reads this? EEKS! *Scary*
Okay I wanna thank you all for supporting me and reading my posts. You make me so happy. *hugs* :3
It means me a lot. Ty. <3
--
Eli kiitos kaikille ihanille stalkkereille jotka on tällä viikolla lukeneet mun blogia. :3
何が私をリラックスして良い感じですか？日本語はそれのために良いです。
あなたたちは、実際にこれらを読めば、私は知りませんか？か否か？私は知りませんよ。私は誰かが実際にそれを読んでいましたでしょう願っています。しかし、私は気にしないでください。私はまだナンセンスを書いて大好きです。それはちょうど私を助けます。私は良い感じになります。私の頭の上に起こっている何かを書き込みます。私の頭は、すべての乱雑と変人です。そして、この世界は私のためにあまりにも面倒で変人です。私はあなたたちとそれを共有する必要があります。それは私が良い感じになります。だから、私は誰かが実際にこれを読み込むかどう私はそれにもかかわらず、このようなものを書いていきますと思いますか？そして、はい、私は、Googleの翻訳を乱用愛する深い行きたいとき。それは私がクスクス笑いになります。そして、日本は美しい言語です。私はそれを勉強していますが、私の悪いのために自分のスキルは、私が翻訳外で、このテキストを書くことができることがまだそれほど良いものではありません。しかし、私はまだたくは世界中の人に達します。
それは私が良い感じになります。話すように。それは私が安全に感じさせます。現実の世界とは異なり。私はあまりにも多くの人々を参照してください場合は、実際の言葉で、私は疲れて、ちょうどたい非表示になります。..今まで私が執筆、フィンランド語、英語、日本語を開始する必要がある場合、はい、私はまだ決めていないのですか？
私は、これらの言語のすべてが大好きです。私は主に直接フィンランドの人々に話をしたいときに多分ほとんどが、私はフィンランド行います。そして、その後、他の状況は、私は英語を使用しています。私はちょうどたい変更が振り返ると、それに同情する必要が出てと私の頭の外にすべてのものをドロップしたとき、私は日本のやる瞬間に思います。私は知りませんよ。それを使用すると、私はリラックスしになることを日本語で非常にかわいいものがあります。すべての「neeh "" KYAは "私は笑顔になります。
しかし屋。未来が保持しているかを見ることができます。日本語もっと勉強することを約束します。だから、誰かが実際にいくつかの日には、この混乱を読んで、それを理解することができました。
それは私が良い感じになります。話すように。それは私が安全に感じさせます。現実の世界とは異なり。私はあまりにも多くの人々を参照してください場合は、実際の言葉で、私は疲れて、ちょうどたい非表示になります。..今まで私が執筆、フィンランド語、英語、日本語を開始する必要がある場合、はい、私はまだ決めていないのですか？
私は、これらの言語のすべてが大好きです。私は主に直接フィンランドの人々に話をしたいときに多分ほとんどが、私はフィンランド行います。そして、その後、他の状況は、私は英語を使用しています。私はちょうどたい変更が振り返ると、それに同情する必要が出てと私の頭の外にすべてのものをドロップしたとき、私は日本のやる瞬間に思います。私は知りませんよ。それを使用すると、私はリラックスしになることを日本語で非常にかわいいものがあります。すべての「neeh "" KYAは "私は笑顔になります。
しかし屋。未来が保持しているかを見ることができます。日本語もっと勉強することを約束します。だから、誰かが実際にいくつかの日には、この混乱を読んで、それを理解することができました。
Chocolate fixes everything? Right? Right?
Well yes, since its "that time of the month" and I'm damn tired I decided to drink some chocolate coffee and hot chocolate and now I feel brilliant. :-D
At the moment I feel like there ain't thing that hot chocolate could not fix. Well now all I got is to wait till the sugar stops working and running trough my brain and I get down from being high on sugar rush. Eew. Not gonna happen soon. But bros if hot chocolate ain't working you don't use it enough. ;-)
"Jos kaakao ei korjaa ongelmaasi, et käytä sitä tarpeeksi"
So I thinks it end of this lesson, or is it? Want some more? Well maybe later. But now I have to consentrate on my work. And yes, since I m not so keen on spamming this stuff on my Facebook account with my own name on it I spam it here. So enjoy. :P
At the moment I feel like there ain't thing that hot chocolate could not fix. Well now all I got is to wait till the sugar stops working and running trough my brain and I get down from being high on sugar rush. Eew. Not gonna happen soon. But bros if hot chocolate ain't working you don't use it enough. ;-)
"Jos kaakao ei korjaa ongelmaasi, et käytä sitä tarpeeksi"
So I thinks it end of this lesson, or is it? Want some more? Well maybe later. But now I have to consentrate on my work. And yes, since I m not so keen on spamming this stuff on my Facebook account with my own name on it I spam it here. So enjoy. :P
Weird feeling in the morning
*yawns* Goohooodoodh moorning *yanws*
..
Well thats all I can say atm. For somereason I feel bad. My head is sore and my throat feels like I got bunch of kitten hair and slime stuck inside it. I keep thinking what did I eat this morning. Just normal bread with some salad dressing. Ya. I eat that stuff. Not because I'm lazy but I think it tastes like chicken. And now when I type it outload I see how stupid it sounds. Well too lazy to erase it.
...
But still I feel like I was tired or drunken or something. Like I was to fall a sleep and pass out in any seckond. Its odd. Maybe this is what people call burnout? Yay! Finally!.. Nope.
Well I still try work as hard as I can. See ya around. Loving ya.
-varjokani
..
Well thats all I can say atm. For somereason I feel bad. My head is sore and my throat feels like I got bunch of kitten hair and slime stuck inside it. I keep thinking what did I eat this morning. Just normal bread with some salad dressing. Ya. I eat that stuff. Not because I'm lazy but I think it tastes like chicken. And now when I type it outload I see how stupid it sounds. Well too lazy to erase it.
...
But still I feel like I was tired or drunken or something. Like I was to fall a sleep and pass out in any seckond. Its odd. Maybe this is what people call burnout? Yay! Finally!.. Nope.
Well I still try work as hard as I can. See ya around. Loving ya.
-varjokani
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
laiska?
And again when I feel I had time to do something creative I find myself first sleeping, then playing Osu and then just surfing around web to find Pokemon episodes to watch.
..
"People call me lazy even I did nothing (wrong)" as they say in Finnish. :-D
But I quess that is what working is.
..
"People call me lazy even I did nothing (wrong)" as they say in Finnish. :-D
But I quess that is what working is.
Fashion and being me
Fashion for Passion...? Ya for Passion of the Christ.
..
For somereason I get reflex-like bad feeling and feel sick when ever I hear the word "fashion". I just don't get it. Okay. For myself its most important that my clothes feel good and look nice for my taste. I don't give damn about if they are okay by fashion. Or at the other hand if someone says I look cool and I have good fashion skills and I'm wearing trend clothes you might be quite sure I destroy the peace of clothes first time I get the change. I dunno. I just somehow feel like I was allergic to it. Maybe I'm.
..
And whats the big who wha about what people look like anyhow? Okay I get it its not right if you wear trash bag and dog poop on you but other than that I'm not interested. Ya. Just popped to my mind to write about this thing since there seems to be so many fashion centered blogs and people around. And also I just keep wondering if I should change my point of view. But since I got no reason for it I think I'm not doing it. Not today at least. Maybe tomorrow. Or I dunno. Hehe.
But ya other thing I don't get when people don't like themselves and try look like someone else. Like some movie star or film star or charachter from some book. I get it people in movies are beautiful. But so are you. Every one of us is beautiful. In our own way. We all are unique and important. So if you don't look like every averange movie star just be happy. You aren't mass production and cheap copy cat. You are you and perfect the way you are. That is the point and thing that makes each one of us valuabe and unique. We are we and there is no way of replacing any of us.
Humans are unique and I think thats how it should be. But somehow we are scared of it?
Well Maybe I quit this typing now and make an other post about being scared of it.
..
For somereason I get reflex-like bad feeling and feel sick when ever I hear the word "fashion". I just don't get it. Okay. For myself its most important that my clothes feel good and look nice for my taste. I don't give damn about if they are okay by fashion. Or at the other hand if someone says I look cool and I have good fashion skills and I'm wearing trend clothes you might be quite sure I destroy the peace of clothes first time I get the change. I dunno. I just somehow feel like I was allergic to it. Maybe I'm.
..
And whats the big who wha about what people look like anyhow? Okay I get it its not right if you wear trash bag and dog poop on you but other than that I'm not interested. Ya. Just popped to my mind to write about this thing since there seems to be so many fashion centered blogs and people around. And also I just keep wondering if I should change my point of view. But since I got no reason for it I think I'm not doing it. Not today at least. Maybe tomorrow. Or I dunno. Hehe.
But ya other thing I don't get when people don't like themselves and try look like someone else. Like some movie star or film star or charachter from some book. I get it people in movies are beautiful. But so are you. Every one of us is beautiful. In our own way. We all are unique and important. So if you don't look like every averange movie star just be happy. You aren't mass production and cheap copy cat. You are you and perfect the way you are. That is the point and thing that makes each one of us valuabe and unique. We are we and there is no way of replacing any of us.
Humans are unique and I think thats how it should be. But somehow we are scared of it?
Well Maybe I quit this typing now and make an other post about being scared of it.
Broken something and feeling sorry.. really deep shit
I managed to destroy my headphone blug's wire again.. Or I think one of my kittens did it. Sad. Well, I knew these would not last long but still bit bitter feeling in the end 'cause these aren't even mine. These are my mom's . Okay I asked her if I could use these but still feeling like I broke something. I told her about this and she did not care. But why still I feel so damn guilty?
And for point a to point b what is being quilty? Why we feel it? Does it make us feel better in the end when we realize we did something bad and can't fix it? Still its considered as good charachter in human beings to feel sorry what they have done.
But however people still do horrible things. Hurt, rape, tease, kill, steal, hurt even more, lie and do all bad things to each others? Why? Whats wrong with people?
I can't think of anything.. I mean why if we feel pain for it why we do it? Why we hurt others if we feel sorry for them. Okay I get it. Some of us are so hurt ourselves that we no more feel sorry for it. We go up to the point when we feel absolutely nothing. I keep wondering why? Why no one stops it before it goes bad? Or if someone is trying to stop it why I cant see it? Is it because I'm blind and stupid?
Well maybe I'm just being so naive and blind on purpose to protecting myself. But to protect from what? I can't really get it in my head. Its all so complicated. So odd.
And for point a to point b what is being quilty? Why we feel it? Does it make us feel better in the end when we realize we did something bad and can't fix it? Still its considered as good charachter in human beings to feel sorry what they have done.
But however people still do horrible things. Hurt, rape, tease, kill, steal, hurt even more, lie and do all bad things to each others? Why? Whats wrong with people?
I can't think of anything.. I mean why if we feel pain for it why we do it? Why we hurt others if we feel sorry for them. Okay I get it. Some of us are so hurt ourselves that we no more feel sorry for it. We go up to the point when we feel absolutely nothing. I keep wondering why? Why no one stops it before it goes bad? Or if someone is trying to stop it why I cant see it? Is it because I'm blind and stupid?
Well maybe I'm just being so naive and blind on purpose to protecting myself. But to protect from what? I can't really get it in my head. Its all so complicated. So odd.
kesää vai väsymyyttä
Niinpä taas sitten. Uusi päivä ja uudet kujeet. Saa nähdä mitä nyt on tiedossa?
Sää on muuttunut yllättäen hyvinkin aurinkoiseksi, ja mielestäni hieman outoa että mitä aurinkoisempi ja kirkkaampi sää, sitä väsyneemmäksi itseni tunnen?
Ehkä se on vain tottumuskysymys että olenko tottunut aurinkoon? Luulisi sen kuitenkin piristävän, eikä väsyttävän. Kuitenkin aurinkoa on riittänyt ja pian kai alkaa kesälomakin. Ainakin suurimmalla osalla ihmisistä joten luultavasti saan keskittyä ja olla rauhassa töissä ilman kamalaa puheryöppyä.
Viikonloppu ainakin nyt tulee olemaan täynnä kaikkea kivaa ohjelmaa kun on yhden kaverin valmistujaisjuhlat ja toisen synttärit. Saa nähdä ehdinkö nollaamaan itseäni viikonloppuna ollenkaan.
Joo kai se masennus ja ahdistuneisuus vieläkin painaa että jos ympärillä liikaa ihmisiä joille pitää puhua ja pitää keskittyä kaikkeen ympärillä olevaan väsähdän hetkessä. No sen näkee sitten.
Sää on muuttunut yllättäen hyvinkin aurinkoiseksi, ja mielestäni hieman outoa että mitä aurinkoisempi ja kirkkaampi sää, sitä väsyneemmäksi itseni tunnen?
Ehkä se on vain tottumuskysymys että olenko tottunut aurinkoon? Luulisi sen kuitenkin piristävän, eikä väsyttävän. Kuitenkin aurinkoa on riittänyt ja pian kai alkaa kesälomakin. Ainakin suurimmalla osalla ihmisistä joten luultavasti saan keskittyä ja olla rauhassa töissä ilman kamalaa puheryöppyä.
Viikonloppu ainakin nyt tulee olemaan täynnä kaikkea kivaa ohjelmaa kun on yhden kaverin valmistujaisjuhlat ja toisen synttärit. Saa nähdä ehdinkö nollaamaan itseäni viikonloppuna ollenkaan.
Joo kai se masennus ja ahdistuneisuus vieläkin painaa että jos ympärillä liikaa ihmisiä joille pitää puhua ja pitää keskittyä kaikkeen ympärillä olevaan väsähdän hetkessä. No sen näkee sitten.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Hiya there! :)
So I quess after lots of Finnish boring posts that none seemed to care about I'm pretty sure everyone is wondering what I have been doing. Yep. I posted some stuff here Finnish because Finnish people were telling me that they wanna read my blog but can't read English well enough to read my posts in English. Well now they have it. But ya. Don't worry. I still try post with both languages.
But ya I'm still kid in a heart, still annoying and still me. And still furry. I still don't have any plans to grow up. Even I have work these days. I work at the moment in small Finnish media-company helping them with their huge arhcirstery of photos. Also translating stuff, and drawing. (I love drawing).
Ya I haven't had time to be so active in dA etc. as I would be liked because these days I woke up 5:30AM and leave the house at 7:00AM to go to buss so I'm somehow at work around 9:00AM. Ya. We got "Good puplic connections with public transportion everywhere.." not.
But ya. I'm at the moment still working for my web site/forum/game project. Trying to make it soon kinda finished.. but when I come home I usually just want to sleep. Or then talk in skype with friends.
But Ya. I think I might have summer holidays coming soon so I might get couple days of so I could start being more active. But I just want you all to know that you are awesome and I love you.
But ya. Please comment and share your opinion and tell me what you want me to post here and wich parts of my life you are interested most.
Okay I just want to post things that you would be interested in. But I also do this for fun so lets see if I do all your way. But maybe. Only way to find it out is to post it. :)
But ya I'm still kid in a heart, still annoying and still me. And still furry. I still don't have any plans to grow up. Even I have work these days. I work at the moment in small Finnish media-company helping them with their huge arhcirstery of photos. Also translating stuff, and drawing. (I love drawing).
Ya I haven't had time to be so active in dA etc. as I would be liked because these days I woke up 5:30AM and leave the house at 7:00AM to go to buss so I'm somehow at work around 9:00AM. Ya. We got "Good puplic connections with public transportion everywhere.." not.
But ya. I'm at the moment still working for my web site/forum/game project. Trying to make it soon kinda finished.. but when I come home I usually just want to sleep. Or then talk in skype with friends.
But Ya. I think I might have summer holidays coming soon so I might get couple days of so I could start being more active. But I just want you all to know that you are awesome and I love you.
But ya. Please comment and share your opinion and tell me what you want me to post here and wich parts of my life you are interested most.
Okay I just want to post things that you would be interested in. But I also do this for fun so lets see if I do all your way. But maybe. Only way to find it out is to post it. :)
Musiikkiah..
Kuuntelen tässä ranskankielistä
soundtrackia ja pakko sanoa että vaikuttaa työmotiiviin positiivisesti. Tai itselle sellanen kunnon Epic-feeling kun tekee töitä. Musiikilla ja sen kuuntelulla on ainakin itsellä tosi positiivinen vaikutus siihen miten työtäni jaksan tehdä. Ja jaksanko vai en? Ja mielialaan myös. Suosittelen lämpimästi kaikkia joilla vaan on tilaisuus töissä kuunnella musiikkia tekemään sitä. Tietenkin täytyy varoa ettei vahingossa käy niin ettei tee töitä, vaan kuuntelee pelkkää musiikkia.
Ja joo tämä nyt vaan oli tällainen lyhyt ylistyspostaus Alan Menenille jonka käsialaa tämäkin ihanuus on. Tai siis ainakin yritin kirjoittaa lyhyesti. Mutta jo nyt huomaan epä-onnistuneeni ja pahasti. Hahahah. No kestäkää.
Ja sanokaas muuten että minkalaiset asiat teitä kiinnostavat? Mitä minun pitäisi postata tänne? ;-)
Ideat otetaan vastaan.
Ja joo tämä nyt vaan oli tällainen lyhyt ylistyspostaus Alan Menenille jonka käsialaa tämäkin ihanuus on. Tai siis ainakin yritin kirjoittaa lyhyesti. Mutta jo nyt huomaan epä-onnistuneeni ja pahasti. Hahahah. No kestäkää.
Ja sanokaas muuten että minkalaiset asiat teitä kiinnostavat? Mitä minun pitäisi postata tänne? ;-)
Ideat otetaan vastaan.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Ylistys menneisyydelle ja huokaus tulevaan
Nyt viikko ilman gosua takana ja tunnen itseni hemmetin ylpeäksi itsestäni, ihan sillä etten ole langennut ostamaan superpassia vaikka hyvä ystäväni ja rakas vihamieheni Sinfonia (Gosukäyttäjä) vannotti sen nimeen että kyllä mä sen passin vielä lankean ostamaan.
Kaikkein oudoimmalta tuntuu se kun Gosussa on tottunut tyhjentämään päätään vähän samaan tapaan kuin täällä blogissa. Tai täällä blogissa yleensä enkuksi, ja Gosussa suomeksi. Eikä tänne kaikkia pikkujuttuja ole koskaan kirjoitellut. Lähinnä vaan mietteitä ja ajatuksia. Mut tuntuu siltä että nyt ois kamalasti tosi turhaa ja tarpeetonta roskaa asiaa ihmisille ja tekisi mieli höpistä kaikesta kaikkien kanssa. Ja sitten herää siihen todellisuuteen että ei. Ei vaan enää pysty. Ja se jotenkin tuntuu oudolta. Okei ehkä mä tosiaan olin Gosuriippuvainen. Jotenkin on sellanen olo kuin oltaisiin kieli katkaistu suusta ja puhumisesta tehty yhtäkkiä mahdottomuus ja sellanen asia mihin ei enä kykene.
Ja muutenkin tässä mietin että miten ihmeessä yhdellä nettisivulla voi olla niin syvä ja jälkiä jättävä vaikutus ihmisiin. Ja miten se yhdistää ihmisiä. Olen itse Gosun kautta tutustunut mahtavaan porukkaan ja ihaniin ihmisiin. Oonotäti, ja nuhistäti tuutte aina olemaan iso osa mun sydämessä. En unohda teitä! :)
Mut joo. Eteenpäin on mentävä. Mä vaan aina oon ollut siinä aika huono. Okei kenelle mä valehtelen. Tosi huono. Sellanen surkimus joka jää miettimään ja nakertamaan samaa asiaa kunnes joku järkevämpi ilmaantuu paikalle ja komentaa lopettamaan siihen tyyliin että minä luikin sängyn alle piiloon ja mietin sitten että mitä nyt tuli tehtyä väärin? Joo aika typerää. Mut itse oon aina rohkea niin kauan kun mulla on pakotie selvänä, mut heti kun tulee umpikuja vastaan tai ongelmia panikoin ja sekoan.
Siinä mielessä tunnen älyttömän paljon sympatiaa ja samaistumista Ruohometsän kansa -kirjan Isopää nimiseen hahmoon. Suoraviivainen ja ja rohkea tapaus kunnes tulee joki vastaan. sitten se panikoi. Mutta toisaalta kun joelle ilmaantuu koira joka yrittää tavoittaa Isopään kavereita Isopää käy vetämässä sitä turpaan ennen kuin ui vastarannalle. Oli se järkevää tai ei.
Välillä toivoisi etten olisi niin impulsiivinen ja helposti innostuva ja järkyttyvä persoona. Ja muutenkin tunteet saisivat vaihtua vähemmän. Sitten ei ehkä tätä masennuslääkitystäkään tarvittasi. Mutta minkäs teet.? Et yhtään mitään. Se on osa mua että tunteet koetaan vahvoina ja eletään täysillä.
Ja joo pakko vielä kiittää Gosun käyttäjiä siitä että heidän kauttaan ( tai siis) Gosun kautta oon oppinut olemaan oma itseni ja olemaan välittämättä siitä mitä ihmiset ympärillä ajattelee. Tokihan musta edelleen ois kiva jos kaikki tykkäisi ja haluaisi olla kavereita mutta ei. Jos joku ei halua viihtyä mun seurassa, ja pitää mua tyhmänä, (sehän nyt on vaan fakta että olen tyhmä) niin pitäkööt. Oon hullu idiootti jolla on ADHD, ja hemmetin ylpeä siitä.
Ja aijon elämääni jatkaa.. "..Aitoon Kohokin tyyliin ", Kuiskasi Isopää hiljaisella ja karhealla äänellä."
-Varjokani
//
Kaikkein oudoimmalta tuntuu se kun Gosussa on tottunut tyhjentämään päätään vähän samaan tapaan kuin täällä blogissa. Tai täällä blogissa yleensä enkuksi, ja Gosussa suomeksi. Eikä tänne kaikkia pikkujuttuja ole koskaan kirjoitellut. Lähinnä vaan mietteitä ja ajatuksia. Mut tuntuu siltä että nyt ois kamalasti tosi turhaa ja tarpeetonta roskaa asiaa ihmisille ja tekisi mieli höpistä kaikesta kaikkien kanssa. Ja sitten herää siihen todellisuuteen että ei. Ei vaan enää pysty. Ja se jotenkin tuntuu oudolta. Okei ehkä mä tosiaan olin Gosuriippuvainen. Jotenkin on sellanen olo kuin oltaisiin kieli katkaistu suusta ja puhumisesta tehty yhtäkkiä mahdottomuus ja sellanen asia mihin ei enä kykene.
Ja muutenkin tässä mietin että miten ihmeessä yhdellä nettisivulla voi olla niin syvä ja jälkiä jättävä vaikutus ihmisiin. Ja miten se yhdistää ihmisiä. Olen itse Gosun kautta tutustunut mahtavaan porukkaan ja ihaniin ihmisiin. Oonotäti, ja nuhistäti tuutte aina olemaan iso osa mun sydämessä. En unohda teitä! :)
Mut joo. Eteenpäin on mentävä. Mä vaan aina oon ollut siinä aika huono. Okei kenelle mä valehtelen. Tosi huono. Sellanen surkimus joka jää miettimään ja nakertamaan samaa asiaa kunnes joku järkevämpi ilmaantuu paikalle ja komentaa lopettamaan siihen tyyliin että minä luikin sängyn alle piiloon ja mietin sitten että mitä nyt tuli tehtyä väärin? Joo aika typerää. Mut itse oon aina rohkea niin kauan kun mulla on pakotie selvänä, mut heti kun tulee umpikuja vastaan tai ongelmia panikoin ja sekoan.
Siinä mielessä tunnen älyttömän paljon sympatiaa ja samaistumista Ruohometsän kansa -kirjan Isopää nimiseen hahmoon. Suoraviivainen ja ja rohkea tapaus kunnes tulee joki vastaan. sitten se panikoi. Mutta toisaalta kun joelle ilmaantuu koira joka yrittää tavoittaa Isopään kavereita Isopää käy vetämässä sitä turpaan ennen kuin ui vastarannalle. Oli se järkevää tai ei.
Välillä toivoisi etten olisi niin impulsiivinen ja helposti innostuva ja järkyttyvä persoona. Ja muutenkin tunteet saisivat vaihtua vähemmän. Sitten ei ehkä tätä masennuslääkitystäkään tarvittasi. Mutta minkäs teet.? Et yhtään mitään. Se on osa mua että tunteet koetaan vahvoina ja eletään täysillä.
Ja joo pakko vielä kiittää Gosun käyttäjiä siitä että heidän kauttaan ( tai siis) Gosun kautta oon oppinut olemaan oma itseni ja olemaan välittämättä siitä mitä ihmiset ympärillä ajattelee. Tokihan musta edelleen ois kiva jos kaikki tykkäisi ja haluaisi olla kavereita mutta ei. Jos joku ei halua viihtyä mun seurassa, ja pitää mua tyhmänä, (sehän nyt on vaan fakta että olen tyhmä) niin pitäkööt. Oon hullu idiootti jolla on ADHD, ja hemmetin ylpeä siitä.
Ja aijon elämääni jatkaa.. "..Aitoon Kohokin tyyliin ", Kuiskasi Isopää hiljaisella ja karhealla äänellä."
-Varjokani
//
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Voiton puolella?
Joo en siis edelleenkään ole ostanut Gosuun mitään superpassia enkä aijo ostaa.
Pakko vaan vielä ragettaa tämän verran;
Mut siis joo Gosuhan on nyt 10e/90pv järjestelmällä toiminnassa eli maksa ja saat käyttää.
Kun tästä informoitiin puhuttiin että JOS gosu kaatuu rahat saa takas, ja käyttöehtoihin PITI tulla muutos. Yhä siellä vaan lukee:
"11.3
Näiden käyttäjäehtojen muutosta ei pidetä palveluun pääsysi ja/tai superpassitilauksesi irtisanomisena.
11.4
Jos watAgame päättää sulkea goSupermodelin, saat asiasta tiedon vähintään 30 päivää ennen sulkemista. Nämä käyttäjäehdot hyväksymällä hyväksyt myös, että sulkeminen tarkoittaa, että menetät profiilisi, mallisi, kaiken sisällön, palvelut ja mahdolliset superpassipäivät. Lisäksi luovut oikeudestasi hyvitysten pyytämiseen. "
Joo. Eli mä haistan tässä palaneen käryä ja rutosti. Ihan siksi että kohderyhmänä on 10-15 vuotiaat lapset joille, kuten mulle Gosu pitkään oli paikka jossa purkaa pahaa oloa ja elämää anonyymisti ilman aikuisten huomaamista.
Mut mitä mieltä te olette? Joo kaipaisin et joku mua fiksumpi ottais kantaa tähän mut mä vaan niin näen punasta kun a) lapsilta vaaditaan rahaa, b) maksa tai et pääse ees lukee forkille c) maksa tai me poistetaan sun käyttäjä ja sun 4-5 vuotta keräämä vaatehuone katoaa.
---
++ Lisäepäilyttävyys;;
Mainoksia ei poisteta
sivun koodivirheitä ei korjata
Sivua ei uudisteta jotta saataisiin uusia käyttäjiä.
Kysymys; Mihin ne rahat menee? -_-''
----
Joo mun veikkaus on et Gosun ylläpito haluu kääriä rahat ja lähteä lätkimään.
Pakko vaan vielä ragettaa tämän verran;
Mut siis joo Gosuhan on nyt 10e/90pv järjestelmällä toiminnassa eli maksa ja saat käyttää.
Kun tästä informoitiin puhuttiin että JOS gosu kaatuu rahat saa takas, ja käyttöehtoihin PITI tulla muutos. Yhä siellä vaan lukee:
"11.3
Näiden käyttäjäehtojen muutosta ei pidetä palveluun pääsysi ja/tai superpassitilauksesi irtisanomisena.
11.4
Jos watAgame päättää sulkea goSupermodelin, saat asiasta tiedon vähintään 30 päivää ennen sulkemista. Nämä käyttäjäehdot hyväksymällä hyväksyt myös, että sulkeminen tarkoittaa, että menetät profiilisi, mallisi, kaiken sisällön, palvelut ja mahdolliset superpassipäivät. Lisäksi luovut oikeudestasi hyvitysten pyytämiseen. "
Joo. Eli mä haistan tässä palaneen käryä ja rutosti. Ihan siksi että kohderyhmänä on 10-15 vuotiaat lapset joille, kuten mulle Gosu pitkään oli paikka jossa purkaa pahaa oloa ja elämää anonyymisti ilman aikuisten huomaamista.
Mut mitä mieltä te olette? Joo kaipaisin et joku mua fiksumpi ottais kantaa tähän mut mä vaan niin näen punasta kun a) lapsilta vaaditaan rahaa, b) maksa tai et pääse ees lukee forkille c) maksa tai me poistetaan sun käyttäjä ja sun 4-5 vuotta keräämä vaatehuone katoaa.
---
++ Lisäepäilyttävyys;;
Mainoksia ei poisteta
sivun koodivirheitä ei korjata
Sivua ei uudisteta jotta saataisiin uusia käyttäjiä.
Kysymys; Mihin ne rahat menee? -_-''
----
Joo mun veikkaus on et Gosun ylläpito haluu kääriä rahat ja lähteä lätkimään.
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